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AIBU?

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Original poster

Finally spoke to the neighbours..WIU?

83 replies

reallyrelieved · 20/06/2025 18:18

Feeling quite relieved but now wondering if I was U…?
We live in a detached bungalow with 2 DC under 5. Our neighbours are lovely people but before we moved in they had spent years living next to an old guy who it sounds like barely moved.

My DS aged 5’s window is opposite their kitchen door. They have their door open all day and evening until, at this time of year, about 10pm, with a TV on loud and a phone which rings very very loudly. The phone does a tune like it’s played in a piano type thing. You would hear the phone ringing down the street. They are obviously a bit deaf but my son said it wakes him up when his little window is open and this has been the case for 4 years now since we moved in. I have often wondered why they can’t close the door over, knowing he’s a few feet away, and open the windows (facing the other direction at the back of the kitchen).

Today, I mentioned it to the man, I just came up with the courage when we saw him out front, I loathe complaining and get very nervous doing so, but I feel sooooo relieved to have got this off my chest. I feel now they will just keep us in mind a bit more and that they have hopefully gone from a bit inconsiderate, to a bit more considerate neighbours.

Only issue is, DH didn’t want to say anything, he is also a non-complainer in life, and so now I’m wondering if I was U? Am I being too nice here?

OP posts:
LadyWiddiothethird · 21/06/2025 13:26

Shut the window in your child’s room,you cannot expect other people to alter their lifestyle for a 5year old!

Pushmepullu · 21/06/2025 13:22

Our back door is open all the time for about 5 months of the year. It opens into the kitchen. Opening other windows doesn’t cool the house as much as having the door open. Opening windows in the evening in the rooms we are in means insects coming in (we have a mosquito door on the back door). If you were my neighbour and took 4 years to say something then quite honestly I would ignore you, it can’t be that bad if it’s taken so long for you to mention it. Why does your son’s comfort trump my comfort?

Judiezones · 21/06/2025 13:12

When I was a child we weren't allowed to make a lot of noise in the garden in the evening because there were babies and young children across the road. That has stayed with me, to be considerate to others. If I was your neighbour I would be quiet around your child's window just because it's the right thing to do. It seems strange to leave a door open anyway, if they have windows they can open.

3Mz73 · 21/06/2025 13:12

To summarise, what are you doing to solve this issue?
Bugger all.
The majority of replies are calling you out OP.
The more you protest the more unreasonable you seem.

Tontostitis · 21/06/2025 13:03

reallyrelieved · 21/06/2025 11:19

There’s been a development this morning. We were leaving the house to go out and neighbour came out to say he’d turned the phone volume down, like that was the problem sorted. The problem is still very much there because of the door open.
I mentioned my DS listening to their TV and conversations right by his window. The man said he doesn’t want to close the door because it’s hot. I said what about the 2 large windows at the back, and that’s how we keep the kitchen cool without having the side door wide open late. He said he will try.
AIBU to ask them to close the door?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I live in a detached bungalow and the kitchen doors line up with next doors has your bungalow, or has theirs? been changed around as it's incredibly poor design to have a bedroom window that close to a kitchen door? Our kitchen door is open from 7am til we go to bed and I'd laugh if my neighbour told me off tbh. The phone thing fine you're right but you can't ask/tell someone to shut their door

fruitflavouredmilk · 21/06/2025 13:02

Hobnobswantshernameback · 21/06/2025 12:57

Have you posted about this before? I swear there was an almost identical thread a few weeks ago

Yes.

PluckyBamboo · 21/06/2025 13:01

Do you not have a trampoline or baseball hoop that DS could spent the day using?

If you can't beat them, join them.

Oh, and i sympathise that it takes courage to ask. When I finally pointed out to my 40+ bellend neighbour that my garden is exactly that, a privately owned garden and not a free dog park for him enter at will to kick footballs around rather than walk his dog in the more traditional sense, I was met with a barrage of abuse as apparently I dont use my garden anyway 🤣. He must have thought DH spends an hour every week cutting the grass just for his benefit, I refer you back to bellend....

Hobnobswantshernameback · 21/06/2025 12:57

Have you posted about this before? I swear there was an almost identical thread a few weeks ago

Flamingoknees · 21/06/2025 12:52

notatinydancer · 21/06/2025 12:21

No , she explained she wants them to open the 2 large windows on the other side of the property from her son’s bedroom.

Show quote history

And close the door. She very clearly wants them to close the door.

Brefugee · 21/06/2025 12:52

reallyrelieved · 21/06/2025 11:56

I absolutely don’t expect them to close the door during the day. Just the evening when DS is sleeping. We have the exact same house as them and we don’t need our kitchen door open all evening, there are 2 large windows at the back, which face the garden and keep the room cool.
Yea it is very hot at the moment but I don’t see how an open door is a must when you have 2 large windows to open. If I could understand it then I would be able to justify them waking my son but I can’t justify it unless I’m missing something?

I don't expect people to restrict their lives - absent anti-social behavour - just because i have a child.

When mine were small i was as considerate of the neighbours as i could be, but the day he asked me to send my kids in - 33° and they were laughing - because he wanted to sleep in the sun was one of the times i said "respectfully no, i will bring them in if it gets loud and screamy" (his wife came out and gave them ice lollies and said "don't mind him")

now my neighbours have 3 young boys and it gets very loud, but i don't expect them to be unheard, and likewise i don't expect them to complain if i mow my grass on a saturday, even if it's their baby's nap time

tigger1001 · 21/06/2025 12:52

reallyrelieved · 21/06/2025 11:56

I absolutely don’t expect them to close the door during the day. Just the evening when DS is sleeping. We have the exact same house as them and we don’t need our kitchen door open all evening, there are 2 large windows at the back, which face the garden and keep the room cool.
Yea it is very hot at the moment but I don’t see how an open door is a must when you have 2 large windows to open. If I could understand it then I would be able to justify them waking my son but I can’t justify it unless I’m missing something?

You don't need to understand it though. It's their door and they can keep it open if they want to.

hopefully they will be a little more mindful of the noise that carries though.

WhamBamThankU · 21/06/2025 12:51

They don’t have to do anything for you. They’ve turned the phone down but I wouldn’t close my door if I was them. Shut your sons window is the most obvious solution!

Topsy44 · 21/06/2025 12:48

YANBU. The sound of the phone noise you describe would really irritate me and the fact that their noise is waking up your son is just inconsiderate.

Starlight7080 · 21/06/2025 12:38

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:21

Yes, this

Show quote history

If we are home ours is open unless raining.
Can you not close your window and use a fan

SunnyDayDream · 21/06/2025 12:37

Close your own window

Doggymummar · 21/06/2025 12:30

I'm sure I'm falling for a joke thread. But some of you are treating it seriously 😒 so I will too. Close your sons window and put an Aircon unit in there. You can't ask people to close their doors or windows, this is for you to fix

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:29

reallyrelieved · 21/06/2025 11:56

I absolutely don’t expect them to close the door during the day. Just the evening when DS is sleeping. We have the exact same house as them and we don’t need our kitchen door open all evening, there are 2 large windows at the back, which face the garden and keep the room cool.
Yea it is very hot at the moment but I don’t see how an open door is a must when you have 2 large windows to open. If I could understand it then I would be able to justify them waking my son but I can’t justify it unless I’m missing something?

You are not in a position to 'justify' it. It's not you doing the 'thing'

they don't need to 'justify' having their own back door open.

whether you di or not is irreverent to what they choose to do

stop acting as though you are entitled to make them do this, you're not.

but a fan for DS & keep his window shut. Ear plugs?? Inconvenience yourself & swap the kids rooms.

just stop imagining they must close their door first you.

BelindaCardAisle · 21/06/2025 12:23

So, going by previous advice always given, when someone is complaining about neighbours noise and sleep - you shut your kids window, you play white noise, they wear ear plugs, and you suck it up.

JustPinkFinch · 21/06/2025 12:22

I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered if you asked this of me OP, and would probably oblige. Unless your son disturbs me of course. If he's regularly shouting, screaming, kicking balls around in the garden for example, I may be less enthusiastic about helping you out.

CopperWhite · 21/06/2025 12:22

I wish neighbours would just make an effort to close the door and open the windows for us.

Maybe they wish you’d shut your sons window for him.

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:21

SantaToSSD · 21/06/2025 12:17

I'm guessing the difference between the kitchen door being open and the 2 kitchen windows being open is that they can't walk through the windows. The first thing I do in the morning is open my kitchen door and it is often the last thing to be shut at night. I think you should look for an alternative solution along the lines of shutting your son's window and investing in a small air con or fan.

Edited

& this

notatinydancer · 21/06/2025 12:21

cherrycherrypickin · 20/06/2025 18:34

You want them to keep the door closed in this weather? I think YABU.

No , she explained she wants them to open the 2 large windows on the other side of the property from her son’s bedroom.

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:21

KarmenPQZ · 21/06/2025 12:16

We have our back door open when we’re in probably for 9 months of the year. That’s just how we live. You’re massively entitled asking them to shut doors and open windows to suit you

Yes, this

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:20

reallyrelieved · 21/06/2025 12:18

We have 3 bedrooms and 2DC so someone has to sleep in the side bedroom unfortunately or we’d move him. It’s not large enough for a double bed or we might’ve swapped with him. My other DC is 1 and wakes up regularly so needs to be away from DS and next to us so we’re at the front of the house. I wish we had another room, or I wish neighbours would just make an effort to close the door and open the windows for us.

'Make the effort'

you mean be hot & uncomfortable for you.

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 12:18

Pinty · 21/06/2025 11:25

Most people don't leave their doors open do they? Unless they are french doors/folds etc.
Windows yes but I never leave my front or kitchen door wide open.

Show quote history

I do. It's wide open until I go to bed.

my neighbours are getting increasingly hard of hearing as they are getting older & he has a booming voice which is getting louder, it's a bit annoying, but it's life. (When you can't afford a remote house in the countryside).

id find it very weird you bringing it up 4 years later in a heatwave!!