AIBU to be upset my my DF remarks about DS

I'd say nothing but not let him see baby very much. Basically I'd gradually fade him out of my life. Each time he mentioned the mark I'd leave it longer before he saw DS again.

Honestly op if it wasn't this it would be something else from him or someone else. Nasty, unnecessary comments on your beautiful baby are so upsetting but you dont have to tolerate them. Try and go "Grey rock" and blot it out. You are in such early days just focus on you and baby. Fuck what anyone else says. Trust me you'll get all kinds of comments over the years. Just ignore ignore ignore anyone who is rude, and anyone who repeatedly does it minimize contact until they get the message. Enjoy your baby and please dont let it get to you x

I don’t have anything to add to the advice you’ve already been given from other posters about your Dad. I agree it could be a projection of comments he has experienced himself, as well as what sounds like an overly critical and negative approach to everything in life.

I really just came to sympathise with you as my daughter had a large strawberry mark on her forehead and I was shocked by the number of times complete strangers would bring it up with me. Someone would ask me about it on almost a daily basis and it was exhausting having a needless conversation every time. Generally people were well meaning or inquisitive but I found it very intrusive. She was such a beautiful baby in my eyes that it was upsetting to me that’s what everyone else’s focus seemed to be on. Anyway, she’s now 2.5 and the mark has almost disappeared- firstly it went flat, then the redness faded and it started shrinking in size. It’s now a smaller silver circle with a feint red outline that I think will probably disappear completely in time. Good luck with your Dad and dealing with others raising it too!

I’ve just seen your comment where your mention that your father has a birthmark. It’s possible that he is projecting the comments that he heard growing up, onto your beautiful baby. My own (now adult) son was born with a mark on his cheek. The day I brought him home from hospital, a mum in the school playground that I’d never spoken to before walked over to ask what was wrong with him. I was so taken aback, I was lost for words. I still remember my awesome friends response “she painted a f pidgeon on his face, what do YOU think?” 😂 I had random strangers cross the road to peer at him, in his pushchair. At the age of 3, we decided to get it removed via laser treatment, to avoid these ongoing comments. It worked for us, although I’m not saying that YOU should do the same, it’s personal choice, but overall I think people are generally more accepting now than they were in the past. Tell him that it upsets you. Ask him how having a birthmark affected HIM growing up. Point out that your baby is not him, and that the mark is not the same, and that your son is unlikely to face the same challenges that your dad did.
congratulations on the birth of your beautiful heathy baby!

I had a large strawberry mark on my upper arm when I was a child. It was quite noticeable but people who saw me regularly stopped 'seeing' it after a while. Hopefully the same will be true of your DF. And even if not, I've seen models with birthmarks and other strawberry marks on their faces! Also, is this in a place where hair will eventually grow to cover it? It's a shame to mention, but that might help with his unwarranted attention, too. And if you need to speak up, go ahead and do so before your son gets old enough to understand. My mother was told that if mine didn't go away by the time I was five it would be permanent. It was still prominent then but was gone by the time I grew up, so there's that, too.

Dear OP, I'm so sorry you're having this problem. My DD had a huge strawberry mark in the middle of her head when she was a baby (see photo).

Within a couple of years her haired covered it and soon after that it dissolved away. She's 18 yrs old now and there's a slight dent where it used to be but no colour and we struggle to find it. Our family were always positive and supportive. When young kids would ask about the mark we would joke that it was her on/off switch, or her tracker 😜 ... mind you I did have a colleague press/touch it without permission which pissed me off.

The your DF to grow up and shut up. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all is a motto that I've often been told, and applies perfectly here.

You are being very kind about his criticisms of your life choices. It's not concern if he criticises all the time.
The strawberry mark is a small harmless part of your lovely baby - I would keep saying this. X

Next time he mentions it say something along the lines of 'Is that all you because if it is then maybe you shouldn't see DGS again' and walk away. If he says anything tell him you don't need people like him around you or your son so either shut up or don't see us again

Both my daughters have them and they have faded over time, and you don’t really notice them now.

Seriously: tell him once then cut him iff when he goes for it again.

I will never understand people who point things out about others! My husband's grandmother, mother and now our child had lots of small strawberry marks/ stork marks when they were born and they have all went away. Our child's forehead ones only come out now if she's annoyed 😂 my husband had one on his chest that grew to the size of an apple and then one day when he was around 5 it just popped and went down. The area of skin looks a bit sensitive but I personally didn't even notice it until he pointed it out. They called it his peep and I think that's adorable 😂 at the end of the day everyone's unique and we all have different things about us, the most important thing is it's harmless. I'd have a stern word with your dad and tell him how you don't appreciate his comments and not to make them and if he doesn't listen start pointing out things about him to give him a taste of his own medicine!

Honestly OP, he really needs to be told to STFU.
You are not interested in his opinion of your perfect child.

Someone would only make a negative comment once about any of my children.

He's a critical man who has gotten away with it for far too long.

STFU is what needs to be said.
Tell him he's not welcome in your home with his toxic criticism.

A break from him will do you good.

I admit I would go all scorched earth on this type of disgusting behaviour.

People like your father do untold damage to those around them with their unasked for personal comments.

He sounds very judgy and horrible from what you said about you growing up ... I'd be inclined to close him down, dad don't want or need your weird comments, cut it out ... then take a step back if he Carries on. No need for people to be picky and pointing out things about someone's appearance other than being very supportive and helpful

I think your DF is struggling with whattosayitis and means no harm.
My DS had a hemangioma high on his forehead. We thought we were lucky as it disappeared up into his scalp and faded, but now, 16 years later, it means he has a very odd hair pattern from where it migrated to!
Your baby sounds lovely. I would go easy on your dad.

My friends little baby had a massive strawberry mark on her head which was very noticeable as a baby but shrunk to nothing by the time she started school.

I think you need to firmly tell him in no uncertain term not to discuss the strawberry mark in front of the baby. Yes he’s 15weeks now and the baby doesn’t understand - but by the time he is a toddler he will and you don’t want to make him self conscious .

firmly reiterate what it is and that it is harmless and tell him that there will be no further conversations about it. The sooner he stops obsessing about it the better. If he mentions it you immediately shut him down . It’s just plain rude to go on and on about something like this .

Tell your father to pop the head shaped thing that is full of hot air on the top of his neck.

I have a friend with a baby with a strawberry birthmark. We often laugh and say he is so amazing he was kissed by god on his way down to earth, and this is the result. Find a comment about it that you like and reply everytime with this little anecdote. It always works for my friend.

This probably isn't going to be the last adult/person to make comments like this.

My suggestion is you plan something to say for next time. Id be very blunt, but that's just me.

"Please stop mentioning it, I've explained that it's harmless but it's upsetting me that you keep going on about it". You could use a much milder version.

I understand you're a new Mum and probably sleep deprived and hormonal. At this time, your dh could have a word on your behalf. It doesnt matter why he's saying these things on repeat. They're upsetting you.

I wonder if he’s finding it hard to process, and needs some more information on this. Don’t get me wrong - I think his behaviour is unreasonable, but I expect it is a response to stress and concern.

Honestly, tell him that his remarks are upsetting and completely unhelpful. If he doesn't apologise and stop doing this, I wouldn't bother seeing him any more. He sounds like a horrible grandfather but doesn't seem to have been a great dad either if he was and still is constantly critical of you and your DB.

I’d tell him you find it upsetting that people always comment on it. Hope he gets the message.

Your dad's being cruel I would have a word if you feel like you can. In regards to your babies birth mark, it will mostly likely fade but I'm sure it doesn't spoil him one bit. I was born with one about 50p size just under my eye and it eas fairly raised, it was gone by the time I was a teenager. I was just left with a little dimpled patch of skin and I only recall anyone saying something once.

My daughter has two hemangiomas, and my son was misdiagnosed with one on his top lip as a baby, turns out to be another form of birthmark that will never fade.
If I am honest, it is tough. In my opinion adults are worse, but you need to lead by example.
Explain, reassure, distract- oh that is his birthmark, it doesn't hurt him, isn't the weather lovely. Taught to me by the charity Changing Faces who are amazing. Has really helped my son.

With family, you are going tk have to be firm. This is a non negotiable. He needs to back off and if he isn't say anything nice then say nothing at all, and if he can't keep his mouth shut then he doesn't see your son. There are enough ignorant people in the world without one in the family...

My son gets lots of comments!