To leave my boyfriend over his golfing?

It's sad but he is putting the golf ahead of his relationship with you. I think you have just grown apart and now want different things out of life.

You have told him how you feel and nothing has changed, so if you don't want to live the rest of your life like this, then it is time for that serious conversation to end the relationship.

He’s puking after drinking too much. He’s hardly a champion is he? Not doing pulling your weight domestically does make him a loser, sorry.

If you think you want a family he would be a deeply, deeply irritating father…..

This man is not ready to settle down to family life. He may never be, not unless he meets someone who is happy to be little wifey who will be happy to do everything for him without him having to disrupt his life at all. Don't be that woman. End it now and definitely do not have children with him.

You aren't happy now.
He's clear he won't change.

So you're either leaving your boyfriend or waiting until it escalates into him being husband and father of your kids and then leaving or dragging it our for years.

20 something me would have hung on for change.

30 something me would rip the plaster off.

Nope, didn't miss that. As per my other post I said she'd be better off leaving him now.

hes not ideal partner material.

that doesn't make him a loser in my book. If he's a loser in yours where do you put the people who spend their lives out if it on drugs or whatever?

This @Thepanicyears if he isn’t pulling his weight at home and you feel like an afterthought then probably time to call it quits

My MIL was a golf widow. When we got engaged my now DW made it conditional on me never taking up golf.

Leave him. It will not get better.

Well, obviously, hence why she's here, but that doesn't mean his behaviour is fine. It is not OK to leave all housework to your partner because you selfishly want to have more free time (leaving her with less).

My ex rowed. Saturday, Sunday any Bank hols. The from the clock change in spring it was Tuesday and Thursday nights.
Then there were the club meetings, maintenance evenings and so on.
I am not even sure that he noticed when I went. I know it’s not golf but it took just as long.

I upped my standards and decided that I was not coming second place to a fibreglass boat that goes backwards. I can row, and did often. I get the allure, but he was consumed by it.

Your P probably still thinks that he’s single and can do what he pleases. Conversations need to be had. If he isn’t listening, cut your losses as you are worth more.

Cyclists tend not to be big drinkers in my experience and he sounds like he also wants sports team drinking buddies. He might buy a football season ticket though!

If he's not responding to a normal adult discussion about this, it's time to give him an ultimatum, and make it very clear that you mean it. If he still doesn't sort this out, you know nothing will ever get better.

Don’t have children with this man. It’s often hard enough for women to achieve equality in terms of the mother becoming the default parent, taking on the mental load and often doing the majority of housework, and that’s without the addition of hobbies. If you’ve spoken to your partner and he’s still not pulling his weight now then that tells you clearly where his priorities lie and where they would likely lie in the event of you having children.

@Thepanicyears you are a switched on woman. Some women would have children with this man and then despair about it being worse, because they thought he would magically change when they had kids.

He’s showing you who he is. He thinks the housework is your job, not his. He thinks he deserves to spend his free time enjoying himself with his mates, and you should pick up the slack. When do you even spend time together? Is it just sex and meal times together these days?

He’s entitled to play golf and rugby, I say this as I’m a cyclist and runner. My DP is a gym goer and runner. But we equally split chores, and make sure neither of us is lumbered with more than our fair share of housework. We also make an effort to spend quality time together at weekends: if that means running at 6am so we can spend the rest of the day together or with family then that’s what happens.

Don’t fall foul of the sunk cost fallacy. If you want a present, contributing partner then you need to go out and find one.

The partner presumably has agency over whether they're happy to be in such a relationship.

It's OK to play however much golf you want. I'm a firm believer that you should spend as much time doing things that bring you joy in the one life you have. Obviously he should either do that while single or find someone who wants that kind of relationship, maybe someone who has her own time-consuming hobbies that she devotes her weekends to.

There's a lot worse things he could do than play golf. Really paranoid to link it to some cover up for any straying with other woman.

For the meantime why don't you find yourself a hobby for your spare time?

Obviously if you are planning to have a family together in the future you will need some cast iron reassurances between eachother that caring for the children will take precedence over your hobbies. Have that conversation now, but it's a bit controlling to tell him what hobbies he is and isn't allowed to do in his free time.

I think it’s important to consider the future in terms of what you can control. You can’t control whether he continues with all this sport - but you can decide whether you mind. I am a ‘ golf widow’ of many years. Sometimes I mind - but most of the time I just use the time myself. It was hard at times when our children were young. To be fair to my DH, he has never stopped me following my interests ( anything but golf 😉) - so we have made it work.
I think if you want someone who wants to do things with you every weekend- you probably need to leave him to his sport and cast the net again - as I doubt very much that he will change.

Yeah except its not actually OK to play so much golf that you use it as a way to get out of pulling your weight and instead increasingly leave it to your partner.

Of course he'll agree at the time. He gets you off his back and then still gets to live the life he wants playing golf, gets you to clean the house for him, regular sex, and the financial benefits of sharing a house. Actions speak louder than words, so listen to them. He knows it upsets you, he knows it casues you more work, he knows it isn't fair, and he still does it. That is what he thinks of you and your feelings. Do not threaten to leave, just do it. If you threaten it he will waste another year of your life improving until he thinks you've got over it, then reverting back to who he actually is. If he thinks you're serious about leaving he will suddenly want kids and for you to be pregnant. Do not fall for this shit. Do not under any circumstances have children with this selfish twat, or any selfish twat.

I think you know what needs to happen OP 💐

I’d just end it to be honest. If you’ve spoken to him and he hasn’t really changed, it’s the only logical next step. You deserve better.

The problem here isn't the golf, it's the lack of time devoted to the relationship and the fact it's ignored as an issue for the OP.

To make very long-term relationships work, you need to do things independently, whilst taking your partner's needs into account. And want to spend time together...

Your boyfriend's priorities are his sports. He's putting his sports before his relationship, and in time that will become putting his sports before his relationship and children. He's not really committed enough to your relationship, to make you a priority. The time that he could spend with you, he chooses to spend on his sports and/or with his mates who participate in the same sports. Bottom line is, it won't get any better. He clearly wants a different life to you, and even after numerous conversations, he makes all the right noises but implements zero changes in his behaviour - because he doesn't want too! You have two choices - put up with it, but knowing going forward it's likely to get worse especially if you have children or accept the relationship has run it's course and end it. You're young, please don't waste it away on someone who can't prioritise you.

Leave him. It won't improve (I know many golfers. It is literally their entire life).

If you want to stay and get your own back, get into horses. Not only consumes all your time but all your money too...

This is good idea... I've done similar with two prev boyfriends with a busy 'hobby life' ...

One I dumped (became evident I was the maid /bed partner) , the other lasted for ages once we'd recalibrated (lovely man! ... As he genuinely was blind to impact it had on me...).

Good luck... You're way too young to settle for something you're unhappy with...

Deffo do this, and if it is a runner, give it a good few months /year before you breed with him!