Affair reveal - how to tell him?

A big reveal isn’t going to end well for one of you women (most likely you).

He will be apologising to his wife, begging for her forgiveness, you will be blamed for absolutely everything and he’ll saying you mean nothing to him, that you were an easy shag etc and you’ll be just stood there being insulted.

How are you going to feel if whilst you’re there she chooses to forgive him?
You’ll have to just walk away with no regard to your own feelings.

I feel so sorry for the wife.
But you also have to protect your own feelings too and I’m not sure how you can do that if you are there whilst they’re arguing about it.

Is the wife imagining this will be like the video for the song ‘that boy is mine’ with Brandy and Monica’?

I would not be involved in a ‘big reveal’. You have no idea over his potential reaction. What if he becomes violent?

Just end it with him without the drama.

Whilst it might seem very entertaining and maybe therapeutic to watch him suffer the humiliation of realising he’s been busted you have to think long term for yourself. By all means give the DW all the information she requests but not before you change your locks (assuming he has keys to your place) and stay out of the big reveal……..it might turn nasty with you, the OW, in the firing line.
Do get an STI test done as someone suggested already, who knows where he’s been???
And walk away.

l think the best advice you can give her is not to say a word until she’s seen a solicitor, got her ducks in a row and made sure he can’t empty any joint bank accounts.

A dramatic reveal will be tempting because she’s been betrayed and she’s hurting, as have you. Don’t be tempted to engage with it. Much better for her to bide her time and make sure she’s protected herself as much as possible before she lets him have both barrels.

From your side l would just end it with him and block him on all social media. So sorry this has happened to you both.

I agree with this and in all honestly she most likely will stay with him, so why give yourself any drama. Just move on as he's not worth it.

Don't get involved. Lots of good advice on here for the wife. Block and move on.

Are there kids involved?

Maybe just a selfie of the two of you together, that she can show him?

I'd leave it at that.

Cut ties and don’t get involved. Going to his work is a stupid idea.Last thing his wife should be doing is wrecking his career and leaving them with financial problems alongside a divorce.

She may not blame you now but that may change. I would distance myself and not contact either of them again.

You stay out of it and walk away. You’re the side piece, it’s not your marriage

Don't do it OP. It won't go how you expect it to. For all you know, the wife could turn on you (even though she appears friendly now) or the husband could turn nasty. Walk away with your head held high. You don't owe the wife anything.

What big reveal? He knows he’s having an affair.

A confrontation with the both of you is the wife’s dramatic pick me dance, she wants him to beg forgiveness and him to put you in your place. Don’t fall for it.

Great advice. Take heed, OP. Good luck.

So what though? If she made some good friends who supported each other through a situation that they all experienced. What does it matter what he thinks?

Why would he? I genuinely don’t understand why on earth he would love the women that he was manipulating, finding their humour, strength and connection together, without him in the picture.

Walk away from this fast, It is no good for you and might turn very nasty very quickly. You are being used - AGAIN!

His wife gets revenge…But what do you honestly get? The wife may be able to gain financial compensation in a possible divorce….IF she divorces him, but you get nothing. A few moments of listening to the pair of them scream at each other? Also, there is a real risk of things turning on YOU in this reveal. What if he spins it? Or what if he loses his temper? What if she has other people there and is just setting a trap? 99% of the time the husband will have no intention of leaving their wives and see any OW as just fun on the side, so he will be begging her and angry solely at you. I dont see what you can get out of this but I can see significant risk. Walk, wish good luck to his wife but have no part in this - my advice anyway.

Have nothing to do with this
the wife is not your ally she’s using you for revenge
this will all explode probably wants you both together then she can rip into the pair of you she’ll be setting you up as well as him

As this is your actual real life and not an episode of Desperate Housewives you have no responsibility to play any part in a ‘big reveal’ which could go all kinds of sideways. As others have said cut your losses and move on.

Ergh. This all sounds so desperate and cheap. I would not be getting involved in this. His wife needs to find some more dignity!

I’d imagine he’ll turn on you if you’re there for a big reveal - he’ll assume you told his wife, he’ll try to play down your relationship, he’ll do whatever it takes to convince his wife that you mean nothing to him. I’d hope not but he could even get violent towards you. You might think you know him well enough to know how he’d react, but you didn’t even know he was married.

Think about what you really want, and kindly let the wife know that you’ll support in terms of providing evidence, but you don’t want anything more to do with it.

I bet he loves this and gets more kicks from it than anyone else tbh

Give her the information she needs to 'prove' his infidelity but don't get drawn into some big showdown. It's not your marriage and you're just going to get hurt more. He will obviously flee if he can but otherwise he's likely to say you pursued him/the affair meant nothing/he was never going to leave her for you etc.

I like this

You are insane to even think about being involved in the DW's theatrics. Walk away with your dignity intact. You have just played a part in destroying her marriage, what do you hope to gain here?
You call him DP, which usually denotes a significant relationship (often cohabiting), more than simply a BF/GF. Did you really not suspect in all that time?
I have access to my significant other whenever I need to, at work, evenings, weekends, Birthdays, Christmas, etc. I'd be surprised if the DW doesn't at least hold some resentment, believing you've known or suspected, if you class yourself as his partner and have been together for any length of time. .