To be really worried about being single at 35

If you had no kids, I'd worry due to fertility but since you don't want anymore, then I wouldn't worry. I understand that most men want younger women but you don't want to be with those type of men. You need a decent man because you have kids and need to ensure he's a good step father.

Take your time, gain self confidence and don't rush.

You're just having a bad day.

I wasted my entire twenties and early thirties on a controlling, physically and emotionally abusive man.

I thought I was ugly (largely because he told me that over and over) - looking back at photos I really wasn't!

Met current H at 35. Now at 40 look probably better than I did ten years ago (that may be the Mounjaro but also I'm just so much more confident!)

Beauty is inevitably a diminishing currency, it's not that mid thirties are unattractive by any means, but its just not worth holding onto as a core part of your identity.

I don't even think it's the main thing prized by men...Most men partner up with someone with 'girl next door' looks.

Why do people keep banging on about how sooooooooo amazing it is to be single, and how the OP doesn't neeeeeeeed a man to be fulifilled, and she doesn't need to be in a relationship?! She is posting because she is not happy single, and is worried she is losing her looks and may not be attractive to men anymore.

Whilst I doubt that is true, many women feel like the OP as they get older, and people saying 'why so focussed on looks?' and 'you don't need a man!' is not helping the OP at all.

Calorie control - no more than 1250 a day abd structured exercise eg gym/swiimming/running - walking alone not really vigorous enough

You are not old!! I am 48 and I am old!!! (I am sure my 75 year old mum would tell me I am not and she is!)

There are plenty of fish in the sea whatever your age. If you want a relationship then you can find one. If you want a GOOD relationship they are harder but still possible. I am getting married (2nd time lucky I hope) next year to an old man (49) who thinks I am beautiful despite my grey hair, plumpness and wrinkles!

I remember being 35 and thinking that I would lose my looks by 40. I was looking forward to less male attention. Now I'm 40 and I seem to have become more attractive not less. As PPs have said, exercise, better self-care, diet, clothes and hairstyle can all mean that it's easy to look and feel better now than in your 20s anyway.

as a friend used to always say to me - better single than with the wrong person

many, many people you see in couples are with someone who they don't really love or who makes them unhappy.

You are free to meet the right person at any moment

I’m getting divorced at 47, definitely feeling a bit old but have the advantage of not giving a flying fuck and happily single.

Old does not equate to ugly but it's easy to see it that way when you take into account society's borderline pedophilic beauty standards.

I understand as I was single at 35 too but I think this reply has nailed it.

I thought you were going to be worried about being single at 35 because of fertility.
But because of "losing your looks"??
Do you really want a partner who's that shallow?

How did you achieve that?

Im 38 ive been single for years and love it.
No plans to change it either.
I still have fun ons only.

I’m 48 and feel more attractive now than I did in my twenties. Maturity has given me more confidence.

Stop focussing so much on your looks and think about doing some things that you’ll enjoy. Life is not all about your appearance.

Potentially controversial- where you live can affect how old you feel at 35? Like, 35 feels totally different in the rural sticks compared to LDN for example? The dating scene is super lively in big cities in your mid 30s and can be loads of fun! It’s all a mindset x

I was single at 35 married and ttc first child at 38

There's nothing wrong with being single, OP. Yes, you will suffer discrimination for being single, and it will cost more to live, but the independence and freedom is priceless.

You're not "old" at 35! Why is this mentality so common on Mumsnet?

I'm 41 and in the best shape of my life, full of energy, still have my looks, and feel in my prime!

You need to change your mindset and, I assume, indulge in some pampering and self care.

Pure calorie counting and exercise ! To diet successfully I needed to adhere to

1250 cals a day max and do at least 25 mins fairly vigorous cardio a day - ie not walking has to be gym /jog at least or even a 1hr exercise class

No loose skin!

I’m 40 and feel neither old nor unattractive.

🤯

How? Diet, surgery, something else? Loose skin? Tell me more. I’m 55 and could do with losing that amount.

OP, you are definitely having a bad day. It’s hot, you’ve probably not been sleeping very well, am I right? You’re 35, all the best years are still ahead of you. Look after yourself physically, body, clothes etc, but also mentally, do things you like, find things to get excited by, don’t feel or act like you’re in a slump because you’re not. Better things are coming!

Your issue seems to be that your self worth and 'value' as a partner is tied entirely to your youth /looks. No one is immune from changing as they age. Confidence and a good outlook on life and taking care of yourself matter far more. Youth and looks aren't something you 'give' to someone in exchange for love/ relationship.