Feeling humiliated after resigning

@Soal

I understand what you're saying and I agree it takes balls to call out a toxic work environment (which this definitely is).

This manager was bang out of order but part of becoming an independent adult is learning how to negotiate these situations in a way which doesn't jeopardise your own future. It's OK to not tolerate workplace bullying but its also not great to internalise the idea that work has to make you happy all the time.

It was just that earlier comment about "sacrificing your mental health for a wage" which I thought was a bit naive. It implied that there was something noble about cutting and running when you hit the first roadblock and that working for a living was a soul-selling activity which is beneath people. The reality is that the vast majority of people have to work for a wage.

There is a problem with younger people and resilience at the moment. I don't think that means they have to tolerate shit behaviour at work, but I do think they need to learn that workplaces won't all be kind, inclusive and tolerant environments and they need to develop the tools to work around this.

It's only libel if it's not true, and what this person said is right there on video.

@Happyfeet82 the way they have behaved making such comments shows the kind of place it is and you’re right to get out. Makes you want to say “listening back to the recording, I couldn’t help notice how you made personal comments, some of which are untrue, about why I’m leaving. This was upsetting to hear, especislly as I was not there to defend myself. However, while I was feeling some regret about leaving, your behaviour has confirmed it’s the right decision”.

It is upsetting, but looks like it’s them, not you. Good luck OP.

Send the email and copy in their line manger and higher up. Fuck them.

I think it's really low of a senior person to take a cheap shot at a young person like that. Try not to let it knock your confidence - there are better places to work. You'll find the right one in time.

And this is why you are leaving. It's only a week so I'd just style it out and definitely contact HR/whoever is in charge.

I also left a new job after about a month. I'd had the flu so had a few days off (there was no way at all I'd have been able to work). I dragged myself back in, still feeling really shitty, only to be given a lecture by my manager about taking unnecessary time off. There was no concern about how I was feeling. I left a week later. Losers.

Hope you find a new job soon. Good luck!

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on!
Thank god you don't have her as a parent. And that you do have a nice family that support you in not staying in the wrong job.
I'd just work out the week and go.

I completely agree.

If @SunnySideDeepDown has children, I feel sorry for them.

They CAN walk out of any job they don't like! If they can handle the consequences.

It defiantly confirms that leaving was the right decision. What weird comments to make about someone you’ve only met. What people choose to say reflects on them more than the person they’re talking about.

I was in a similar position to you last year, working for a small and very toxic company. I knew from day one it was not a nice environment at all.

I handed in my notice after around 8 weeks and the director sent a nasty email around about me while I was still there! I didn't even have an actual notice period (they "didn't do" employment contracts) so I just didn't go back.

You definitely won't regret this!

I would be happy my child has the initiative to say no to being treated like shit and not sit there and take it if they don't need to.

Financial security (in the form she describes) is not the reason she's quit the job, it's what has enabled her to do so. Maybe try reading posts over again if you're tired or having comprehension problems.

I don't think it shows a lack of resilience, it shows she can find something better. Employers are not gods, many of them are utterly terrible, and so are many jobs. Baa-ing along with it like a sheep when you know you'll be out there first chance you get is a waste of everyone's time if it's not necessary. There's no grit to be shown in that.

I would want that person to look me in the eye when I told them that I had heard what was said. As for working your notice, it would be very professional of you to do so but I wouldn't bother if you don't feel like it.

I’d definitely send it to HR and / or whomever this woman reports to, stressing how unprofessional this was of her but also addressing the reasons why you’re leaving after such a short period; this does not reflect well on their workplace at all.

and also - good luck finding your next role. I hope it’s much more beneficial to your needs 🙂

Definitely send it. It's appalling management to slag off a staff member to their colleagues, and the fact that they said it in a meeting that you'd be able to see shows the manager is a fucking idiot.

Well her comments sound like evidence of the type of toxicity you want to avoid. IME small and pockets of large companies will be toxic if people are unprofessional in this way. You are fortunate
to have a safety net.

Lastly, resilience is knowing when to stay... and also knowing when to walk. I didn’t “run away.” I saw the red flags early, gave it my best shot, and left before it caused more harm. That’s not a lack of resilience. I know what I'm worth and its not that company so I'm moving onto find better.

OP, just wanted to say you sound amazing; you really have your head screwed on right. If I were your parent, I’d be very proud of you. (Edited to add: and myself, actually, for raising such a level-headed and confident-in-themselves child!)

Do not email the other employees! Jesus. Opening yourself up to libel action. Don’t give a fuck what anyone there thinks. Just move on with your life.

If you don’t work your notice, they aren’t going to take legal action.

1. they’re a 5 person company. They haven’t got a lawyer nor the funds to pursue you.

2. they’re would have to sue for a) damages or b) specific performance. They won’t get b, and they can’t quantify a.

Nobody, no matter how toxic, is going to pursue a 3 week employee for the sake of a 5 BD notice period!

The absolute worst that will happen is the MD will say “ha! Told you she was unprofessional!”, and so what? Would you care what a crackhead on the street said about you? No. Plough your headspace into finding a new job and fuck this lot.

If you have the energy OP I would make an official complaint to HR, copy her manager in and then make it clear that this is a good example of why you are leaving so soon because of the clearly toxic environment in this team.

I would also email each member of your team to say that you have now lodged an official complaint after comments were made about you in the team meeting that did not reflect the reasons of your departure and put the record straight.

As you only stayed 3 weeks, you don't need a reference from them and can leave them out of your CV so I would not hesitate to do that in your situation.

Bullies like this need to be challenged.

Could be dickish, but whenever I’ve turned down a job, they usually sent a “withdrawn” letter following it. Maybe something legal?

Absolutely do NOT do this. Telling others (who you barely know and who barely know you) that they work in a toxic environment and then behaving smugly about leaving is a nasty ass thing to do. Each to their own.

Leave with dignity. Don’t sink to the MD’s level; do your time and say goodbye, wishing everyone well.

OP isn’t financially secure - her parents are. Every child is “financially secure” in that case.

It’s right that she leaves a toxic environment, but going around telling people she’s financially secure isn’t accurate is it. She probably is actually not very secure at all, having no home of her own and no job. It’s not a reason to quit a job!

And if my child quit after 3 weeks, I would be disappointed. 3 months, certainly. But you can’t fully understand the lay of the land after 15 working days. Maybe it’s a very busy time for the business, the boss is particularly stressed, maybe it takes time to settle and gain respect in the team. Quitting after 3 weeks shows a real lack of resilience and she surely can’t be surprised that her colleagues have found this (although shouldn’t have recorded the conversation)

Are you expecting them to pay your notice period (that you’re not working) or are you referring to the three weeks you worked? They legally have to pay you for the three weeks.

I think you’ve actually been a bit over sensitive here. The first three weeks of most jobs is spent training and learning the ropes. You’ve likely added no benefit to the company so far and have taken resources in people’s time and employment costs. Of course your resignation was frustrating for them. She was unprofessional, yes, but you’ve just run away from the situation without taking any accountability or responsibility for how this affects them.

I get it wasn’t a good fit, but sometimes in life you have to suck stuff up. Why were you spending time watching a meeting in your notice period? Couldn’t you have just worked another week, adding as much value as possible, and left on a good note? Resilience OP - it will go a long way in your life.