Unsure about what to do with long term boyfriend

It doesn't sound like you want the same things. He is being clear to you and you are trying to change him. Is this really the relationship for you?

I got divorced whilst recovering from a MC when I was 23!

If I was you I would focus on my career and financial independence for a bit. Take the heat out the relationship for a while, focus on you rather than him and see how you feel in 6 months. 23 is too young nowadays for marriage planning.

He's still very young, as are you but woman mature earlier

Do you live together? How's that going?

How do you spend your time together? Are you still going out lots and socializing or do you stay home all the time with the TV?

I'm older than my DH. I was later 20s/early 30s when we got together. I didn't want children. He's 7 years younger.

Conversation we had was at some point he would want children. If that wasn't in my future then at some point we would go out separate ways. Clear boundaries.

You need to decide yours, communicate them without drama or threats.

OP you are going to have to make the decision here.
It's clear that your BF is not ready right now to get married. In 5 years time he could be the same.
He might never be ready to get married.

I was 29/ 30 when I had been going out with my BF (27) for 2 yrs. I was really clear that if we didn't move in together, we should break up. We moved in together a few months later.

When I was 32, I said if we wanted to have DC we would probably need to do it soon. He proposed 2 weeks later. Married the following year.

Some men just need the facts laid bare to them. You are older than him. He is so young. You need to give yourself a deadline and if there is no positive momentum in your relationship, you need to walk away as you are not getting what you need

He sees you as for now, not forever.

He is not going to commit to you or he would have done it by now.

Look up the scientific papers and show him the chance of conception at 39/40 and early 30s....the facts are there!!

There ARE people who have kids into their mid 40s but these are in the minority...

If kids are really important to you....

But he is ONLY 23!!

I’m sorry, OP, but his hesitation is a bad sign. If he was 100% sure that he wanted to marry you, he wouldn’t be saying that he wants to wait seven years.

I’d move on now and find someone who shares your life goals.

He’s 23, OP. His brain hasn’t stopped maturing. He’s been with you almost his entire adult life. He isn’t ready for the commitment you want and if he gave it you’d be a fool to rely on it. If you want marriage now or the certainty of marriage you need to break up with him and look for men who are at that life stage.

Is this another AI? Getting fed up of these posts

@MansfieldParkThis is terrible advice for someone who wants kids, 39 is getting on towards the end of a woman’s child bearing years and many won’t be able to conceive at that age. You can still travel and experience things while married, it’s not a jail sentence.

FFS. 23 is not a “child” or “still in puberty”, he’s been an adult for 5 years! At that age I had a responsible job and was living with someone (also 23) who had made it clear he wanted to marry me in a few years. Though that relationship didn’t work out, I ended up marrying someone else at 29.
Not everyone spends their 20s wafting around not knowing what they want out of life and if you want kids then 27 is the right time to be thinking ahead to that, especially if you want more than one. You might have to go for someone older though, as your BF doesn’t sound like he’s serious or ready for commitment.

Must be a(nother) crap fake post - they are doing my head in now

I think the age difference between you is too much for what you are wanting, because as you say he might not be ready before you might struggle to have children. And if you are this interested in your coworker, it means you aren't properly invested with your partner. Might be more suited to find a partner your own age or older.

Are you on glue? He’s 23! When I was 23, my main preoccupations were travelling and experiencing as many different things as I could. I had zero interest in marrying anyone. Why on earth would you want to foreclose so many of life’s opportunities? I married when I was 39.

I wouldn't bring it up again until he's 25. He's too young to know. You're young enough that it shouldn't be an issue. Asking a 23 yesr old for a timescale is madness.

speaking From experience I once emotionally cheated on my partner. It was at a Xmas party. My partner was actually there but too intoxicated to appreciate what was going on. A colleague (ex friend) told them the next day and you will not be surprised to learn they were very upset. We had a huge row about it and it made things quite rocky for about 6 months. I think I would have thought twice if I knew it would have that effect as you never know where these things go. In some ways my partner was somewhat vindicated as 3 weeks after the party we slept together so just be careful what you wish for.
I suppose all things work out in the end

I think you need to decide what you want. If you have been very clear about wanting to marry and he is being iffy....then you may not be compatible. I would have thought after 4 years he'd know whether he wanted to marry you or not.
FWIW I got together, married and had 2 children in the first 4 years of my relationship - we were a bit older and both knew what we wanted and got on with it.
Please don't let him muck you about and risk particularly your fertility.....

Have you decided what school your kids will be going to? And do you have a good pension / retirement plan?

i think you might be using the him not being ready to plan marriage as an excuse tbh. It makes him the problem when I think actually, you want to explore other people and might be out growing the relationship.

He’s said 30. That’s a perfectly standard answer. I understand why you would want to marry sooner or know it’s coming but in most relationships there are no guarantees anyway so I think that’s a red herring and you actually don’t want this anymore. Especially if this is for another 7 years as status quo.