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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being overly sensitive?

62 replies

Favouritefruits · 20/06/2025 19:32

My eldest son aged 10 hurt his hand at school on Monday, I took him to A&E whilst my youngest son was at home with his dad. After 6 hours in A&E and multiple attempts to fix his hand the Dr decided he needed surgery under GA on Friday. We left hospital in the early hours of the morning. My Husband got up for work the next day at 5 leaving me to do the school run and look after eldest son.DH works away so wasn’t back till Thursday. I thought this was ok but friends raised eyebrows at DH not cancelling work.

my sons surgery was this morning, I got up at 6 and we were at the hospital for 7. My DH took youngest to school came back off the school run went on a bike ride then left for his brothers house for a bike event and he won’t b back till Monday evening. On his way to the motorway he popped in to be hospital to see son for 5mins (literally 5mins) son was under GA do was very groggy when his dad came. I had to rush to pick youngest up from school then collect eldest from hospital and look after both on my own all weekend which I am more than capable of, non of my family have asked how my son is or if I’m tired I’ve just cracked on.

i bumped into some mums on the school run who were surprised to see me and were shocked at how DH has behaved.

would you expect more from your DH or do you think his lack of empathy is ok? I’m really torn.

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 20/06/2025 19:49

I think it was a bit selfish of him. I understand him
having to work as normal during the week but today he should of wanted to be around to support you and be there for his child. It doesn’t matter if it’s ’routine surgery’, his child was under GA and was bound to be nervous about it all.
Your husband should be there to support the family.

Original poster
Favouritefruits · 20/06/2025 19:48

most other parents at hospital had either their partner or another adult with them I did at one point think where’s my someone to help me? But shrugged it off and stopped feeling sorry for myself and concentrated on my child as all he really needed was his mum

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 20/06/2025 19:46

Your husband has just shown you how very little he cares about his children or you. I am fuming on your behalf.

AmelieSummer25 · 20/06/2025 19:46

I wouldn't have expected him to cancel work, but I'd expect him to cancel pissing off to his brothers early today, when he could have done youngest (coming home) school run & sorted out a few things. I'd have been fine with him still going later this afternoon/ tonight once I was home with eldest from the hospital.

it would also depend how the child would feel? If they weren't that bothered, then fine, but if they'd be really upset I'd expect DH to take that into consideration when deciding whether to still go to the bike event or not

JLou08 · 20/06/2025 19:44

My DC had a small procedure under general anesthetic. I was terrified. I find it really strange that he seemed to not care at all. I don't think there was anything wrong with him going back to work after the accident but he should have stayed with the DC on Friday so he weren't left alone whilst you did the school run.

Original poster
Favouritefruits · 20/06/2025 19:43

I’m quite independent and honestly don’t mind when he goes away but it’s how shocked the school mums were it made me a bit upset and I thought ‘yes you’re right he should be here’ I feel sorry for my son because of course he’d like his Dad around but in all honesty if his dad was here he wouldn’t do very much apart from moan.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 20/06/2025 19:41

Was your son off school in the days between the accident and the surgery? I don’t really see why your friends would think it unacceptable that your DH still went away for work. You were there (it sounds like you don’t work, so I’m assuming you didn’t need to rearrange work? My answer would be very different if you did), and I don’t think it warranted cancelling a work trip.

I guess he was on leave today? No, I don’t really think it’s ok to leave you juggling the school pick up and getting home from the hospital, and not really seeing his son - even though it doesn’t sound serious, I’m sure your son was still nervous.

But if you were fine with the weekend away before, then I think he was fine to still go (once he’d pulled his weight on surgery day).

3luckystars · 20/06/2025 19:40

Sorry misread, he is gone to a bike event, not work. He is a loser.

3luckystars · 20/06/2025 19:39

Your husband should have wanted to be with him.
He is his dad and surgery a big deal at any age.
Have you Force Majeure leave where you are?
Most parents would try to me around on the day of the surgery at least.

beetr00 · 20/06/2025 19:38

@Favouritefruits would depend if it's a regular occurrence, especially if he doesn't generally pull his weight and most importantly if it bothers you?

TheShadowOfTheWizard · 20/06/2025 19:37

I'm sorry I think he's a selfish manchild. He should be showing more care and concern for your son and you /how you're coping.

DoYouReally · 20/06/2025 19:35

It's relatively routine surgery on a limb so I don't think there was any needy for your husband to go as well as you.

If it was major surgery on an organ, I would think differently.