Unsure about what to do with long term boyfriend

Met my now DH when he was just 24 (I was 25). He was very clear he wanted marriage and babies from early on and that I was “the one” (though we had less time pressure than you obviously ). I don’t think him being 23 means he wouldn’t be sure of his future intentions with you. Also he should respect he needs to meet you in the middle as your fertility is not guaranteed. I think he should be able to tell you he is defo committed and will propose within the next 4 years for instance. That’s not a big pressure thing that’s just planning ahead.

A 23 year old who has been with a girlfriend from aged 19 is probably more restless and wanting if variety than settling down. You are at different stages of life. Your options could be neither boyfriend or co-worker but to be single or someone new eventually.

I would move on if I were you, OP. Where will your BF be moving to with his job? Is he considering you in his plans? He could decide in 7 years that he’s not ready to get married, and you will be 7 years older. Move on and find a more suitable partner who wants the same things that you do, with the same timeline, rather than… “maybe in 7 years, but I don’t know.”

Of course OP should have a good pension plan at 27–that’s how compound interest works.

Whilst agreeing with the thought that having children (or at least your first one) at 38 or 39 is late, to expect a commitment at aged 23 of marriage is asking a lot of most people in this day and age.

And anyone who is single at 28 may just be down to circumstances, or even just having standards, be they male or female.

Would you rather have a baby with the wrong person?

Do your boyfriend a favour and end the relationship.
the mere fact that you’re attracted to your co worker and considering taking that further means you are not ready for marriage. Thank goodness your boyfriend has more sense.

Especially as the coworker turns out to be married…

But I agree in principle. Regardless of whether the OP’s boyfriend is ‘ready’ for the future she’s planned, the OP herself clearly isn’t.

You need to move on, even with the best will in the world he could easily change his mind in a few years and break up and leave you single in your early to mid 30s and having to start again. He’s just simply too young. So unless he’s ready to do these things asap then you need to find someone who is. You can’t wait for years on a promise (or even on a vague idea, which even that he won’t provide) and end up with nothing

If your head has been turned, why on earth do you want (or even expect!) to be planning a marriage with your current very young boyfriend?!

You are making ZERO sense!

I was 29 when I met my now DH (he was 28). We got married 3 years later. We both knew we wanted a serious commitment from very early on, and communicated that to one another. Ditch this guy and move on to someone who’ll commit!

23 seems very young to be thinking about marriage to me, though I understand it starts be be part of your thinking in your late twenties.

But honestly, if you are looking at coworkers, you aren't in a place to commit either.

So you need to decide whether your current situation is worth it to you.

In 5 years time you could be in exactly the same position. You'll be 33.

Why are you 'fearful' at 'starting again' at 28? Surely better at 28 than 33? If you know you want to settle down, get married and have DC sooner rather than later. It doesn't sound like your BF is the one for you.

Concentrate on you and your career. Move on.

You seem fixated on getting married, which in itself pretty worrying.

If you're worried about being single in your 20s, imagine how you'll feel in your 30s when he matures into the person he's meant to be and decides you're not for him.

I can't imagine being married to anyone I dated in my 20s, particularly my early 20s! Yes, it's possible that he knows who he is and what he wants at the age of 23, but it's more likely that he doesn't.

Why are you so desperate to be tied to a man? It’s really not necessary any more. You need to spend some time alone, working on your sense of self.

He is 23. My DS is that age, I’d encourage him to leave you if I’m honest. Too much too soon!

Dear god op, everything you’ve written seems more about just ‘getting married and having kids’ with anyone rather than actually a deep love for your boyfriend. He might be stringing you along, he might not- he probably doesn’t even know which it is yet. If you want definites then cut him loose and find someone who is more ‘ready’ and who you love, rather than just who you might be able to use to get the ‘marriage and kids’.

I would also be telling him to run if he was my friend/brother and now you’re essentially trying to cheat on him too? You stopped because coworker is married but you having a boyfriend didn’t stop you did it?! Disgraceful.

She’s late 20s so that’s a normal age to start having children. I had a toddler by OP’s age. It sounds like she doesn’t love her boyfriend so she should let him go and find someone closer in age.

I think that the crush on the coworker is your inner self telling you you do need to move on from this boyfriend. It may have simply run its course and you want different things. I would say don't wait around for someone who is not serious about getting married and starting a family, if that's what you want, because you could end up being strung along for another 4 years.

But the OP is the one who’s spent her 20s joylessly ‘waiting around’.i spent mine alternately studying for my eventual career (which requires multiple postgraduate degrees), and working casual jobs in different countries, travelling and having a ball. Nothing ‘waiting around’ about it. Not everyone views their lives as a time-sensitive progression from school and training towards ‘settling down’, marriage, kids, retirement and death.

Why would you want to marry your boyfriend if you are contemplating giving your number to a co-worker?.
If you love someone enough to marry them you certainly don't 'hedge your bets'.

You are both quite young (yes 27 is young!) maybe you just aren't right for each other as you seem to want different things right now.

This.

If your boyfriend were my brother or friend I'd tell him to run.

I agree, focus on you and your career.
Don't wait 4 years and then end up nearing the time to have DC, only for him to leave or still be unsure. While 23 is a bit young, 27 isn't, to find someone who you may be able to have DC with. So be open to the idea that this is just fun for now, for him , and not something longer term.