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Original poster

How to Not Feel Left Out

37 replies

Drummend01 · 20/06/2025 14:59

DP has a young daughter, we’ve been together 2 years. We live separately for now but have plans to move in at the end of the year.

My DP does a great job at keeping me involved, we’ve been on holidays away as a 3, have evening movie nights etc, DSD likes me and asks to see me and wants me to be involved.

But sometimes, like today, I struggle and feel left out. Like they’ve got this bond that I don’t have with them, or with anyone, as I don’t yet have children of my own yet. It’s DSD sports day today and obviously guest numbers are limited so just mum and dad went, DP has been messaging me to say how she’s doing, what event they are on etc and I don’t know why it’s made me feel so left out. I almost don’t want to know which sounds stupid.

My friends also all have children now too, so I think this adds to the left out feeling because our group chats are mostly around parenting/kids and most days our are planned around children (which I enjoy, I love being with their kids), but sometimes it’s a reminder of how different our lives are right now.

Ive had this feeling a few times before and i know it’s unreasonable, does anyone have any advice to move past it?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 20/06/2025 15:21

Frame it another way. You’re seeing it as you being “left out”, but try and look at it as a child having the opportunity to spend time with both of her parents together when she rarely has that opportunity. It’s great that you and her mum’s new partner like DSD, but you don’t always need to be a united front or coming along as a package with your respective one of her parents. Honestly, I’d see being a step parent who gets to spend some fun time with a step-child but doesn’t have to be their parent or trail after them to every hobby, school play, or sports day as a great balance.

Original poster
Drummend01 · 20/06/2025 15:11

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How is that odd. 9 months ago we were 2 months from being together 2 years. Now we’ve been together 2.5 years, so 2 years. I didn’t think I needed to specify the exact months/weeks/days. And she’s actually 8, about to turn 9. Not sure why that matters either. Do you want her birthday and address too?

OP posts:
CloudywMeatballs · 20/06/2025 15:10

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Where did she say the daughter was 3? On another thread?

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:08

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Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:07

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Original poster
Drummend01 · 20/06/2025 15:07

She’s not 3, she’s 8. If his daughter asked me to go, which she often does without prompting or suggestion, then I would go. It’s no different to a friend or auntie going along, it’s important for all of us that we show a united, supportive front for her. That’s something mum, mums partner, dad and I all agree on and work towards.

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 20/06/2025 15:06

These are new feelings for you and you just need to keep acknowledging and processing them, and working hard not to let them sour your relationship.

The parent-child relationship is very powerful and generally always comes first (when it doesn’t come first, something is amiss).

It’s normal to have these emotions, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that at all. Just keep breathing through it, giving yourself the space to let them pass, because your DP’s relationship with his child will always be of great importance.

It’s understandable you’d rather be number one, and would rather he have no kids and start a family with you. That’s only natural. But the choice is - embrace the reality of him and his kid, or find someone else. There’s no shame in not wanting to be a step mum. I wouldn’t have wanted that myself.

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:04

wtf? In your other thread you started today… she is 10!!!

Original poster
Drummend01 · 20/06/2025 15:03

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:00

So you want a child? Or you want to be more involved with your boyfriend’s child? Not clear

We plan to have children together eventually and I’m already involved with my partners child. What I’m trying to ask is how can I put aside my feelings of being left out, I don’t think anyone in my life is doing anything wrong or actually leaving me out, it’s a me issue that I don’t know how to move past

OP posts:
Greyskies92 · 20/06/2025 15:03

If he's continously messaging updates it sounds like he's doing everything he can to involve you and help you feel included.

This is the reality of blended families though, it wouldn't be for me, but some make it work. She will likely have times when she feels left out if you and your partner have a child together

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:02

anyone, as I don’t yet have children of my own yet. It’s DSD sports day today and obviously guest numbers are limited so just mum and dad went,

You would have attended the sports day of your boyfriend’s 3 year old at nursery if numbers had not been limited?

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 15:00

So you want a child? Or you want to be more involved with your boyfriend’s child? Not clear