Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

But he’s had 3 years of socialising with her without your present?

Sorry, just seen he has told her to stop. So all good I hope x

But even if the op had said everyone involved in in their twenties, I still would have thought WTAF!!

She sounds like a nightmare and I understand your POV, but if I was your husband I’d want to invite her as she is part of a group and excluding her is uncomfortable for him. I wouldn’t like my DP telling me I’m not ‘allowed’ to invite someone to my own wedding. I’d hope they’d accept that guest for my comfort as you won’t need to even talk to her at the wedding. She will be in her friendship group and you will be busy.

You are joking.

seriously

so we have a sex pest for a friend
we have a couple getting married who are arguing and reached stale mate over sex pest guest because fiancé is worried about losing his team mates

i mean…. No words

I'm actually a little torn here. I've always had male friends first before female - a lot less drama and 'sometimes' bitchiness BUT saying that, I do not think it's OK to invade anyone's personal space - male or female. I keep hearing this 'pick me' quote for women like me and it's not about wanting to be one of the boys to get other girls jealous etc, it's more about men are generally so much more easy going. If you don't contact them for a month as you're busy, or you put your foot in it, men don't hold a grudge, they just move on. You don't seem to like her for whatever reason, mainly because she's a girl in a mans world?

But as I said, she should never be pinching anyone's arse - no matter how much she's joking. But I do think that's a slight husband to be problem in that he can't tell her to stop if it is hurting your feelings. Maybe he needs to for your sake but I do think she should be invited to the wedding.

Let’s be honest, it’s not “banter”, because men don’t, in the main, grope each other for fun. She just likes groping men and gets a sexual thrill out of it, and knows she gets away with it by attributing it to “bantz”. If she were a man, groping women, she’d (rightly) be reported to the police.

Sounds like someone I know, even down to approximate age and I don’t disagree with the OP at all.

on your actual wedding day let alone all of married life, surely the partner's feelings come first. As others have said, I don't think I could marry a man who could tolerate, let alone justify such behaviour from a woman or a man.

This - and make sure she comes with her husband or not at all. And if she touches yours....punch her 😉

So you lost your shit, did your boyfriend lose his too at her?

I don’t think YABU but I think most people end up with a few people invited to their wedding that they’d really rather weren’t there.

And you say you don’t want a “pick me” but you’ve set this up as a situation where the groom has to pick either your feelings or hers (team gossip).

Get him involved in the seating plan. Oh we can’t sit Handsy Hannah with the team because the one of the wives might kick off, and we can’t put her in earshot of vicar or Auntie X because they would be shocked. Is she too loud to be beside deaf Uncle Y, he wouldn’t be able to use his hearing aid, etc. Contextualise her behaviour in a wider audience to make it clear how inappropriate and uncool this all is.

Eh. Do you know what misogyny means?
The misuse of that word on this site is proper cringe 🤪

Perfectly reasonable to exclude this kind of behaviour from your wedding, or any other gathering. Also, a wedding is mainly the bride's day and the bride has the final say, including on the guest list. Others can express an opinion but any event needs one person to arbitrate when there's a difference of opinion, for a wedding that person is the bride.

maybe he has no balls either

Can’t she just come for the evening, not the ceremony or the meal

Good Lord. She's in her late 40s?

I think you can exclude her, if not because you don't like her (he does and it's his wedding too) then because she doesn't know how to behave and is likely to ruin the day, not just for you but for any poor unfortunate man who gets suddenly felt up against his wishes, and any partner who might be with him. I think it's more than reasonable not to invite someone who's likely to be a menace to other guests and really has absolutely no excuse. If the worst thing she was likely to do was to bore the pants off everyone with fishing stories, that's what the alcohol is for. Inappropriate and unwanted arse grabbing is another level. It's assault.

Since you're happy to be the heavy, go with that.

Let him invite her on the understanding that he has to have a serious conversation with her about her behaviour first.

You don't like her, fair enough.

Your partner does, they're friends. Comes w. the territory.

Losing your shit at her for an arse grab does sound terribly insecure though. Lads being lads do it - she's a girl in the lad group. Big whoop. If she grabbed YOUR ass and you didn't like it - totes different of course.

Ooh no, no invite for her! My H's female best friend is kind of the same. All her friends bar one are male, she doesn't grope but flirts outrageously with anyone with a penis (despite being in a long term relationship...), she talks about 'boy stuff' (I know interests don't belong to one sex but I got fucking sick of listening to her drone on to H about cars, football and wrestling).

She essentially completely blanked me every time we saw her just to snuggle up to H on the sofa while I get the armchair and ramble on at H about their shared (pre-me - we've been married years and years!) history - always the same anecdotes too - and the aforementioned interests. Never made any effort to get to know me at all.

She also performatively burps and farts which her male friends all apparently find hilarious 🤢

I've never, ever done this before (my H's friends are mainly female and my ex used to have cinema nights and even sleepovers with his female friends who were actually exes! I'm not naturally jealous at all though H thinks I am about this dickhead. Really, really not - I just don't like her! But I explained my reasoning and told H I didn't want to see her, didn't want to have her at the flat when I'm there etc. He's free to do what he wants when I'm out, go to the pub or this friend's home etc, but I'm sick of having someone totally ignore me and burp and fart and get drunk on cheap strong cider constantly in my own home.

She then proceeded to threaten to 'rip me limb from limb' via FB (she's now blocked and I'd like to see her fucking try 🤣)

You are trying to pick his friends and this will cause an issue in his friends group

at least be honest about it

Yanbu.
If she was really their friend she would respect their wives and not cross boundaries all the time

I said I think she is inappropriate. But I wonder if they don’t feel comfortable. I am surprised that that amount of men, all feeling uncomfortable, have said nothing.

Edit - OP has mentioned her behaviour AND. a few of the group which suggests some of them actively encourage/join in. That is what I am getting at.