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Original poster

Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

312 replies

BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 15:15

I’m a bit hormonal at the moment so may well be unreasonable.

DP has a long standing friend (she’s long-term married) who is a typical pick me girl. Does the same male dominate sport, seen as one of the guys so when she grabs an arse it “doesn’t mean anything” and is generally very outgoing and out there.

Truth be told I’ve never liked her, but keep my distance. She’s the sort who will grope a fella, and then when challenged say it doesn’t mean anything but “I’m sorry if I offended you”. As if you’re the one with the problem not her.

Anyway. We’re now trying to organise a wedding and DP wants her to come. I haven’t seen her for 3 years. It is not a case of I don’t know her, so I don’t want her to come. I actively dislike her. I don’t want her feeling up my groom on our wedding day as “banter”.

He is saying all his other sporting mates are coming, and it will look odd if she isn’t invited. Personally I don’t care. Let it look odd. Or tell everyone I don’t like her so don’t want her there. Make me the bad guy, I don’t care. But this is the price she pays for her behaviour.

I would never tell him who he can and can’t be friends with, but I don’t spend time with her, and I don’t take “that’s just the way she is” or “it doesn’t mean anything she’s married” as a reason for her behaviour.

When I am married will it be ok to go and sit on some male friends lap, grab his arse etc? Of course not.

OP posts:
TheMagicDeckchair · 20/06/2025 16:13

Is her husband going to be invited too? Can DH to be have a word with him and ask him to keep her in line?

largeredformeplease · 20/06/2025 16:13

BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 15:41

Judging by the pictures of her and two of the other men on their last social night out she hasn’t . Her behaviour upsets a lot of the other girlfriends and wives as well and I just can do without the drama. Normally wives and girlfriends aren’t there, so we don’t often see it first hand- when we do it usually results in some kind of row

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If there have actually been rows over this then surely this is not an unexpected consequence?

She, and the rest of the team, must have seen it coming? In which case she can hardly be upset about it

CosyNavyLeader · 20/06/2025 16:12

BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:10

40-50. Shes at the upper end, which is why “of course she doesn’t mean anything by it she’s been married for years”

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Jeeeeez. This behaviour from an almost 50 year old?

I genuinely visualised a 20 something year old.

UndermyShoeJoe · 20/06/2025 16:12

I think that actually makes it worse a Handsy Hannah at nearly 50!!

I was thinking some stupid 20ish year old who should know better but is playing the ditsy card still like a high school kid.

godmum56 · 20/06/2025 16:11

BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:06

I think he wants his friends to like me. And by not inviting her they’ll know its come from me. He doesn’t want his mates thinking Im tightly wound. In fact I think most of his friends will be relieved that the risk of drama is averted.

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he wants his friends to like you and this means putting up with Gropey Mc Gropeface? I have no idea how she manages to grope the team's balls as none of them seem to have any.

mrsmiggins78 · 20/06/2025 16:11

Crumbs, not over it by 40-50? Dreadful!

Original poster
BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:10

Twitchitch · 20/06/2025 16:08

How old are you all op?

40-50. Shes at the upper end, which is why “of course she doesn’t mean anything by it she’s been married for years”

OP posts:
Banrockmystation · 20/06/2025 16:10

WildCats24 · 20/06/2025 15:46

“Dave, it’s 2025–8 years after the #MeToo movement. We’re not inviting people to our wedding who do not respect boundaries and will grope other guests as “banter”—too many of the wives have complained over the years, and there’s always a row when Sharon and her fiddly fingers are around. I don’t want the drama at our wedding.”

I really want to use the phrase ‘Sharon and her fiddly fingers’ in everyday conversation 😂

LadyWiddiothethird · 20/06/2025 16:09

Behaviour like that has consequences,one of them being she is not invited to your wedding.

CosyNavyLeader · 20/06/2025 16:08

My advice-

You need to speak to some of the other wives and girlfriends who are attending the wedding who knows what her behaviour is like and what to look out for. You need support in this situation. Ask them what they would do. Their stance would be better than a bunch of strangers on the internet who don't know the context so well.

Secondly, you need to approach this woman beforehand and let her know "you are only invited to this wedding because you are my husbands friend. We are not friends. I do not like you. And if you lay one hand on any male other than your own partner, you will be escorted out from the wedding and a taxi will be arranged to take you home"

Please stand your ground.

Twitchitch · 20/06/2025 16:08

How old are you all op?

FKAT · 20/06/2025 16:07

Don't have anyone at your wedding you don't want. You'll live to regret it. DH was persuaded to include his friend's absolute cunt of a fiance. He was a dick. Didn't ruin the wedding but there is his gurning face in the background of our vows.

Twitchitch · 20/06/2025 16:07

BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:06

I think he wants his friends to like me. And by not inviting her they’ll know its come from me. He doesn’t want his mates thinking Im tightly wound. In fact I think most of his friends will be relieved that the risk of drama is averted.

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And this are grown assed adults

and not pathetic 5 year olds on a play date ?

WildCats24 · 20/06/2025 16:07

Maybe all the WAGs could take turns draping themselves over Handsy Hannah’s DH’s lap all evening—complete with a flick of the hair, an arch of the back, and a tinkly laugh… “You’re just so funny, Steve! I wish my George were as funny as you—you’re the complete package—and such a manly man!”

Ad nauseam. All night.

Original poster
BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:07

TotalLuddite · 20/06/2025 16:03

Maybe the bridesmaids could take her outside and ritually execute her during the speeches? 😀

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Why should my bridesmaids get the fun?

OP posts:
Original poster
BarbourAnne · 20/06/2025 16:06

CheerfulBunny · 20/06/2025 16:04

It's your wedding day and you shouldn't have to have someone there that makes you feels uncomfortable. A reasonable person would accept that, surely.

I think he wants his friends to like me. And by not inviting her they’ll know its come from me. He doesn’t want his mates thinking Im tightly wound. In fact I think most of his friends will be relieved that the risk of drama is averted.

OP posts:
JHound · 20/06/2025 16:06

Nothing you have said suggests she is a Pick Me.
It does suggest she is inappropriate and sexually harasses people.

Twitchitch · 20/06/2025 16:06

godmum56 · 20/06/2025 16:00

why will he be forced out of his hobby? because all the other blokes like being groped?

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And who wants to be involved with a sport club that would kick out someone for not inviting a sex pest

sometimes threads make me SO glad for the life I lead…. This being one. Imagine spatting with your fiancé about inviting his friend the sex pest to your wedding!

Twitchitch · 20/06/2025 16:05

FluentRoseQuail · 20/06/2025 16:00

The problem is, if the men all laugh it off and maybe make jokes along with how daft their wives are for caring, it might not seem like it to her. I’m not defending her behaviour at all, but why haven’t any of them told her to fuck off? Probably because they all love a little flirt so it blurs the lines if they shrug or laugh it off as ‘silly wives, ignore them’. They all need to collectively tell her to stop and if OPs husband hasn’t done that, he’s a prick.

Edited
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Same argument could be said about women who don’t feel comfortable telling a groping man to fuck off and instead grin and clench fists

it doesn’t wash . She will know inappropriate

CheerfulBunny · 20/06/2025 16:04

It's your wedding day and you shouldn't have to have someone there that makes you feels uncomfortable. A reasonable person would accept that, surely.

TotalLuddite · 20/06/2025 16:03

dapsnotplimsolls · 20/06/2025 16:01

Shove her in a handy fountain? Deliver her to the WAG posse?

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Maybe the bridesmaids could take her outside and ritually execute her during the speeches? 😀

pigsDOfly · 20/06/2025 16:03

Madness to excuse it as 'just the way she is'.

So she's allowed to go around sexually assaulting people because it's just the way she is.

Thank god, generally, we no longer accept men grabbing at women as normal because 'that's just the way men are' and boys will be boys.

Why should it be different when it's a woman committing the assault?

I wouldn't want her at my wedding either OP. She sounds awful.

So what if it looks odd if she's left out. She doesn't mind offending people with her inappropriate behaviour so she doesn't deserve that level of consideration.

Would your husband to be want invite a man to his wedding who was highly likely to grope you or your female guests? I somehow doubt it.

mrsmiggins78 · 20/06/2025 16:03

Totally on your side, I think most people know at least one person like this. She will find a way to make your day all about her. Not fair. It's not a sports event, it's your wedding. The 'team' can get stuffed.

dapsnotplimsolls · 20/06/2025 16:01

WildCats24 · 20/06/2025 15:54

And do what? Karate chop in between Cool Girl’s hand and the victim’s arse?

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Shove her in a handy fountain? Deliver her to the WAG posse?

godmum56 · 20/06/2025 16:00

Uptightmum · 20/06/2025 15:54

I get where your husband is coming from on this if I am honest. It will be him who’s forced out of his hobby for causing awkwardness! It will be him who has to tell people the reason she can’t come - even if they know. So while I agree and wouldn’t want her there you are potentially causing problems for husband within his friend group rather than with her

why will he be forced out of his hobby? because all the other blokes like being groped?

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