Unsure about what to do with long term boyfriend

He just doesn’t want to marry you, simple as that. Not a big surprise at his age.
You’re already having doubts and feeling attracted to other people, I think it’s probably time to call it a day.

What's so terrible about getting married at 23, I got married at 22 and my bf was 24, still together too many years ago to think about. They've been together four years if he doesn't know now he never will. Either you or he will find someone new and more exciting and it will be over. I would say move on now if it's not going anywhere after four years.

Well stop trying to convince him then and leave. He's twenty three years of age and you want different things. End of story.

I understand it’s tricky when you’re of an age where you’re ready to start thinking about such things, and have a time limit on having babies if you want them, when he is that bit younger and has no such time limit. I think you need to communicate with your boyfriend. He’s said he does want to get married, just not yet. Does he recognise why the situation is a bit different for you? Obviously you shouldn’t try to pressure him into marriage, but after 4 years and at 23 it’s not unreasonable to want to discuss when it might be happening, or even when it might be appropriate to be having a more detailed discussion about it. I understand being wary of being strung along if he won’t entertain the discussion.

I’d advise against considering anything with the co worker at all. He’s nothing to do with the situation with your boyfriend, they are two totally separate issues. Personally I’d immediately rule out anyone who would pursue you knowing you are in a relationship. I’d assume someone who would do that would also probably cheat.

Focus on your relationship with your boyfriend and what’s going on between you. Don’t let this important decision be swayed by the unknown possibility of someone you barely know. I promise there will be plenty of random co workers for you to flirt with if you break up with your boyfriend. Just don’t make that decision based on this one person who’s showing you a bit of attention now.

The fact that you are even entertaining this co-worker makes it obvious that you yourself are not ready to settle down with your boyfriend.

He is absolutely right not to have a plan at 23. He is not even properly out of puberty yet!! Think about that. Puberty.

I think your answer is clear in the fact that you’re even contemplating pursuing your coworker? This should be a wake up call. You aren’t committed to your current relationship, irrespective of whether your partner is.

He is FAR too young to know WHAT he wants in the future. If you at 27 are ready to settle down you need to leave and find a partner at the same life stage as you. That said, if you are already thinking about other possibilities this is not the right relationship anyway. Move on

How would you feel if he met a flirty coworker and thought I told my GF I didn't want to marry until 30. Should I see if it goes further with the coworker if GF won't wait

You're both so young. What's the hurry? Relax. The time isn't wasted if you're enjoying yourselves. You may end up together, you may not. Who knows? The time to start worrying is in about ten years time.

So - you are hedging your bets - keeping this fantasy romance with a co-worker on the bubble in case your bf does not come up with the marriage goods?

Your bf is 23 - 23!!! He is right to be wary of settling down so young.

And your whole attitude to all this shows you are not mature enough to enter into a life commitment.

I feel a bit sorry for both these young men.

YABVU
He's 23 FFS. I would be worried about any 23 year old having a plan about marriage

If you're ready to settle down, you leave and find someone who is ready to commit

Well firstly, just because you've been together for 4 years already it doesn't mean you are going to be together forever.

Secondly, if you're thinking about your co-worker then you're not entirely happy in this current relationship.

Thirdly, why are you dating a child? I think you're expecting too much from someone so young.

I was about to post “who on earth knows who they want to marry at 23?!? That’s still a virtual infant! You haven’t even developed your full adult personality yet” But then I remembered my parents were 23 when they got married and have been very happily married for over 50 years.

But it was a different world then. I think you are expecting too much from someone too young.

Late 20s… it’s normal to want to make plans to settle down at that age, especially as a woman.

He has already told you he said he doesnt want to get married before 30

He isn't giving you a plan as he knows you won't like it.

You’re in your 20s slow down

He’s 23 - he has no idea what he wants out of his life. You are not on the same path - move on.

I think you want to explore things with your colleague, but want to make it about your current boyfriends lack of commitment.

Well clearly you dont love him. So sounds smart that he isnt planning ahead.

Plus he is 23!

So?