MIL cut my daughter's hair for the first time without asking

@Cannedlaughter it wasn't his descion either though it was mils

MIL has overstepped.

It is interfering. If she had thought it was necessary she should have made sure both of you were happy with it. It is not even about it being the first cut - any cut needed the permission of both of you.

My MIL looked after my DDs during the day for a week as I was performing in a music festival. I came home one day to find a plait missing on my DD's head - she had cut it off and MIL had not even noticed!

I agree. I wouldn’t allow my child to go overseas without me.

To me this is not about the haircut or a first, that’s secondary and I think you’re fixing on that as it’s hard to feel what’s really bothering you sometimes. To me the issue is that he hasn’t consulted with you on something that changes something about your daughter. A haircut changes her appearance so this is a joint decision. As you said you’d talk to him before doing this. Whether others think this is a big decision or not is negligible as for you it was.
I feel a chat when he’s back about what decisions are acceptable to do as individuals and what needs to be discussed as a couple. This means you will have to very vigilant that you include him too.

This would hack me off big time. It’s the lack of consideration which is the worst part. I imagine if he/she had called and said ‘do you mind if you we just trim this part’ you’d have probably said yes and missing her 1st haircut would’ve been an easier pill to swallow.
Definitely mention it so that they both understand that there has to be some boundaries. And also ask if you can keep some hair if it’s not too late.

I think mils attacking grogeous curls without aksing is part of the selfish Mills handbooks along with arguing over ancient unsuitable car seats and so on. I know of two other personal cases with friends where this has happened one little boy had the most grogeous mop of curly hair down to his shoulders mil decided for everyone that it was messy and got him a buzz cut like Wayne Rooney. Friend was beyond upset and the curls didn't grow back it was like a sudden ending of that part of the childhood.

Unless it was literally affecting eyes in which case some hair clips or hair bands then mentioning it to mum leave well alone.

Who would have the brass neck to do this.

Yep, complete over reaction

I get it. My ex cut off my DS lovely curls when I was out ine day (whilst we were still married), honestly I cried when I got back. DS looked terrible too because ex had no clue how to cut curls.
He didnt see the problem. But that was typical of hi., hence he's an ex !

I’d mention when back that it upset you not to be consulted. Just do he has an awareness incase another instances comes up.

Op definitely say something it doesn't have to be nasty, but make it clear because mil thinks something doesn't mean she's allowed to act on it with someone else's child.

Express feelings to your partner, does he often spend his contact time with mum?

Total non issue

It doesn't sound like he had much choice mum decided for him and probably shamed him into a neat trim because they, they had previously loved her curls.

There’s nothing to suggest the dad didn’t want the hair cut, other than OP’s assumption that he did that the MIL wanted rather than the OP. Does he not get an opinion of his own?
You can love your child’s hair and also have it trimmed, it’s not an opposite.

Sorry skim read this isn't dad on his own having a little adventure with dd and ending up with a hair cut without thinking... This is mil stepping into a parents role and making it sound neccasry because the child has messy hair and it must be neat

It's only hair, it will grow 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sofiewoo by all accounts both parents loved the dds gorgeous curls. It's mil who has over stepped and made it sound like a bad thing and the child needs to be her version of neat.

It’s not something I would have done but on the other hand if you have split up you are going to have to expect that things are going to take place when you are not involved.

All these mills trampling over boundaries to tidy kitchens and houses up a little, neaten up children's hair etc

I think you need to say something op.

Mums don’t own children or their hair. The child’s other parent gave permission for the hair to be cut.
You aren’t the final decision maker. No way would you have asked permission before giving your child a haircut.

You can still take her for her first proper hair cut at a salon. Just think of this as a DIY trim. It will grow back and then you can do the first real haircut with her xx

Would you have got together with your ex to discuss her first haircut or would you have just taken her?

This seems like an enormous overreaction.

Think or know? If there is a bit of you that would have done it without him there then you are being a bit hypocritical

I understand how big a deal it feels right now 🥲but honestly, in the long term it's really not a big deal.

BUT talk to him about anything else you want to be there for/decide when she's ready (might have to agree to discuss it together)

Try to focus on the fact that she seemed happy & well looked after xx

Had he ever mentioned getting it cut before this? Is his mum British? ( it's usual in some cultures for GMs to do this sort of thing). Ideally it shouldn't have happened, but it isn't a proper haircut, you still have that first.