Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

Basically he wants her there as someone he’s know since primary school, but knows better than to say that,

I would have said that's a better reason to invite her than the team thing to be honest.

My DH has a friend like this from university. I had only met her once before the wedding and she was exactly how you describe your DP's friend. The next time she was in the area I told my DH (fiance at the time) to go by himself (with other mutual friends) as I had no interest in seeing her. My DH nipped outside to give me a call to check in, she followed him outside and I heard her on the other end of the phone telling him to 'hang up on the princess' and ribbing him for becoming boring since he met me. So at this stage I actively disliked her.
I did object to her coming to the wedding but DH seemed to think it would make things awkward, I didn't care enough about her to put up a fight about it and let him invite her. She heckled the whole way through the speeches, brought up to my mother that DH had slept with a lot of people at university (over 15 years before he met me, but still distasteful) and got so drunk she vomited outside the venue before spending the rest of the evening crying in her bedroom (that we paid for!)
That being said I am glad she came because on the whole it didn't dampen my day and DH has now seen her for what she is and hasn't seen her since.

If I were you, Unless you genuinely feel she could sexually assault someone, I would decide whether it was worth the hassle of arguing with your fiance over it, I am sure you have so many other things that are so much more important and enjoyable for you to focus on. This is your day, people won't be focussing on her and 'pick me' attitudes generally go down badly at weddings, let her show her true colours. Hope you have a beautiful day :-).

wives of men on the team hate it

You need to erm, talk to the wives? Speak to their husbands? I don’t know, but I think the answer might be through the wives somehow. Is it all just kept quiet for the benefits of ‘the team’ then? Can you speak about it openly, then the wives might feel emboldened to join in?

Well I can't really give you advice because I wouldn't be marrying a man who excuses a friend who sexually assaults other people. My husband wouldn't be friends with someone like this any more than I would. "It's just the way she is" isn't an acceptable excuse in my opinion.

I don' know what "pick me" behavior means. You keep using that term. But anyway I don't know how to advise you if your fiancé really doesn't see it as a problem.

The more you resist the more it persists.
I would honestly let her embarrass herself at your wedding and then everybody will see what you've already seen. She'll probably get very drunk and act out if she's that sort of person.
Path of least resistance. Sounds like a cop out but it's a well thought out strategy.

So she sexually assaults men but it’s ok because that’s just who she is…

Wow.

If she was a man someone’s chap would have lamped them by now or there would have been an actual report for sexual assault. But people don’t see sexual assault by women to men as the same for some reason.

Your dh should read some or most of these comments.

Would it be ok if you had a male friend that grabbed your tits or vulva or arse and invited you to sit on his lap because it’s just how he is or would he think it’s inappropriate.

I’ve no idea what you mean by “ pick me” behaviour. The Pick Me dance usually refers to someone who is trying to win back a cheating partner.
I think you just don’t like her. Fair enough. But if you are adamant she can’t come to the wedding please be prepared for your partner to say the same thing about a friend or relative of yours .And you’d have yo suck it up and not invite them too.

She’s a sex pest. No misogyny involved with excluding her. And no, don’t feel guilty about making things uncomfortable—this is a direct consequence of her actions. She’s in the FO phase of FAFO.

Basically he wants her there as someone he’s know since primary school, but knows better than to say that, so is dressing it up as a team thing, he can’t just not invite one person.

"He knows better than to say that". Really? You won't allow him to be honest and to call her a friend?

She’s groping and completely inappropriate sexual behaviour

Agree. She's a sex pest, dressing it up as friendly banter like any other sex pest.

You can always hope she's grown up in the three years since you saw her.

Disliking an irritating, attention-seeking boundary-crosser is nothing to do with misogyny FFS.

I see it as pick me behaviour

fgs it’s not “pick me” behaviour…. It’s groping and inappropriate behaviour.

Would you call it that if it was a man behaving like this to women?

I’d say she loves how much headspace you’re giving this, OP.

People who thrive on negative attention from others LOVE being given the opportunity to act the victim. I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

If you haven’t seen her in three years, she may have changed and matured. If not, she’ll only embarrass herself- you and your DP will barely see any of your guests during the day itself, so let her get on with whatever cringey behaviour she likes.

She sounds annoying as fuck and I don’t blame you for not liking her, but if it would put your husband in a difficult position I’d let her come for his sake. The relationship between the two of you is more important

So one actually friends with her?

You must love it when he goes out for social events with this sports club!

…and it’s your husbands day too, if you are vetoing his friends, he should be allowed to do the same to yours .. for any reason.

Are you think judgemental about his Male friends, or just her?

If the men on the team (including your husband) didn’t like it, they would ask her to stop.

If you haven’t seen her in 3 years, how do you know she’s “groping” your husband.

TBH, whole thing smacks of misogyny..

And what has your husband to be said about this? You said you didn't want her at the wedding and what - he's pushing you to have her there?

Good for you OP on your honesty and cutting through the bullshit "I'm not inviting Janet because I don't like her and that's the end of it". If people don't like it fuck them.

It's his wedding too. If he wants her there as part of that friendship group I think she should be invited.
He's marrying you, that's what matters. I very much doubt there'll be any arse grabbing of the groom.

Who has been voting that yabu? Yanbu.