‘Don’t splash me!’

I think this is the crux of the matter. I'm sure OP could regale us with many many more instances of H being a prick, ruining family time with his shitty attitude, etc etc then blaming her.

If he randomly started talking about an insurance payment right after this it sounds like HE doesn't want to be there at all. But he's not man enough to use his words and say hey we have a problem here, I hate you and our child so instead he shows it with his actions.

OP if I were you I'd do some serious thinking about how a separation would look and work. Then I'd make my plans and get to it. Don't endanger yourself, take your time and do it right. This is no way to live for any of you. 💝

Oh that sounds all sorts of wrong to me.

I hate being splashed and I’ve snapped at my dc for doing it, and their reaction is usually along the lines of “oh sorry mum, I forgot” and offering me a cold wet hug instead. But vanishing smiles? No.

It sounds like you both have to walk on eggshells around him, and not be spontaneous, natural and unguarded in your reactions.

Is he abusive in other ways too?

🤗

The splashing of water comment sounds a bit unkind and unnecessary, but the driving comment would have infuriated me too. My husband says similar things, as though I am driving with a blindfold on and can’t see a thing! Holidays can be so stressful though, especially when it’s hot, and even more so with a young child to entertain.

Make a plan to restart an i dependent life. Go home with your dd if you can and settle back i your home country. You sound like you accepted the ex pat life with him thinking the ex pat lifestyle would be worth it. But what price childhood memories of the beach with sulky, snappy, irritable dad?

“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

That's an awful lot of exaggeration and assumption, followed by a big, steaming lump of self satisfaction.

I have always told my kids not to splash people- one thing if it’s accidental in a pool when they’re playing, but I think they need to learn not to delicately do it, as loads of people hate it! The ‘saying awful things’ to you is a lot more worrying though, hope you’re ok OP

Tbh I absolutely hate when someone tells me "watch out for the bus/passer by/whatever" - it's so distracting and patronising, if you have anxiety and feel the need to tell the driver such shit then maybe walk instead or close your eyes as they drive.
Youd DP sounds like a dick mind you.

Yes we all would as they know better.

It sounds like you may be on the lookout for ways to criticise him and he knows this. Why shouldn't he talk about bike insurance? That's a bizarre thing for you to complain about.

But…you are also real people with real lives and real things to discuss. Are you honestly saying that insurance shouldn’t be discussed in front of your child?! Your family life shouldn’t be 100% a funfest
for you kids; that’s very unrealistic.

I would be pissed off of my husband said I should only talk about child-focused things when my child is present. Fuck that! Kids fit into family life, or they should anyway.

I mean I would try and channel my inner gentle parent but I’m a human being with a whole rich inner life of my own so I might be a bit snappy or sharp or not always my most delightful and charming self when I have just been doused in sea water. Do you never snap at your kids or use a sharper tone than intended? What’s it like being perfect?

I would think my husband had lost his marbles if he threatened to leave me over it though. Maybe it’s the same for OP’s husband?

Can people stop pretending they’ve never spoken sharply to our kids when they’ve done something we’d rather they hadn’t? Yes, EVEN on holiday 😱

Maybe being unexpectedly splashed doesn’t bother some people, fine. But maybe your child has drawn on your arm, spilt something down your top, accidentally broken something, jumped on you and started hanging off your neck, whatever it is, we’ve all…ALL, bitten our kids heads off for doing normal kid things at some point in our parenting careers. Having a moment like that doesn’t make you a “po-faced cats bum” as a delightful PP put it. It makes you human for God’s sake.

That's...not what happened.

I’m yet to hear what these “awful things” were that he said. When asked OP says, “Oh you know, I don’t need you to tell me how to drive etc etc”…There hasn’t been one example of an actually “awful thing” that he’s said.

I absolutely hate being splashed; I have no fear of cold water (I’m always the first one in), but have incredibly sensitive eyes and just a few drops of sea water is enough to temporarily blind me until I’ve rinsed it out (I do wear big shades in the sea). So my son knows not to splash me, and if he did, I’d be speaking sharply to him.

I can’t quite see what OP’s partner has done wrong, tbh.

Oh, for goodness sake. I suppose you were an advocate of the belief that 'children should be seen and not heard'.
OP, your daughter did nothing wrong. If your DH is not able to adjust his tone to talk to a young child then he's the problem.

Same here

It's not really about telling her not to splash though. It's fine not to like being splashed. It's about how he told her. Similarly my husband and I will occasionally have back seat driver incidents but it doesn't provoke outright nastiness from either of us.

I think @Justputsomecocoabutteronit you're making it clear that you are no longer enjoying living with this man and your relationship with him. The question is what are you going to do about it?

You can either have a serious conversation with him about it and explain the effect his attitude is having on you, or you make plans to leave.

If my kid kept doing it when i'd specifically asked them not to then yeah, I'd shout at them for it. If someone does something to someone and the receiver doesn't find it fun, hates it, feels uncomfortable etc and the other person takes no notice and carries on then that's just not nice behaviour. That applies to adults AND kids in my view. "It's only a bit of water" doesn't rub with me, I didn't like it when you did it the first time and told you so, so why would you carry on.

There' s a difference between beingsplashed by accident when a child kicks their feet too hard while swimming when you're alreayd in the water, or jumps in next to you, or throws a ball and it lands next to you, and a kid deliberately scooping their hand across the water to splash you on purpose when you have specifically wanted to get used the cold water gradually. The latter is REALLY annoying, and is not very fun from the point of view of the person struggling to get used to the cold water.

Some people like my DH don't seem very sensitive to temperatures (his hands are always toasty when mine are blue blocks of ice in the winter outside, for example). Others, like myself, find getting into a cold pool or sea difficult, don't particularly enjoy the whole thing.

She doesn't even say the water was cold, let alone freezing.

There's better ways to dissuade a small child from having fun than making them feel like crap.