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Original poster

MIL cut my daughter's hair for the first time without asking

184 replies

DangleDonkey · 20/06/2025 23:49

My ex-partner has taken our daughter on holiday abroad to stay with his mum and stepdad for 8 days. While we were having a video call tonight, he said, "Can you see her hair looks a bit different?" and I had actually noticed, I just thought it was wet. He then said, "My mum's cut it a bit" and when I enquired more, he said she's cut a bit off the sides to neaten it up a bit.

Our daughter is nearly 3 and has never had a haircut before. Her hair is curly and honestly mostly a wild gorgeous tangle, and we don't do much to it. Recently, I've started putting it in little bunches which makes her look a little neater and more grown up.

I'm feeling confused that what feels like a big milestone (only child's first haircut) has happened without me, and without me being considered. I would have liked to be there but actually more than that I don't think she needs a haircut yet - her hair needs to grow a bit as it's currently just growing out in all directions.

I genuinely don't think my ex will have thought this was a big deal. He'll have gone along with it because his mum suggested it, in my opinion. He won't have wanted to upset me but I also predict he'll be dismissive when I bring this up.

I haven't said anything yet to my ex because I felt like I needed to think and process this first. Am I being unreasonable to be upset?

OP posts:
FairFuming · 21/06/2025 00:06

Id try not to worry about it. There will me many other hair cuts and tbh it sounds like it wasn't even a first proper hair cut just a neaten up, you can still make a fuss about her first trip to the hair dressers when the time comes. I understand why you're upset but as a fellow single parent there's a lot to be said about picking your battles.

Original poster
DangleDonkey · 21/06/2025 00:05

PollyBell · 21/06/2025 00:01

So if you got her haircut first would he have the right the be upset, or did anything else for the first time? Firsts happen in a child's life and as a child has 2 parents it would be normal for both to have some firsts this is what happens when you have a child with someone and separate

I think I'd have mentioned it first to him

OP posts:
Original poster
DangleDonkey · 21/06/2025 00:04

ForFunGoose · 20/06/2025 23:56

Are you bothers OP wondering if you should be? This wouldn’t be an issue for me, the pressure to no miss a thing is unrealistic.
Your child has two parents and I think it’s sad if caregivers fight over minor issues, much better for the child if you can see the bigger picture here.

I do feel bothered by it, yes. There's lots of things I'm happy to step back with - this is their holiday and I'm not worried about what time she goes to bed or what she's eating or things like that. It's bothered me because it feels like something has been decided, without anyone thinking about me or what matters to me. And I think co-parenting successfully means you have to actively think about what the other parent would do or not do.

Thanks for your comment though, it's good to hear both sides.

OP posts:
SkintSingleMumm · 21/06/2025 00:03

Let it go

PollyBell · 21/06/2025 00:01

So if you got her haircut first would he have the right the be upset, or did anything else for the first time? Firsts happen in a child's life and as a child has 2 parents it would be normal for both to have some firsts this is what happens when you have a child with someone and separate

ForFunGoose · 20/06/2025 23:56

Are you bothers OP wondering if you should be? This wouldn’t be an issue for me, the pressure to no miss a thing is unrealistic.
Your child has two parents and I think it’s sad if caregivers fight over minor issues, much better for the child if you can see the bigger picture here.

DeSoleil · 20/06/2025 23:53

I think if the child had already been having their haircut and her father had agreed to it, that would have been ok but given that she’s never had her hair cut then I understand you feel miffed.

Make sure you stress to your husband that you don’t want his mum or anyone to cut off even more hair or God forbid, get her ears pierced etc.

Namechangerage · 20/06/2025 23:52

I’d wait until he’s back and then say it’s not acceptable. 8 days is such a long time, did you feel you had to allow this? Or was it court mandated?

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 20/06/2025 23:49

Totally not on.

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