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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really worried about being single at 35

110 replies

Groolish · 20/06/2025 11:24

Just that really, what if I have lost my looks?

I was so pretty in my 20’s and early thirties and I feel so rubbish that my ex had all my best years and now I might end up single forever. Am I just having a bad day?

OP posts:
cupfinalchaos · 21/06/2025 11:41

Op I had two young children and met dh at 38. If you don’t meet anyone it won’t be because of your age. So many single people your age.

MascaraGirl · 21/06/2025 11:25

A touch of facial self tan plus a few highlights in your hair can make a huge difference

Berlinlover · 21/06/2025 11:01

If it’s any consolation I didn’t lose my looks until I was 47 and on chemotherapy.

Original poster
Groolish · 21/06/2025 10:59

Can Botox and fillers help?

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 21/06/2025 08:51

For me beauty is found within.

I hope you are not passing ugly values like shallowness and ageism on to your children.

Onelifeonly · 21/06/2025 08:47

Itsbetterbythebeach · 21/06/2025 00:04

I was single at 35 & very comfortable with my life. Out of the blue got an email from an American who had been my US counterpart in the company I left 3 years before. He was going to be visiting London that weekend , would I like to meet up? Started dating London/Boston. Flew every other week out on a Friday night back on a Monday. 3 months later we were engaged. 3 months after that we were married. Everyone said I was crazy. Way too rushed. I said what have I got to lose. If it doesn’t work out I know I can be happy & have a good life by myself. If I don’t try I’ll always wonder what I might have missed. 21 years later still happily married to the kindest man I’ve ever met. After we got married he confessed that there had been no reason for him to come to London. He’d never forgotten me from when we worked together & had decided to see if I was still single (I still get a little glow when I think of him doing this). It wasn’t my looks that had made him remember me (I’m perfectly pleasant looking but not drop dead gorgeous) & we’d only met in person once at a training course in Glasgow.It was my personality, confidence & contentment that attracted him.
Don’t let life pass you by waiting for everything to be perfect & ideal. You need to believe in your own worth & that you can live a wonderful life all by yourself.Then you can have the confidence to say “what the hell. Let’s give it a try”

How lovely, glad it all worked out.

MascaraGirl · 21/06/2025 08:47

BatchCookBabe · 20/06/2025 12:59

Why do people keep banging on about how sooooooooo amazing it is to be single, and how the OP doesn't neeeeeeeed a man to be fulifilled, and she doesn't need to be in a relationship?! She is posting because she is not happy single, and is worried she is losing her looks and may not be attractive to men anymore.

Whilst I doubt that is true, many women feel like the OP as they get older, and people saying 'why so focussed on looks?' and 'you don't need a man!' is not helping the OP at all.

It is quite normal to want a partner. Not everyone wants one, but a lot of people do

Onelifeonly · 21/06/2025 08:42

You're not old. Looks don't fade overnight. Most woman have never been very pretty, but most have also had / have partners. A relationship is about more than looks. And most of all, self-pity is very unattractive - love yourself and someone will love you.

BiscuitBotherer · 21/06/2025 08:39

Rage bait. Adorable.

KPPlumbing · 21/06/2025 08:19

ThymeSageRosemary · 20/06/2025 12:53

I remember being 35 and thinking that I would lose my looks by 40. I was looking forward to less male attention. Now I'm 40 and I seem to have become more attractive not less. As PPs have said, exercise, better self-care, diet, clothes and hairstyle can all mean that it's easy to look and feel better now than in your 20s anyway.

I feel the 'hottest' I have at 40 too. I'm sure I was prettier at 20, because I had that youthful plump skin. But I feel I exude a confidence and sexiness now that I didn't then, and it's clear I've really taken care of my body, skin and hair.

DrCoconut · 21/06/2025 00:38

katmunchkin · 20/06/2025 11:37

Try being 39 and in this situation 🤣

I would almost sell a bodily part to be 39 again.

Dillydollydingdong · 21/06/2025 00:25

All these old people! I'm 73 and still waiting to feel old!

Shenmen · 21/06/2025 00:06

I'm fifty, a bit chunky but still pretty sexy as I like sex 😁

Itsbetterbythebeach · 21/06/2025 00:04

I was single at 35 & very comfortable with my life. Out of the blue got an email from an American who had been my US counterpart in the company I left 3 years before. He was going to be visiting London that weekend , would I like to meet up? Started dating London/Boston. Flew every other week out on a Friday night back on a Monday. 3 months later we were engaged. 3 months after that we were married. Everyone said I was crazy. Way too rushed. I said what have I got to lose. If it doesn’t work out I know I can be happy & have a good life by myself. If I don’t try I’ll always wonder what I might have missed. 21 years later still happily married to the kindest man I’ve ever met. After we got married he confessed that there had been no reason for him to come to London. He’d never forgotten me from when we worked together & had decided to see if I was still single (I still get a little glow when I think of him doing this). It wasn’t my looks that had made him remember me (I’m perfectly pleasant looking but not drop dead gorgeous) & we’d only met in person once at a training course in Glasgow.It was my personality, confidence & contentment that attracted him.
Don’t let life pass you by waiting for everything to be perfect & ideal. You need to believe in your own worth & that you can live a wonderful life all by yourself.Then you can have the confidence to say “what the hell. Let’s give it a try”

YinYangalang · 20/06/2025 23:52

Old ugly people do have relationship successes too.

Why regret a relationship and a big part of your life based on your perceived diminishing looks?

BatchCookBabe · 20/06/2025 23:45

Groolish · 20/06/2025 16:47

So you don’t agree that women lose their looks?

Women lose their youth/youthful looks obvs! But many look just as pretty and attractive in their 40s, 50s, 60s etc as they did in their youth/20s/30s.

Also women don't lose their looks any more than men. It's a myth that men age better than women. No they don't LOL. Men get older and look older, and get dry skin and wrinkles, and beer bellies, and flabby arms and legs, and they go bald, etc...

I know more women who have stayed attractive as they have aged - than men who have!

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 20/06/2025 22:09

TheaBrandt1 · 20/06/2025 19:56

My friends sister was single at 35 then she met a man and quickly got married and had a baby. Then twins. Be careful what you wish for I guess she now has 3 under 3!

The OP already has children and said she doesn’t want any more.

FlorbelaEspanca · 20/06/2025 22:08

'My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun / Coral is far more red than her lips' red...
And yet by Heaven I think my love as rare / As any she belied with false compare'

I think Shakespeare nails it here. Mere perfection of form might as well be made of alabaster. Real beauty is living, moving flesh and blood; a rumbustious love of life. We have all known people of all ages who have that. I'm sure you have it.

TheaBrandt1 · 20/06/2025 19:56

My friends sister was single at 35 then she met a man and quickly got married and had a baby. Then twins. Be careful what you wish for I guess she now has 3 under 3!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 20/06/2025 19:54

cranberryshortcake · 20/06/2025 19:48

Do you want children?
if you want children then YANBU to want to find a partner. Don’t worry that you’re too old, that’s definitely not true and you don’t need to be a supermodel!

But if you want kids you should get out to do lots of different activities so you can meet potential new partners and might find the one.

I don’t think it’s talked about while you’re young (or maybe I am in a bubble) but then eventually if you want kids you clearly need to be in a position to make that happen while you’re still fertile.

Edited

They already have children.

Original poster
Groolish · 20/06/2025 19:49

I was happy with my looks a few months ago so surely now much has changed? Just just be the way I am feeling

OP posts:
cranberryshortcake · 20/06/2025 19:48

Do you want children?
if you want children then YANBU to want to find a partner. Don’t worry that you’re too old, that’s definitely not true and you don’t need to be a supermodel!

But if you want kids you should get out to do lots of different activities so you can meet potential new partners and might find the one.

I don’t think it’s talked about while you’re young (or maybe I am in a bubble) but then eventually if you want kids you clearly need to be in a position to make that happen while you’re still fertile.

Original poster
Groolish · 20/06/2025 19:47

Maybe I’m just a bit down in the dumps.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 20/06/2025 19:27

Groolish · 20/06/2025 19:11

I don’t think is so much that I want to find somebody as I don’t think I am quite ready yet, I’m just worried that when I am ready I won’t find it because nobody will find me attractive.

There's much more than physical looks to being attractive to men.

Original poster
Groolish · 20/06/2025 19:11

I don’t think is so much that I want to find somebody as I don’t think I am quite ready yet, I’m just worried that when I am ready I won’t find it because nobody will find me attractive.

OP posts:
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