Affair reveal - how to tell him?

Accidentalotherwoman · 2025-06-20T23:18:14+00:00

Just found out that I have been the OW via DP’s wife. She’s not blaming me but we are trying to think of how to tell him we know. DP hates confrontations and would normally just walk out to avoid it. How do we tell him?

Rosscameasdoody · 22/06/2025 22:13

monicamoss · 22/06/2025 18:17

Maybe he had a reason to cheat on this wife. She sounds odd. I would walk away from this.

What would be a ‘reason’ to cheat on his wife ? Genuine question - intrigued as to what would make you think that anything could justify it. If you’re unhappy in a relationship you don’t need to cheat, you know where the door is, just leave.

monicamoss · 22/06/2025 18:17

Maybe he had a reason to cheat on this wife. She sounds odd. I would walk away from this.

Moveoverdarlin · 22/06/2025 18:13

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

Sounds like your revelling in it.

Left · 22/06/2025 09:35

Does she have him on social media? A low key way to do it could be for you and her to meet for coffee and she posts some pics of her “coffee date with a new friend”? That way you won’t get drawn into any confrontation.

purplepie1 · 22/06/2025 09:24

I think if you really want to do a big reveal then do it in a public place in case it gets messy.

otherwise don’t do it at all and tell the DW to get a solicitor and make sure she gets what she deserves before she tell him.

DeSoleil · 21/06/2025 23:24

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

Makes you wonder why he cheated on her if that’s how she deals with things.

You tell her that you had no idea he was married and if you had known you would never have got involved with him and then you block the pair of them and let them sort out their mess of a marriage.

Creating deliberate drama is low class.

Lardychops · 21/06/2025 21:57

RawBloomers · 21/06/2025 02:16

Yes, that’s another risk.

Show quote history

One that an OW- aware or not of her role in the whole shit show - should keep as well way from as is humanly possible.

Sassybooklover · 21/06/2025 21:52

God, don't involve yourself in this at all. I understand the wife is upset, as I'm sure you are but this is drama you don't need. She could easily gang up on you and her husband! I appreciate you didn't know your partner is married, but now you do. Walk away and let her deal with her cheating husband.

notanothersummercold · 21/06/2025 21:46

Painrelief · 21/06/2025 01:28

The older I get the less I want to involve myself in other people’s drama . I would just want to let them carry on coz I wouldn’t want to be dragged into it . Tell him you’re done and hold your head high .

Same here - very wise advice.

longapple · 21/06/2025 21:09

Both mention this lovely lady you met in Asda or something, got in like a house on fire, had a coffee and exchanged numbers. Never known anything like it, it was like you'd known her for years!
Then friend each other on socials and watch him crap himself that you just randomly met and he's going to be found out.

PolerFace · 21/06/2025 21:04

DONT

The risk of her being high emotions and turning on you is too great

LadyKenya · 21/06/2025 20:56

Auroraloves · 21/06/2025 00:19

Go to his work together

Don't demean yourself by doing this OP. All you will be doing, is providing entertaining material for his colleagues to gossip about.

Zanatdy · 21/06/2025 20:55

Stay well out of any big reveal.

Katemax82 · 21/06/2025 20:54

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

I wanted a big reveal of my 4th pregnancy but my mum died before I told her and everyone found out anyway

LemonyPicket · 21/06/2025 20:51

I’m not saying this is a good idea but I know someone who DH was cheating so she waited for him to come home, confronted him about it, he initially denied everything etc and then the OW jumped out from her hiding spot behind the door, they then teamed up to throw his stuff out on the street. Could easily have gone pear shaped for them but as it happens it was apparently very satisfying.

GuevarasBeret · 21/06/2025 20:47

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

Maybe: She collects him from work and when he is safely in the car and on the motorway you pop your head up from the back seat and say “Hello Dave, fancy meeting you here.”

Then you put him out at the next services and tell him his crap is in the boot.

Alltheyellowbirds · 21/06/2025 20:45

Yazzi · 21/06/2025 02:21

My friend was an accidental OW, there were actually 2 other OW as well! She was the first discovered and her and the wife made a WhatsApp group and found the other two and they all confronted him together.

They're all friends to this day (must be about 6+ years ago now), and have a lunch together on their reveal anniversary! Bonded over their shared scumbag, we love to see it.

That also is amazing.

Alltheyellowbirds · 21/06/2025 20:42

Aur0raAustralis · 21/06/2025 01:34

What long-term outcome does she want, beyond the big reveal? I can see why she wants this emotionally but as PP have said, it may go badly. She needs to think about what she wants in the long run and the best way to achieve this.

There was another story on here about a woman who found out her husband was cheating. She didn't do a big reveal, just said she wanted to divorce, played it all amicably so she got the settlement she wanted, but kept a good relationship to the point where they agreed to send a joint email to their friends and family explaining they were divorcing. Then she edited the email before sending to add that they were divorcing because of his affair.

That wife thought about what she wanted and resisted the temptation for short-term satisfaction - but still got her reveal in the end.

That is amazing. I couldn’t have held it together that long, kudos to her.

Mintsj · 21/06/2025 20:41

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

The pair of you sitting in his kitchen having a coffee upon his return.

Olika · 21/06/2025 20:37

Why are you entertaining drama? Just remove yourself from it all.

Laura95167 · 21/06/2025 20:35

This isnt a soap.

I feel awful for you both but you can walk away so you should.

Let her sort out how to deal with their stuff if she wants to divorce him she will have to sort that out. Best of luck to you both

BlazenWeights · 21/06/2025 20:32

Rosscameasdoody · 21/06/2025 18:41

I really don’t think it warrants further explanation. OP refers to him as DP - standard on MN for someone who is not your husband. OP’s DP is married. OP didn’t know. Wife has found out about OP and wants her to help confront him. Why would she do that if they were separated - it would be none of her business.

Show quote history

I’m glad it’s clear to all of you. It’s not to me. Because when people say DP, it’s more than just a date or even “boyfriend”. It implies a certain level of seriousness up to living with each other. I don’t know how one’s serious DP can be actively married. She didn’t say how long she’s been with this person or if they live together etc so I’m kind of surprised

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2025 20:08

Rosscameasdoody · 21/06/2025 18:34

How can OP have been ‘involved in their marriage’ if she didn’t know he was married ?

Show quote history

She does now though.
I am not criticising her actions up until this point but now she does know she should keep out of it

Rosscameasdoody · 21/06/2025 18:41

BlazenWeights · 21/06/2025 07:54

Is this a separated wife? Also you refer to him as partner so I take it you’ve been together a while. How can he still have a wife… barring the obvious. Can you explain better.

I really don’t think it warrants further explanation. OP refers to him as DP - standard on MN for someone who is not your husband. OP’s DP is married. OP didn’t know. Wife has found out about OP and wants her to help confront him. Why would she do that if they were separated - it would be none of her business.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/06/2025 18:34

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2025 14:26

You have been involved in their marriage for long enough, just stop now.
And maybe stop referring to him as "DP"

How can OP have been ‘involved in their marriage’ if she didn’t know he was married ?