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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBTA?

40 replies

colourPink · 19/06/2025 19:05

So I, (30 F) have a best friend that I have been inseparable with since I was 3. Our friendship means the WORLD to me and we are super close - she is more like family.

my BFF has a son (5) and I have a 20 month old. Her son started school this academic year and I am a teacher. I work full time, 5 days a week, sometimes quite long hours and have additional responsibilities at work so am very busy. I value my half terms etc SO much as I love to spend the quality time with my boy.

However, my friend has also returned to full time work (previously she used to work 3/4 days a week). Now her son has started school she asks me to have him every half term. Sometimes only for a day or two, sometimes more. I really want to help as I know she struggles to find childcare but I can’t help but think her child has YEARS left at school. Can I continue to give up so much time to have him??

Our boys are so different in age that they don’t play together and I think the 5yo is constantly bored. This leads me trying to take them both out which isn’t always easy. I actually find it quite hard to have them both/ keep them both happy.

AIBTA if I start to cut it down? Say no? I love her so much but I don’t necessarily want to be used as a free babysitter every half term when it’s my quality time with my son. The 6 week holidays are approaching and she’s asked “can I book you in?” But it’s a bit frustrating being tied down to it. Equally, I empathise as that’s a long time to find childcare for.

Should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
PoppyFleur · 21/06/2025 05:54

Oh wow, I can’t believe your friend is expecting free childcare. Several of my friends are teachers and I have never expected them to have my child, it’s their time off! Does she offer to help you by babysitting weekends or during her annual leave?

Yes holiday care is expensive, however it’s just one of the costs of having children.

I know it’s uncomfortable to say no but whilst you’re minding her child, you are missing out on time with yours. And time flies so fast, don’t miss out on the opportunity to enjoy your baby, before you know it they will be heading off to university!

ZenNudist · 21/06/2025 05:22

She's using you. Tell her now to book holiday club for the summer. Does she expect you to do the 6 weeks?

Acc0untant · 20/06/2025 20:45

If you're as close as you say then there shouldn't be an issue saying no, or an issue receiving a no.

If either of the above aren't the case then you don't have the friendship you think you do.

Vallmo47 · 20/06/2025 20:40

I understand it’s a very awkward conversation to have OP but no, you’re going to have to say no.

CeciliaMars · 20/06/2025 18:27

She is being a CF!!!! I am a teacher and NO WAY would I give up my holibobs to look after someone else’s child on a regular basis.

Original poster
colourPink · 20/06/2025 18:13

If I take them out, depending on what I do she’ll give me money. For example if I take them to soft play then no, but a farm etc then yes. She packs snacks for him (which honestly more of a hindrance as he eats things my LO can’t and then he gets upsets and doesn’t understand) but otherwise I provide him lunch etc. I don’t mind! He’s at mine so I can feed him. Sometimes she works late and I do dinner as well.

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 20/06/2025 08:10

She is using you, and the can’t find childcare is just emotional blackmail, everyone else manages.

Although you need to make it clear you are not a childminder, I reckon if she had to pay you she’d find other arrangements. Does she even give you money for his food and outings?

Original poster
colourPink · 20/06/2025 07:41

Thanks all. It’s a really tricky conversation to have - she will struggle to find people to have him and I feel bad for her. I can’t help thinking that I CAN have him - I just don’t want to and that makes me feel guilty. But it is becoming a lot!

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 19/06/2025 23:06

I think she is really really cheeky expecting it from you.

healthybychristmas · 19/06/2025 23:06

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/06/2025 19:09

Can I book you in

No.. I'm happy to help now and again in a genuine emergency but I'm not being your regular childcare.

Not cant.
Not sorry.
Just no.

I wouldn't even say that about an emergency because everything will be an emergency now.

I would say I am really sorry but this is my holiday and I've been dying to spend time with my little one. The children aren't the same age and your child is just bored at my house. You're better off getting other child care as I won't be able to do it.

Endofyear · 19/06/2025 22:20

I think you have to be honest. It's unfair of your friend to expect you to give up your half term to mind her son. Having worked in education, I know how much you need the break! And it's important for you to spend that quality time with your son. Unfortunately, because you have helped her in the past, it's now become an expectation. You need to tell her now that you can't do it so she has time to make alternative arrangements.

It's probably not going to be an easy conversation but if she's as good a friend as you say, she'll understand. If she doesn't, perhaps she's not as good a friend as you think.

DoYouReally · 19/06/2025 19:11

"No, that does work for me".

Add if necessary

"I spend all my time working with other people's child. I want to spend my time off with just mine as we don't get enough time just one to one bonding during term time"

A true friend will understand.
A user won't.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/06/2025 19:09

Can I book you in

No.. I'm happy to help now and again in a genuine emergency but I'm not being your regular childcare.

Not cant.
Not sorry.
Just no.

Vaxtable · 19/06/2025 19:08

Just be honest. Sorry it doesn’t work for me, perhaps advise her where she may be able to get support

Chichianti · 19/06/2025 19:07

NTA. Extremely rude and cheeky of your friend to ask.

You need to nip this in the bud or you’ll be in for 10 more years of it.