To not live with my Mum

I get your hesitancy to move in with a mum who needs care. But it really is the right thing to do, from all angles particularly if you have very few accommodation options. Do the right thing.

Can you move to a slightly cheaper area and still do the same job?

I also thinking moving in with your Mum will end up being very aging for you and tiring, and you can easily lose your sense if your self.

Sorry to say but I think if you move in with your mum you will become old before your time.. I think you know this is going to be a day after day tiring situation.. mentally draining.. I say this because I worked in rest homes for years and I liked the work but I was always glad to leave and go home.. to my own place.. listen to my music.. watch my programs.. stay up late.. stay in bed!! and just have a bit of quiet time or not.. your really not being selfish!!

I'm another who doesn't really see what the problem would be living with Mum.

I mean, if you had to share a bedroom your different routines would be a problem, but I presume you'd have a bedroom yourself? Why would your Mum going to bed much earlier than you be an issue - as long as you don't have TV or music loud enough to disturb her, and your early start didn't either.

I can't see how these are insurmountable and I'm sure you'd both enjoy the company when your lives do overlap?

Why would you need to assume caring responsibilities if you moved in ? She has a care package arranged which can continue and in fact would be better for your relationship. The fact you get up earlier / go to bed later doesn’t make you incompatible and actually might make it work better. You can watch what you like / listen to what you like after she is in bed and prior to that as most households do - compromise ! I’m not sure the reasons you have posted mean you are incompatible and sound like issues similar to those most deal with in families i.e. different needs around sleep : night owl v early morning / different taste in TV / music.

You're failing spectacularly to see the whole picture. Firstly, there is specific council accommodation for the over 55's. It is usually way easier to get than "regular" social housing. That's why it has been suggested and it is a very good idea for the OP for check it out. Secondly, sheltered housing simply means having a warden on site but you have your own flat, own autonomy and lead a perfectly normal life in a perfectly normal flat. Finally - have you ever been homeless? Because I have and it's beyond the worst fucking thing you could ever imagine. I would have bitten anyone's hand off for a so called sheltered flat.

Its not about being ageist. Its about getting a secure home .in my area sheltered housing is a normal flat . On the street . There's no actual staff in the building the only difference between a standard flat and sheltered accommodation is its for over 55s/60s and there a couple of stings you can pull if you need help.

Also sheltered accommodation is a shorter waiting time.

The LA I work for doesn’t make people homeless to pay for care fees when someone has moved in to care for the person. As long as it wasn’t last week and she goes into care the week after. It’s called a discretionary disregard.

Either way if you move in with her now you could have a roof over your head for years to come.

You haven’t said how old you are, but as others have suggested if you’re 55+ it would be worth looking at over 55 housing as they have a much quicker turnover rate than family homes. They often don’t get as far as being advertised as they just offer them to the next person on the list.
There’s no way on God’s earth I could move in with my elderly DF so no you’re not unreasonable to avoid moving in with her (unless you get on particularly well). She could still have carers and I don’t see why your bedtime should be an issue.

Oh please... What a ridiculous comment 😀

It was mearly an option for op to consider as she is nearly 60 and it provides a suitable solution to her housing problem and would give her security.

Staying until your landlord goes through the full procedure to end the tenancy and evict isn't screwing them.

Anyone who has been a landlord in the last decade is, or should be, well aware of the fact that in most cases tenants now have to stay until eviction to receive any local authority housing help.

As a LL it's simply one of the things on the cost lists alongside gas checks and the likes now.

I think you are lucky that you have the option to stay with your mum, presumably it would be a cheap or even free option. Surely you can just stay there until you find somewhere else. The routine thing I don't get, we are a multi adult household and all have different routines and we make it work.

You just be England though with the section 21 right enough

Where are you? Are they paid for carers?

Be aware if you are in Scotland and they are funded carers then they'll look at reducing the care package if you are there.

I feel I'm missing a point here. I don't see that your lifestyles are incompatible - you get up earlier and go to bed later, so what? If she doesn't expect silence and you're considerate then that's fine. Different TV and music tastes - again, so what?

Agree the carers can / should continue, I think that would be better for both of you.

That’s not what she’s saying. She’s asking if it’s an option. And housing for over 55’s does exist in places.

It's not ageist - there are social housing facilities targeted at the over 55s

No it absolutely doesn’t. Unfortunately until op is at the point of being kicked out the council won’t prioritize her, until the system changes she is best advised to stay put.

You could live with your Mum, and let the carers and her routine continue as now. There is no rule that says you have to pick up the full intimate caring responsibilities. It would be company for her and presumably you could agreed a rent which means you could also save money too.

Might not be ideal, I grant you, but with the routines you describe you will barely be in contact with each other.

Alternatively there are schemes which match householders to people needing accommodation, in return for some help around the house and company, eg https://www.shareandcare.co.uk/. There are different organisations covering different parts of the country

Jeez, ageist much? Anyone over 55 needs sheltered housing 🙄

This. You have no obligation to be her carer. It may affect her if she gets benefits especially if she is on a disability benefit and get severe disability premium on a pension credit claim s she would lose that when you move in.

Is there any council sheltered housing near you that you could apply for,ideal for over 55's

I’m sure the LL has enough agency to tell OP to leave when he wants her to!

Is your mum expecting you to care for her?

I don’t understand why she can’t keep her carer?

Presumably you will pay her rent and buy your own food?

Screwing over your landlord because you don’t want to live with your mum or find somewhere else until you are forced to would make you a shitty human.