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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Really don’t know what to do !

34 replies

littleweedandherflowers · 20/06/2025 19:54

Feeling extremely emotional at the moment so please be gentle! I’m 9 days postpartum baby was born via c section and I’m still quite sore the consultant said he had to cut me two ways so it may take longer to heal, also being my 3rd section! Baby is heathy and lovely.
just a bit of context!
i thought my partner would be abit more supportive but I couldn’t feel less loved or uncared for if I tried !
he’s watched me struggle in pain to the loo until I’m at the loo door then says “ do you want help” yet will help his step dad without asking or being asked !
before I gave birth I asked him several times to help me get bits sorted for when baby arrived - he did one task and made more work for me but would go and help his mum lift heavy stuff and then not understand why I was so frustrated, I asked several times to help me get organised and sort though all the baby clothes etc any time I said I’d not felt baby move enough he would tell me to relax and that I was wasting time going to be monitored, final straw on that one was the day before my dd was born I didn’t feel well at all had a little bleed and pain with lack of movements and he told me I was doing it out of spite because I asked him to collect dd from school because I wouldn’t be home in time! Accused me of lying that I wasn’t being checked !
after birth I don’t feel loved or supported by him at all Infact I feel extremely sad at how he’s made me feel! I don’t feel like I’ve given birth I feel like I’ve just popped to Tesco and brought a baby off the shelf! As sad as that sounds !
I’ve had to take it easy because I’m still on a lot of pain on and off but if I ask him to help me with anything he “ forgets “ a few examples I asked him if he could get me some fresh pj literally a day after I had her - he forgot !
I asked him if he could find her carrier out - he hasn’t I’m assuming he’s forgot !
I asked whilst the weather is nice if he could get the double buggy out to see if it needs cleaning ( I was fortunate enough to be given a second hand one ) he didn’t get it out - he forgot
I also asked him if he could get certain sanitary pads from savers ( they only do them in there ) and some baby wipes also tweezers - he then found my tweezers and said oh great I’ll go tomorrow and get wipes completely forgetting I asked for some pads, where I’ve been sat the last week or so and not able to be up and about as much I’ve actually got sores where you don’t want sores so having the pad I feel comfortable in was important to me ! He’s cuddled me once since I’ve been home, he’s had a go at me because I asked him to take our almost 2 year old with him to dd after school activities because I was so exhausted! I just want to be loved and cared about by him instead of feeling like I’ve just given birth and he thinks the world of me I feel like a complete inconvenience and it’s really really upsetting me !

OP posts:
littleweedandherflowers · 20/06/2025 21:31

I’m absolutely heart broken that this is my memory of having babies instead of the loved cared for feeling xx

OP posts:
littleweedandherflowers · 20/06/2025 21:31

Thankfully I do have other support but he can be quite rude / unwelcoming to my family member helping me, he’ll say he isn’t but he’s made me feel quite uncomfortable this past week !
yes he was like this before but I thought we’d turned a corner and it was just a blip last time - how wrong was I !
I’ve also explained to him in great detail how he’s making me feel and I just get back - don’t be silly stop this etc ! Xx

OP posts:
HooverThatLounge · 20/06/2025 20:17

Is there anyone else who can help you? Mum? Friend? Someone who can also read him the riot act? You have just had major surgery, any other abdominal surgery would be 6 weeks of rest but with a c section you are also meant to care for a newborn too and any other children. This is why it is important to have a supportive partner and also other people who can help you too.

Was he like this after the previous babies or is this new? Any requests you should tell him to write them in his phone as he seems oh so forgetful. I am hoping that this is a blip and not the broken appliance situation whereby you usually do everything but right now you are broken, you cannot perform your usual duties and so he is frustrated at being asked to be a parent and provide items for you that you need, essential items such as pads.

ZippyPeer · 20/06/2025 20:16

How horrible for you OP 😫

You aren't been at all unreasonable.

If you have the energy I'd explain how you are feeling to him, and if he doesn't step up try and find others to help you. Extra bonus if that person will then give your DH a bollocking on your behalf...

Praying4Peace · 20/06/2025 20:05

What was he like after previous 2 children were born?
Sending you hugs OP
You need loving and caring for right now

Clarinet1 · 20/06/2025 20:04

Oh poor OP this sounds totally unacceptable. Was he like this after your other babies? It sounds to as though you need some other help - do you have any family or friends who could come? Maybe you should discuss this with your midwife or other healthcare professional - please don’t hold back or feel embarrassed to do so.

Tooearlytothink · 20/06/2025 20:02

And PP asked about other help - if there’s anyone else in the mean time make use of that as best you can.

Tooearlytothink · 20/06/2025 20:01

You need to have a proper chat & explain all this to him and set out your expectations. It’s utterly crap that he’s not sussed it out for himself but he hasn’t so you need to be practical. Set it all out and if he ups his game then great, it’s not as good as if he’d done it himself but at least you’ll have the help. If not you know where you stand and as soon as you’re well enough sounds like it’s time to make an exit plan.

blackbirdevensong · 20/06/2025 20:01

Ouch, that was a painful read, OP.

Congratulations on your new baby! Have you spoken to him about his behaviour since having your section? You've just had major surgery and you're looking after an newborn. Do you have someone else for support? I'd be livid if I was you.

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