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Feeling humiliated after resigning

143 replies

Happyfeet82 · 19/06/2025 21:54

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

I recently handed in my notice after just three weeks in a new job. The environment was toxic and it was affecting my mental health — I knew pretty quickly that it wasn’t the right fit. I’m now working a one-week notice period.
Today, there was a team meeting I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. I later caught up via the recording, and some of the comments made about me by the Managing Director were really disheartening.

She said I “lack motivation” because I live at home and told my colleauges that I said “I don’t need to work.” I want to be clear: I never said I don’t need to work. What I did say was that I’m in a fortunate position right now, living at home, which allows me to make the right decision for myself. I’m actively looking for a new full-time role and already have interviews lined up.

The part that really stuck with me was when she said, “If I were her parent, I’d be disappointed.” I found that comment deeply inappropriate and unnecessarily personal.

I’ve drafted an email addressing this, stating that I heard what was said and, in light of it, I don’t believe it’s in either of our best interests for me to work the remainder of my notice. But I’m torn between sending it or just finishing the week quietly and walking away with dignity.

Thoughts? I feel so angry.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 20/06/2025 08:45

zzplec · 19/06/2025 22:15

If it were me, I'd choose the passive aggressive route.

Is there a link to a meeting chat or email? Send a message:

"Hi all,

I just want to clarify some comments made about me in the team meeting. It isn't the case that I "don't need to work", it's that I'm fortunate to be financially secure enough to choose not to tolerate working in a toxic environment.

I hope that clears up the matter. Wishing you all well for the future."

Then go into the office looking demob happy and beaming with delight that you're leaving.

I like this. I would add “the personal and deeply unprofessional comments made in this meeting only serve to illustrate my point”.

Flyswats · 20/06/2025 08:44

Work your notice, get over it. It's minor, it's his own sour grapes / embarrassment at your having left them so soon - it won't reflect well on him. Just ignore it and keep moving in the right direction. You don't need to kick up a pile of crap on your way out.

cigarsmokingwoman · 20/06/2025 08:44

no one seems to have mentioned age discrimination, especially if the MD is old enough to be your parent.
Can you save the recording? Please do so! And submit a complaint of age discrimination to their boss if you can. Even the threat you could take them to tribunal could be enough to get an apology (and I would take it further if I were you, especially if you can save the recording or re-record it on your phone or something).

cryptide · 20/06/2025 08:40

Don't use this as an excuse not to work the rest of your notice. It'll only. be viewed as vindicating what the manager said.

godmum56 · 20/06/2025 08:35

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/06/2025 08:18

I don't disagree with the sentiment and this manager has been incredibly unprofessional in her behaviour but surely you realise most people have to "sacrifice their mental health [to some extend] for a wage". We can't all live off other people or fresh air.

Are you raising your kids to think they can walk out of any job they don't like?

Well yes provided that, as the OP has, there are interviews lined up and a plan to move forward......orcare you one of the resilience crowd? I don't think you are tight about most people sacrificing mental health for a job. There may be bits of it they don't like but that is not the same thing.

godmum56 · 20/06/2025 08:32

BigDeepBreaths · 19/06/2025 22:13

You have said yourself you found her comment deeply personal. You are having a strong emotional reaction (quite rightly, she sounds like a right piece of work) so give yourself a bit of time before deciding what to do ie: sleep on it and think what you would want to achieve and what might likely be achieved by reporting it.

Is it a decent sized company with HR where there is half a chance an independent mind will review your complaint. Then you might think its the right thing to do.

Or is it a small company, no HR and they all either have each other backs or are all atabbing one another in the back? If this, dont bother, keep head down for a week, take their money and move on.

This...although I'd probably send back a comment saying you note that your opinion of your manager is confirmed by her own behaviour!

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/06/2025 08:18

AuntMarch · 19/06/2025 22:00

My mum was the one who told me I shouldn't stay in a job that was making me miserable - how sad for that person's children if they have any that they would prefer them to sacrifice their mental health for a wage!

I don't disagree with the sentiment and this manager has been incredibly unprofessional in her behaviour but surely you realise most people have to "sacrifice their mental health [to some extend] for a wage". We can't all live off other people or fresh air.

Are you raising your kids to think they can walk out of any job they don't like?

sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway · 20/06/2025 08:17

I'd put a complaint in and state to HR that's exactly the reason that you are leaving so early into your contract - I would then submit a sick note to cover your notice period stating work related stress and don't look back

RareGoalsVerge · 20/06/2025 07:47

You don't need to care what these people think of you. Stop giving them headspace. All the reasons why you resigned are also reasons why you don't need and will never get their good opinion. Get yourself gone, wipe their dust from your feet and leave them to it. Their lies about you don't affect you.

TreatTreat · 20/06/2025 07:42

I'd raise a grievance, OP. It'd hopefully stop this bully shooting her mouth off in the future. She's said some very personal comments, none of which are relevant to work or are any of her business.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/06/2025 07:39

AdoraBell · 19/06/2025 22:21

YANBU, I second sending the video/recording to the top boss.

…..Who will have a laugh and think ‘ dodged a bullet with this one’.

is this your first job?

Booboobagins · 20/06/2025 07:35

You've clearly made the right decision.

Is there a group email address to everyone?

If so I'd write to that and say 'Thanks for everyone's help whilst Ive been here.

Having listened to the MDs inappropriate comments about me at the team meeting, I felt it important to clarify why I decided to leave.

I find the work place toxic. The MDs behaviour underlines this.'

What can they do? Sack you? Keep a recording of the team meeting.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/06/2025 07:35

Oollliivviiaa · 20/06/2025 06:01

OP just to say, if you were my child, I wouldnt be disappointed by you in this situation. Id be pleased that you recognised you had a choice and took action to protect yourself.

💯 me too.

Pizza4Tea · 20/06/2025 06:55

Record the recording on a different device. They can conveniently delete their recording. Make a complaint and attach your recording of them talking about you in a disrespectful and unprofessional way. Sounds like you made the right decision to leave.

Viviennemary · 20/06/2025 06:54

zzplec · 19/06/2025 22:15

If it were me, I'd choose the passive aggressive route.

Is there a link to a meeting chat or email? Send a message:

"Hi all,

I just want to clarify some comments made about me in the team meeting. It isn't the case that I "don't need to work", it's that I'm fortunate to be financially secure enough to choose not to tolerate working in a toxic environment.

I hope that clears up the matter. Wishing you all well for the future."

Then go into the office looking demob happy and beaming with delight that you're leaving.

I would absolutely not send such an email. You've made your point and resigned.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/06/2025 06:43

Look, you will be gone 30 June no need to expend energy and have a fraught 10 day
Send email to colleagues saying goodbye , factually correct the errors. You don’t need to be sassy or sarky. Factually correct and composed that’s all is required
Then sashay yourself out that door

Oollliivviiaa · 20/06/2025 06:01

OP just to say, if you were my child, I wouldnt be disappointed by you in this situation. Id be pleased that you recognised you had a choice and took action to protect yourself.

Zanatdy · 20/06/2025 05:58

That’s shocking. I’m glad to see you sent the email. As someone else said, if they don’t pay you for the final week then ring ACAS. If i was your mother, i’d be really proud of you.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 20/06/2025 04:54

zzplec · 19/06/2025 22:15

If it were me, I'd choose the passive aggressive route.

Is there a link to a meeting chat or email? Send a message:

"Hi all,

I just want to clarify some comments made about me in the team meeting. It isn't the case that I "don't need to work", it's that I'm fortunate to be financially secure enough to choose not to tolerate working in a toxic environment.

I hope that clears up the matter. Wishing you all well for the future."

Then go into the office looking demob happy and beaming with delight that you're leaving.

Love this. Would also follow up with an HR email

passthebiscuittins · 20/06/2025 04:05

I would send the video to HR and detail your concerns. The manager was being completely unprofessional. No wonder you feel it’s a toxic environment.

MsAmerica · 20/06/2025 03:50

It doesn't seem to me that "dignity" is a matter of whether or not you're silent. The issue would be connected to what's in the email. In fact, if you're after dignity, a letter would be more dignified than an email.

Seems to me it's perfectly possible to be totally dignified in a letter composed in a way that would make the other people feeling humiliated.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/06/2025 02:35

Make sure you add that they're unprofessional and toxic in your email.
Good luck with your new job. It'll come.

GarlicMile · 20/06/2025 02:04

Motheroffive999 · 19/06/2025 23:02

Send the email and don't go back

Agree.

For the 'end of June' worriers: 30th June is a Monday, so OP will be finishing on the 27th which is 7 days from tomorrow (or maybe the 25th/26th, which still counts as the end!)

I wouldn't bother wasting your energy on them, @Happyfeet82. But would definitely send the complaint.

TrousersOfTime · 20/06/2025 00:37

OP, if they try to wriggle out of paying your notice or make you work it, tell them you'll take them to tribunal for age-related harassment. They wouldn't have made those comments about an older worker! You don't have to follow through, but it is free to put in a claim.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 20/06/2025 00:31

Happyfeet82 · 19/06/2025 22:00

For context, my notice period is until 30th June

OP let it go. Don’t waste energy and time since you are moving on anyway. Why make it worse for yourself and get into a battle?

You can write it and then they say no work your notice period and you leave and technically you are breaking your contract and they can threaten legal action…