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AIBU?

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Original poster

8 year old has to stay in to study

160 replies

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:28

My Dd, 7 has a best friend on the road who she loves to play with. They often play together some weekends and occasionally in the evenings in summer.
He hasn’t been able to play out at our house or his due to tests at school.
Every time my Dd has knocked on, he’s said he has to stay in because there are tests at school at the moment and he has to do work. He loves very sad
Its been beautiful weather and Dd and another friend on the street have invited him for bike rides or to play on the trampoline or to swim in the pool and he isn’t allowed.
He stays fairly late at school, then goes to clubs/football etc, comes home, does homework and goes to bed.

Often at the weekend, he says he can’t play and sits in doing video games

Aibu to wonder why he can’t just play with his friends and be a child?

OP posts:
TheNightSurgeon · 19/06/2025 16:15

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:13

He isn’t he has mentioned a few times how much he hates school as it all has to be perfect and how tired he is

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He speaks to your dd an awful lot for a kid who isn't allowed to socialise.

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:13

Ddakji · 19/06/2025 15:52

Maybe he’s trying to make her feel better, have you thought of that?

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He isn’t he has mentioned a few times how much he hates school as it all has to be perfect and how tired he is

OP posts:
OkPedro · 19/06/2025 16:13

MakingPlans2025 · 19/06/2025 15:37

None of your business really is it?

Why do people say this.. mumsnet wouldn't exist if we all said well none of my business, it's a bloody chat forum.. people can post wondering about many things that aren't their business. I don't think the op said she's going over to the parents to ask them

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:11

Ddakji · 19/06/2025 15:51

You said your DD does play out with him at the weekends and in the holidays.

So he does do all that - just not necessarily when you/you DD think he should.

Your DD isn’t helping here, you know.

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She isn’t helping how?

OP posts:
MageQueen · 19/06/2025 16:03

Todayisaday · 19/06/2025 15:55

I wouldnt let my 8 year old play i the atreet or walk around and knock for other children and they do have to stay in and study or just be indoors.
The parents might be fed up of your dd knocking all the time and want him to stay in for many reasons.
My 11 year old is just starting to be allowed out like that.
You don't know the experiences of the parents that have led them to be cautious.
The kid might well end up with fantastic grades and an amazing life where he can do what he wants as an adult as he has bags of money through his studying!!

yeah, this too. Lots of 8 year olds aren't allowed out but it's easier to make excuses.

DD always says her friend wants to be out and about more, but she doesn't seem to be suffering for it really.

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 15:58

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:52

It isn’t just all the children from the neighbourhood, he doesn’t have other friends over either. He is allowed to ours and Dd there, but a great deal of the time he has to stay inside, it just seems sad for him

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You are so invested in this child, you’re starting to sound a bit creepy, tbh.
You have no idea what his life is like, all you actually know is that his parents don’t want him running round the streets unsupervised.
Maybe just accept this??

Todayisaday · 19/06/2025 15:55

I wouldnt let my 8 year old play i the atreet or walk around and knock for other children and they do have to stay in and study or just be indoors.
The parents might be fed up of your dd knocking all the time and want him to stay in for many reasons.
My 11 year old is just starting to be allowed out like that.
You don't know the experiences of the parents that have led them to be cautious.
The kid might well end up with fantastic grades and an amazing life where he can do what he wants as an adult as he has bags of money through his studying!!

TheNightSurgeon · 19/06/2025 15:55

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:52

It isn’t just all the children from the neighbourhood, he doesn’t have other friends over either. He is allowed to ours and Dd there, but a great deal of the time he has to stay inside, it just seems sad for him

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He goes to clubs, and will have friends there, he goes to school and will have friends there. Aside from the fact you can't possibly know his every move and he may well go to other house or have people at his.

Stop feeling sorry for a kid who sounds like he has a pretty well balanced life.

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 15:54

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:48

How is it higher expectations? No playing out in the fresh alr, no imaginative play or bike riding, indoors playing video games

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Some parents like to control every inch of their children's life. There is no time to just "be a child" with unstructured play. I agree with you OP- I think imaginary play is really important and so do all leading child psychologists. But for some parents it's only performance that counts and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. But it's really sad.

ClickClickety · 19/06/2025 15:53

You have been told that he is not allowed to play out during these tests so stop bothering him. He'll play during the holidays.

Ddakji · 19/06/2025 15:52

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:50

Jealous of his parents how?

It’s not hanging around doing nothing, he’s playing, being a child?

He told Dd he hates school and hates going to football every night

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Maybe he’s trying to make her feel better, have you thought of that?

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:52

ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 15:50

you do you.

Going to clubs to play football etc.. is just as great - and achieving good marks at schools even better.

There might be very good reasons from his parents, or from him, to decline joining with the children from the street. Don't look too deep in there, you might be a bit shocked.

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It isn’t just all the children from the neighbourhood, he doesn’t have other friends over either. He is allowed to ours and Dd there, but a great deal of the time he has to stay inside, it just seems sad for him

OP posts:
Ddakji · 19/06/2025 15:51

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:48

How is it higher expectations? No playing out in the fresh alr, no imaginative play or bike riding, indoors playing video games

Show quote history

You said your DD does play out with him at the weekends and in the holidays.

So he does do all that - just not necessarily when you/you DD think he should.

Your DD isn’t helping here, you know.

MageQueen · 19/06/2025 15:51

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:44

He loves playing and tells Dd he’s sad he can’t very often.

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DS told his friends that he really wanted to go that sleepover but I wouldn't let him.....

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:50

ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 15:48

So he has a normal school day, plenty of after-school clubs, then do homework instead of just hanging around doing nothing? What's wrong with homework? If he's in England, they still have more than a month left!

Are you jealous of his parents or something?

Your OP is so judgmental and unpleasant, you think there's only one correct way to raise kids and that's yours?

Jealous of his parents how?

It’s not hanging around doing nothing, he’s playing, being a child?

He told Dd he hates school and hates going to football every night

OP posts:
ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 15:50

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:46

They don’t play out on the street, aside from going on bikes supervised by a parent (it’s a cul de sac) it’s at each others homes, playing with toys, role play, in the garden, trampoline, pool etc .It’s great for the kids

you do you.

Going to clubs to play football etc.. is just as great - and achieving good marks at schools even better.

There might be very good reasons from his parents, or from him, to decline joining with the children from the street. Don't look too deep in there, you might be a bit shocked.

lnks · 19/06/2025 15:49

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:48

How is it higher expectations? No playing out in the fresh alr, no imaginative play or bike riding, indoors playing video games

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Again, you do not know what is going on in his family’s life. Get down from your high horse

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 15:49

Maybe his parents don’t want him playing in the street?
Tell your Dd to stop pushing it.

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:48

Holluschickie · 19/06/2025 15:46

Perhaps his parents have higher expectations.

I often wondered why so many kids don't eat vegetables and eat so much processed rubbish, but I never said so because it's none of my business.

How is it higher expectations? No playing out in the fresh alr, no imaginative play or bike riding, indoors playing video games

OP posts:
ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 15:48

So he has a normal school day, plenty of after-school clubs, then do homework instead of just hanging around doing nothing? What's wrong with homework? If he's in England, they still have more than a month left!

Are you jealous of his parents or something?

Your OP is so judgmental and unpleasant, you think there's only one correct way to raise kids and that's yours?

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:46

They don’t play out on the street, aside from going on bikes supervised by a parent (it’s a cul de sac) it’s at each others homes, playing with toys, role play, in the garden, trampoline, pool etc .It’s great for the kids

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 19/06/2025 15:46

Perhaps his parents have higher expectations.

I often wondered why so many kids don't eat vegetables and eat so much processed rubbish, but I never said so because it's none of my business.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 19/06/2025 15:44

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:42

All the children on the road and no other children over either.

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Up to them. Not everyone wants their child playing out on the streets aged 8. Maybe they think the kids on the street are troublesome? Maybe he doesn’t want to play with them? You have no idea.

Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:44

MageQueen · 19/06/2025 15:39

It might well be that thi sis an exuse and that really, he doesn't like to play out as much.

It could also be true. DD has a friend from school whose parents have quite strict expectations for what she can do during the week/on weekends, including a lot of home learning and extra tutoring.

It is what it is. I'd tell your DD that they should ask, but accept that his life is a bit different to theirs and so hemight not play as often.

He loves playing and tells Dd he’s sad he can’t very often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:42

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 19/06/2025 15:39

Maybe they just don’t want him playing with your child? Who knows.

All the children on the road and no other children over either.

OP posts: