Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not live with my Mum

31 replies

missb10 · 20/06/2025 23:33

I've posted on here before so this may feel familiar. I've been given a Section 21 notice to leave as my landlord is selling up. I'm looking for somewhere else to live, but private rentals round here are way out of my league and there is a long waiting list for social housing. The alternative is to move in with my Mum, but there are several things I have against that. We have very different lifestyles. I get up at 6.00 to have my shower and get breakfast before going to work, while she will wait until her carers get her up at 8.00. She goes to bed when her carers come round at 7.in the evening, whereas I obviously don't go to bed until much later. We have different tastes in music and television. She would still need her carers in the week as I need to work, although I could make her meals at the weekend. However, I don't want to have to wash and dress her, I think this is something that carers should do. It just doesn't feel right as she is my mother. Also, if she needs to go into a home I will not be able to stay in her house as it will have to be sold to pay for the care home fees. Advice anyone? Am I being a cow to my Mum by holding out for my own place?

OP posts:
missb10 · 22/06/2025 11:40

The house gets sold to pay for care home fees unless there is a spouse, or a child over 60, living there. I’m a few years off 60 and I’m not sure if there is a qualifying time for having to live there before being eligible to stay. I don’t know how my Mum will be over the next few years.

OP posts:
Greendayz · 21/06/2025 00:03

Doesn't sound like you've got much choice really. If you do move in with your mum, and she later moves to a care home, I don't think the house has to be sold to pay for care if there's someone living there, so you'd not lose your home. If the carers are all organised and being paid for, I don't see why you couldn't move in but keep as much care as she needs so your mum isn't reliant on you for day to day care.

FairCat · 20/06/2025 23:53

Difficult situation, I won't ask your ages but be aware that if you move in before your mum goes into care and you are over 60 at that time, the LA can't require the home to be sold to cover care fees. As a qualifying dependant you would have the right to continue living there.

missb10 · 20/06/2025 23:40

Ponoka7 · 20/06/2025 23:34

So if you don't move in with her, what will you do?

Wait until my landlord kicks me out? He's actually a decent bloke but he wants to sell and won't hang on for ever. So I'll be homeless eventually.

OP posts:
YinYangalang · 20/06/2025 23:35

No. Live your life. You only get one. Your Mum seems supported and in her own routine anyway.

Ponoka7 · 20/06/2025 23:34

So if you don't move in with her, what will you do?