AIBTA?

Fuck me she has enough help without roping you in!

Don't feel guilty.

I am also a teacher and friends are constantly using asking me to take care of their kids in the school holidays. I just say no most of the time because they tend to take advantage and I’ve no headspace for their childcare issues or indeed adding another child to my already full house.

Well if that’s the case then she’s not stuck for childcare. Just tell her you need to spend 1:1 time with your child in the holidays. Like I said, if you feel generous then you could offer one day a week but that would be it.
There’s a dad on the scene and family nearby. It’s up to them to sort their childcare.

Can't do. You have relatives to visit, going on holiday. She must find a childminder.

She is being a cheeky cow!

Saying yes and no randomly is the worst thing you could do.

She won't even look at other arrangements if she knows you might say yes.

All that will happen is she'll say please please please I don't have anyone else.

Because she won't look for someone else.

Because you only say no sometimes.

You need to confirm ASAP that you can't help in the summer holidays to give her time to sort alternative holiday clubs. There's all sorts of clubs around, catering to all personality types - she will find something.

When I was your age my childhood friend asked me to babysit for her, sleep at her house, and then travel to my work for an extra hour and a half the next day. It was very last minute… I was childless and I was doing some occasional babysitting locally for extra cash.
I followed my instinct and said ‘no’ as I feared it can easily become a regular thing, even though I wouldn’t have minded too much the one-off (no pay was mentioned and I wouldn’t have charged my friend).
It wasn’t an emergency - she wanted to book extra night work for herself.

She was very disappointed in me and did post on her Facebook things like how a real friend is a friend in need, and she can’t rely on anybody anymore… I felt guilty as I’m a people pleaser, but didn’t budge as she wasn’t big on favours herself anyway; would say no to others (and me) with no hesitation.

We are no longer fiends as she gradually cut me off after I had dc, and hers were older, and she was at a ‘different life stage’… I grieved it like losing a sister. I really loved her. But she’s fine. Has lots of friends and more money than me now as she worked when her dc were babies, unlike me. Lol.

Just sharing similar experience (and rambling). I don’t know what is right and wrong. It’s good to have that village and rely on people, it’s probably good for you child to have the older child around for a couple of days- but is someone genuine going to really ask you for such a big favour on regular basis?

Don’t just say no. She’s your best friend in the world! TALK TO HER!! Explain exactly what you’ve explained here. She’ll get it.

If you just say no, you risk her becoming confused and feeling alienated as she probably doesn’t ‘get’ it atm. Don’t risk your friendship over something that can be easily talked through and resolved.

Does she not have a partner or family around? Does she ever have your little one at all?
I wouldn’t get into this rut if I were you. I might offer to have him one day a week (if you want to) but no more than that. You need to make it clear NOW.

He can cope in a classroom so he will be able to cope in a summer club or at a childminder who does holiday cover with a smaller group.

“so she doesn’t think he’d cope in a summer club etc” - but that is not your problem to solve! She chose to have a child and she chose to go back to work full time. Most parents have to find a way to deal with these situations, many of us don’t have family or teacher friends to do the childcare for us.
She is really taking advantage of you and you need to push back and tell her it’s too stressful for you and you won’t be able to help with childcare anymore.

She's not the wonderful friend you think she is and she shouldn't have had a child if she couldn't find/afford childcare.

And the child's father is where?

She's using you for free childcare.

She might be oblivious as to how hard this is on you if you haven't said anything. It's time to let her know that it's hard work, it's taking away from your time with your child, interfering with your time off, and you won't be her childcare anymore.

She's got to sort out childcare for herself.

Is she returning the favour and watching yours occasionally? I watched a good friend's two after school for a long time but one was my eldest's BFF and they were close in age and she would have eldest over to swim and sleepovers and the times evened out.

If your no affects your friendship, you didn't have the friendship you thought you did.

Just give her a list of the days you can take him. One day a week maybe ?

Just make up lots of being busy days! “We have this planned and that planned. I can do a day or two but I also really need to relax”.

I have a friend who despite working year round, and having a completely useless ex for her child’s dad, for some reason booked her child into a term time only nursery. She kept asking for days for me to help in holidays. I’m very happy to do the odd day here and there, but nothing regular. I always say “we’ve got this on here and friends staying here etc, but it’s a bit quieter this week so can have him on Tuesday that week”. She’s a lovely friend and has helped me out with my son too on occasions, but I don’t want to be relied on every school holidays!

That’s not your problem.
you need to nip things in the bud now
”I’m sorry I can’t have your ds in school holidays anymore”.

Absolutely you should nip this in the bud so she has time to sort something else out before summer holidays. She isn’t paying for childcare while her son is in school so will have to pay a childminder or holiday club during school holidays or her and her partner will need to use leave. I think she is a CF asking you and putting you in a difficult position. Did you offer to do it at any time?

Just tell her teaching is exhausting (I don’t think some people get that) and you need the holidays to recharge and spend with your son. You can also point out the disparity in ages means you struggle to entertain both together.

you need to be clear in what you want. If you don’t want to do it at all then say it’s too much as you have your own child/some work responsibilities.

if you are happy to do one days week then offer that.

you needs clear boundary. She is cheeky in assuming but that probably due to your closeness and she probably thinks she would do same for you (reality is often different)

Could you book to go away!

Best friends your whole life and consider her family?

If she is as good as friend as you say she will respect your no.

Is she expecting you to cover all of half term and then all of the other holidays including all 6 weeks of summer?

It definitely sounds cheeky, and while it might be tricky to find childcare there is definitely stuff out there when it comes to main holidays (inset days are where it is hard as childcare generally isn't offered as those are odd days that differ between schools).

Does she not have a partner or any family to help?
I believe most people end up with a bit of a rota when it comes to holidays with them taking time off, a partner taking time off a different week, grandparents stepping in and then booked holiday clubs. It seems rude of her to assume that because you have the time off you can look after her child and I see this would end your friendship.