Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

The problem is, if the men all laugh it off and maybe make jokes along with how daft their wives are for caring, it might not seem like it to her. I’m not defending her behaviour at all, but why haven’t any of them told her to fuck off? Probably because they all love a little flirt so it blurs the lines if they shrug or laugh it off as ‘silly wives, ignore them’. They all need to collectively tell her to stop and if OPs husband hasn’t done that, he’s a prick.

May I venture a male opinion? If someone did this to me, I would be telling her in no uncertain terms to stop it. It's disrespectful to my wife, and actually to me too as I wouldn't like it either. If she didn't, then I wouldn't be socialising anymore, sports team or no sports team, friend from school or no friend from school.

How would soon to be dh feel if you started randomly grabbing his mates arses and sitting in their laps? Would that be cool. Since this woman is so lovely and a big friend he must think that behaviour is fine right… right?

Doesn't sound like a pick me girl at all. Sounds aggressive and attention seeking and very tiresome and you're not unreasonable to not invite her. Ask your dp if he would be OK with you having a male friend who did this. You know the answer.

If the man that wanted to marry me couldn't prioritise me on our wedding day then I wouldn't be marrying him.

Imagine she comes and starts groping the dad of the bride or groom because she’s had a few too many. Who wants that drama.

Gropes a drunk women’s chap and gets a smack in the middle of the dance floor.

Who wants that drama at their wedding

Sorry handsy Hannah you are not invited unless your dh brings you wearing mittens handcuffed behind your back. Then she’s would probably grind down to grab because it’s just harmless banter hehe 🤭

Bye Hannah.

And do what? Karate chop in between Cool Girl’s hand and the victim’s arse?

I get where your husband is coming from on this if I am honest. It will be him who’s forced out of his hobby for causing awkwardness! It will be him who has to tell people the reason she can’t come - even if they know. So while I agree and wouldn’t want her there you are potentially causing problems for husband within his friend group rather than with her

“I’m not like the other girls—I’m a cool girl—all my best mates are blokes.” Yawn. What you are, is a sex pest.

Its ok not to know the latest slang. A “pick me” girl (or person) acts out in an obvious and sometimes sexualized way to gain attention and approval from males in non romantic (ie inappropriate) settings.

Tricky but just say no. The wives and girlfriends will be relieved and you'll be able to relax and not be on edge. Either that or nominate one of your friends to keep an eye on her.

I would 100% stand firm on this. Tell him you're happy to tell her exactly why she isn't invited if that's what he wants.

I absolutely hate people who behave like that and certainly wouldn't have them at my wedding, upsetting not only me but my guests as well.

She sounds a fucking dumb idiot. Like fuck would I have her at my wedding!

So they all think sexual assault is ok???

Tell him you don’t want a predator at your wedding. He can decide what’s more important to him. Standing up and just saying my wife doesn’t like you. Your behaviour is not appropriate so no you aren’t invited. Or… don’t get married. Simple!

I would be prepared to cancel the wedding for this. Your DH is an arsehole for even entertaining her behaviour. They all probably enjoy the attention and all the wives have been conditioned to stay "cool" and say nothing.

This all sounds horrible

the friend
the sports club
and the relationship between the Op and fiance

“Dave, it’s 2025–8 years after the #MeToo movement. We’re not inviting people to our wedding who do not respect boundaries and will grope other guests as “banter”—too many of the wives have complained over the years, and there’s always a row when Sharon and her fiddly fingers are around. I don’t want the drama at our wedding.”

YANBU at all @BarbourAnne I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic, but I would be cancelling this wedding. I couldn't marry a man who disrespects my wishes so much. This woman is a weirdo, an attention-seeker, and a sex pest. She sounds hideous, and frankly, she sounds like she's a sandwich short of a picnic. You tell your DH she is NOT coming, and if he insists, the wedding is off, because he clearly gives zero fucks for your feelings.

Op does he actually regard her as a friend? You say known since primary. I’m guessing that she’s a friend and not just someone at the club that he feels he should invite but rather he wants to invite.

im not clear?

and why haven't they called her out on it?

Mmm. Good question.

I just wouldn't invite any of the team then. “We are keeping it small, just family.”

Just because wives and girlfriends aren't there, why do the men who are there think it's in any way acceptable and why haven't they called her out on it?

Everyone else on the team will probably be really relieved if they discover she isn't invited, and all their wives and partners will be in awe of you!

If you cave in, I would say to him that she has one single chance - if she starts groping people again, you will ask her to leave immediately.