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Original poster

Sisters hen date disaster

39 replies

bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 20:44

Hi folks.

Big girl pants on here and looking for opinions

So my sister was due to get married this year and hen planned. I was involved in planning the hen (as her bridesmaid). But sister is now pregnant and has postponed the wedding and hen for a year (I knew the new date of the wedding but no discussions about new hen date).

I asked last night about letting friends and family know about the hen being postponed in our whatsapp group. I was told by moh (another sister) that she was going to update the group tomorrow. So low and behold.... she updated the group that the h3n wss postponed... and announced a new hen date for next year. First I heard of a decision being made on a new hen date and low and behold... it's the only date next year that my children's father has a wedding and won't be able to have our kids for the weekend. All my family are going to the hen.. and all my exh family are going to a family wedding abroad so I won't have anyone to mind the kids.

So mentioned to my sisters (bride and moh) that it was an issue for me and that I hadn't realised a date was being arranged. I'm really hurt this was organised with even mentioning it to me, her sister. And now I am being accused or making it all about me. I am going to really struggle to find someone to take my kids for a weekend. So now my sister are mad at me... saying hurtful things and hurling abuse at me.

Aibu for being hurt and expressing my feelings on it?

OP posts:
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Original poster
bottleofvodka · 21/06/2025 10:10

legyeleven · 20/06/2025 23:23

Can’t they go with their dad to this family wedding.

No, not practical really. He is going abroad for a long weekend for a family wedding (cousin). He had it in the calendar for last few weeks that he's away that weekend. I wouldn't ask him anyway. We are currently maintaining a good relationship as co-patents which has been a very long journey. I would be very hesitant to ask anything of him that could potentially affect our relationship

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 21/06/2025 07:47

Just say sorry, very unfortunate, can't do that date, and drop out of hen group chat.

legyeleven · 20/06/2025 23:23

Can’t they go with their dad to this family wedding.

BernardButlersBra · 20/06/2025 23:16

Drop the rope. Especially with the hurling abuse part. It's fine if she doesn't want to discuss dates or change but these are the repercussions. I'm a massive fan of natural consequences

PollyBell · 20/06/2025 23:13

I wouldn't go an the abuse alone noe to the wedding, if she cant act in mature adult way over this god help her poor future husband she sounds immature

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 20/06/2025 23:02

Maybe it's better not to go to the hen do. Just say it's a shame, but you can't make that date. It was up to her to choose the date that suited her and her bridesmaids, and she didn't. It's not your fault that it doesn't work.

Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 22:57

Octonaut4Life · 20/06/2025 20:51

It's not unreasonable to be a bit miffed but it depends how you communicated that. If you politely said "oh no that's the only date I can't make, is there any chance we can rearrange it?" then they would be unreasonable to be upset. If you made a big deal out of how hurt you were that they didn't consult you then there is a risk that you were indeed the unreasonable one.

So when I said to my sister the moh, I was told, oh God, sorry this has been decided... I have already changed the date with the hen company and I am don't want to change it again. So sorry about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 22:32

Sorry.. I'm out for a few drinks... will update properly about the hurling abuse
.

But in a nut shell... it was because I was starting an argument... ruined her evening when people were texting her about being pregnant.. I didn't know what she was going through and made it all about me

OP posts:
nomas · 20/06/2025 22:22

If your sister is such a bitch to hurl abuse at you for not having childcare, then I would gladly not attend her stupid hen do.

Sofiewoo · 20/06/2025 22:18

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:57

And would he not be willing to take your kids too for one night to enable your sister to have all her sisters at her hen?

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Really weird to expect someone with a literal infant to also have their SIL’s two children, one with SEN, on top of looking after their first baby alone overnight for probably the first time.

PullTheBricksDown · 20/06/2025 22:11

Ponoka7 · 20/06/2025 21:41

Will your Mum not bow out so you can go?

This. It's more important for women closer to the bride's age to go IMO.

BoudiccaRuled · 20/06/2025 22:03

It's really just an evening out - more important for friends going who won't know anyone else at the wedding. You, presumably, see your sister a lot and will know other people going to the wedding, so no problem.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 20/06/2025 22:02

To be honest if she was hurling abuse at me I would walk out.

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:57

bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:42

Her baby's father, the groom will be looking after their baby for the night, probably helped by his family if needed

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And would he not be willing to take your kids too for one night to enable your sister to have all her sisters at her hen?

Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:42

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:40

Well, the bride will have a baby by then - what is her childcare solution?

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Her baby's father, the groom will be looking after their baby for the night, probably helped by his family if needed

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 20/06/2025 21:41

Will your Mum not bow out so you can go?

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:40

bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:35

Nope. I'm the only one with kids..

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Well, the bride will have a baby by then - what is her childcare solution?

Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:35

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:26

Do your other two sisters have kids? If so, who will be looking after them?

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Nope. I'm the only one with kids..

OP posts:
Plantladylover · 20/06/2025 21:28

they sound awful
just tell them, if they stick with that weekend you won't be able to attend or help with arrangements.

BeliesBelief · 20/06/2025 21:26

bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:19

Sorry hit post too quickly.

I am a bridesmaid. There are 3 of us. All sisters. 1 is moh. I asked yesterday about letting everyone in the general hen whatsappgroup know that the original.date was to be rescheduled... my moh sister said she was waiting to hear back from the company we booked the hen with. Nothing about a new date.

If I'm honest, it hurt to find out at the same time as everyone else, in fact she checked the new date with some of her friends.. I'm her sister ffs. She was accommodating friends of hers with her new hen date.... didn't check with her Bridesmaid... her sister that it was ok.

Show quote history

Do your other two sisters have kids? If so, who will be looking after them?

FrodoBiggins · 20/06/2025 21:23

Who's "hurling abuse" at you? Your sister who's getting married or other sisters? And why? That sounds very odd

Sofiewoo · 20/06/2025 21:21

I think it would be very weird for your mother to go on your sister’s hen at your expense if she is usually your childcare choice.

Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:20

NeedToChangeName · 20/06/2025 21:19

How old are your children? I'd be surprised if you can't find someone to care for them, with a year's notice

They will be 10 and 5 but 10 year.old has sen

OP posts:
Original poster
bottleofvodka · 20/06/2025 21:19

MoistVonL · 20/06/2025 20:52

What about your dad or any brothers or brothers-in-law?

It’s up to the bride and MOH to decide on the date of a hen. If they opened it to a group discussion it would be like herding cats, so I am not surprised they just picked a date.

You have the best part of a year to sort out childcare between you and your husband (he is equally responsible for finding some). I think that’s reasonable.

I understand it’s quite frustrating, but this is your sister’s celebration, and she doesn’t have to worry about other people’s childcare issues. Just take it on the chin and talk about it with your husband to find some childcare.

Sorry hit post too quickly.

I am a bridesmaid. There are 3 of us. All sisters. 1 is moh. I asked yesterday about letting everyone in the general hen whatsappgroup know that the original.date was to be rescheduled... my moh sister said she was waiting to hear back from the company we booked the hen with. Nothing about a new date.

If I'm honest, it hurt to find out at the same time as everyone else, in fact she checked the new date with some of her friends.. I'm her sister ffs. She was accommodating friends of hers with her new hen date.... didn't check with her Bridesmaid... her sister that it was ok.

OP posts:
Walkerzoo · 20/06/2025 21:19

Do they assume you will babysit all the kids?

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