Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

The opposite. A nice easy shortcut for a certain type of woman, the one who gives zero fucks about women and will grovel to men and shit all over any female in her desperate scrabble to clamber to an erect dick.

This is peak Mumsnet.

This. I fucking hate the “Pick Me” trope so you lost me at that OP. Just yet another way of society putting down women and keeping them in their place.

I’d be prepared to call the wedding off or elope instead! Personally I could not have someone like that around me and feel it risks ruining a very special day just to save face, plus your feelings should be more important to him than hers.

@herecomethedrums2025 is she grovelling and begging for men’s attention? Or is it possible that she’s just been friends with him since primary school and they do the same sport. Perhaps he voluntarily gives her his attention because of the fondness of that longstanding friendship and shared interest. There’s nothing to be threatened by here. There’s no reason to think it’s sexually motivated.

Sounds like it, because “people will think it’s weird if she’s not there”, but will they? Sounds like everybody knows what she’s like, but they give her a pass because it’s just ‘how she is’.

But I wouldn’t want her there, either, and I’d be quite firm about it. If anybody asks, tell them it’s because she is inappropriate and doesn’t seem to be able to control herself amongst sensible grown-ups.

But, as a PP said, I’m not sure I’d want to be marrying ‘into this team’…

I know a woman who sounds remarkably like this. Her name does not begin with 'R' does it?

Anyway- the one I am thinking of, she might be married but she has broken up a few in her time by screwing the men in her hobby group.

It;s definitely marking territory. And if your woman is anything like the one I know if you don't invite her she;ll try and get revenge in the only way she knows how- by asserting her dominance over your DH by trying to seduce him. Might be a good idea to give him the heads up. It took me pointing out quite methodically with DH his 'friend's' MO with the men in the group- as soon as they got a new girlfriend she targeted them 'jokingly' of course. But once he saw it, he could not unsee it.

I raise that bet to one thousand

OP should have more self respect, imagine arguing over some creepy, hands woman with her fiance instead of just enjoying her wedding plans. So sad.

I would give him the choice.

He can have her at the wedding, or me.

And that would be non negotiable.

No it’s not about the being groped. You are a group of friends! The one that causes the awkwardness is the one that will be phased out. Doesn’t matter what the situation is! It’s gone on too long no one has stopped her and now he’s gonna say well she can’t come and it’s him causes the issue not. Do I agree with it no! Is it what will happen 100% because at the moment their is no problem in anyone else eyes and he will be Seen to be causing one

It's it bitchy? I think it's a reasonable way to describe the way some women behave.
It's perfectly possible to interact with men without getting silly and flirty and handsy.

There are some women who grovel and beg for men's attention above all. they are Pickmes, easy to spot.

This particular pickme is creepy and handsy. Super easy to figure this out, she doesn't get an invite. Sorted.

Hmm. Do you object to the men's banter as strongly? It seems unlikely that she's the only one in the group who finds it funny?

At this stage we don’t know what the knock on effect of not inviting team sports girl to the wedding might be. It could lead to all sorts of conflicts and potentially long term resentments from different parties. Who wants to plan a wedding with that in the background? I’m not saying it’s always best to keep the peace. But easy peasy? No.

I find the whole “pick me” thing is often just an example of women being bitchy towards other women.

You sound a bit competitive with her. You feel that she is pissing on him like a dog marking her territory. Perhaps she is just behaving with him as she has always done in their longstanding friendship. It doesn't sound like your husband thought she was inappropriate.

Most people will dislike at least one of their DH’s friends. It doesn’t mean they ban them from their wedding!

Right. He is choosing to allow a creepy handsy woman in his life. She very definitely has a fiance problem.

Sorry, cross post!

The problem is your DP, who doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour. He's the problem because his bar on friendships is very low. So if it isn't this person it will be someone else.

you've got to decide if he's the type of man you want to marry and put up with. He sounds horrendous, him and his sporting mates and this woman on tow. Urgh.

I would bet £100 that he has not, in fact, ever told her to stop other than that one time in front of you. She sounds dreadful, but so do the men in the group. I'd throw this one back.

I would not be confident that your DP actually does tell her “no” when you aren’t around to see it OP. It sounds like he loves the attention, tbh.

You are not wrong, but it will cause tension in the group to not invite one person. However if team and partners invited and likely to be someone offended and kicking off about her behaviour i would not have her there to avoid any scene at wedding between her and any of the other wives if she doesn't behave.

Jfc she could fuck right off

Have you asked him how he'd feel about you inviting a male friend who would probably grope your arse but 'it's only banter'? You're not BU in the slightest! You don't have to invite someone to your wedding who you actively dislike!