Page 5 | 8 year old has to stay in to study

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 2025-06-19T14:28:53+00:00

My Dd, 7 has a best friend on the road who she loves to play with. They often play together some weekends and occasionally in the evenings in summer. He hasn’t been able to play out at our house or his due to tests at school. Every time my Dd has knocked on, he’s said he has to stay in because there are tests at school at the moment and he has to do work. He loves very sad Its been beautiful weather and Dd and another friend on the street have invited him for bike rides or to play on the trampoline or to swim in the pool and he isn’t allowed. He stays fairly late at school, then goes to clubs/football etc, comes home, does homework and goes to bed. Often at the weekend, he says he can’t play and sits in doing video games Aibu to wonder why he can’t just play with his friends and be a child?

Ohmellons · 19/06/2025 17:31

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 17:14

From the grammar in your post, I’m guessing it’s the one with the education that’s doing well?
That is, not your sister.

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Thats just being rude.

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 17:29

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 17:14

From the grammar in your post, I’m guessing it’s the one with the education that’s doing well?
That is, not your sister.

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I have a learning disability i dont see numbers and letters like others but thank you.

WasThatACorner · 19/06/2025 17:28

Our youngest will say that we won't let him play out when actually he just doesn't feel up to it. Maybe it's an excuse?

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 17:26

ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 16:56

Some of us are happy for our kids not to play in the street with any random child 😂 your judgmental and superior attitude is all about you, not other parents.

All their time is literally "being a child" but if it makes you feel better for doing nothing with your own, go for it.

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The above was for you.

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 17:25

It's quite a stretch to say that I'm "doing nothing" for my child because I make sure that he has got time for non structured play. It's quite the opposite. I care for him, not only his intellectual development but also his social and emotional wellbeing.
If you take the time to read what experts say on the subject instead of just posting uninformed opinions.

https://helpmegrowmn.org/HMG/HelpfulRes/Articles/WhyUnstructure/index.html

Help Me Grow MN

https://helpmegrowmn.org/HMG/HelpfulRes/Articles/WhyUnstructure/index.html

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 17:14

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 16:29

When we was kids my sisters friend was like this she had to do all her home work plus more studying for test etc.
Her parents tested her at home for gcse at 12.
Long story short.
Guess who is now a top lawyer and doing bloody well for her self married no kids living the dream.
And guess whos a factory worker with 2 kids divorced now has a new partner and always moaning.

From the grammar in your post, I’m guessing it’s the one with the education that’s doing well?
That is, not your sister.

Ddakji · 19/06/2025 17:07

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:11

She isn’t helping how?

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Goodness, I can see where she gets it from, you really do need everything spelling out, don’t you?

By continually knocking she’s making him feel more and more left out. Leave him alone. If you know after school is a no-no, tell her not to knock for him them and to leave it for the weekend or holidays.

ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 16:58

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 16:29

When we was kids my sisters friend was like this she had to do all her home work plus more studying for test etc.
Her parents tested her at home for gcse at 12.
Long story short.
Guess who is now a top lawyer and doing bloody well for her self married no kids living the dream.
And guess whos a factory worker with 2 kids divorced now has a new partner and always moaning.

yes, because it's well known, kids attending top schools, private or grammar, with all the activities they can want, who have learned to study and achieve top results, these are the kids who fail completely at life, never manage anything remotely like a career. Of course 😂

That's why kids go to top school, it's guaranteed failure later on, and divorce!

ByJoyousBiscuit · 19/06/2025 16:56

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 15:54

Some parents like to control every inch of their children's life. There is no time to just "be a child" with unstructured play. I agree with you OP- I think imaginary play is really important and so do all leading child psychologists. But for some parents it's only performance that counts and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. But it's really sad.

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Some of us are happy for our kids not to play in the street with any random child 😂 your judgmental and superior attitude is all about you, not other parents.

All their time is literally "being a child" but if it makes you feel better for doing nothing with your own, go for it.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 19/06/2025 16:53

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:38

Sorry, read again…’Married, no kids, living the dream’ Isn’t necessarily everyone’s idea of living the dream

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I don't know what the answer to that posters guess-who is, but studies show the happiest sector of society are childfree single women 😊

Are you going to tell the kids parents that you think they should bring him up the same way that you parent?

TizerorFizz · 19/06/2025 16:44

Are there school entrance tests in June? It’s too late for school tests. This is the parents controlling who dc plays with.

Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:38

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 16:29

When we was kids my sisters friend was like this she had to do all her home work plus more studying for test etc.
Her parents tested her at home for gcse at 12.
Long story short.
Guess who is now a top lawyer and doing bloody well for her self married no kids living the dream.
And guess whos a factory worker with 2 kids divorced now has a new partner and always moaning.

Sorry, read again…’Married, no kids, living the dream’ Isn’t necessarily everyone’s idea of living the dream

OP posts:

Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:36

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 16:29

When we was kids my sisters friend was like this she had to do all her home work plus more studying for test etc.
Her parents tested her at home for gcse at 12.
Long story short.
Guess who is now a top lawyer and doing bloody well for her self married no kids living the dream.
And guess whos a factory worker with 2 kids divorced now has a new partner and always moaning.

Being a lawyer and single is not necessarily everyone’s idea of ‘Living the dream’
I’m sure all the other children won’t end up working in a factory (not that there’s anything wrong with that) just because they’re allowed to be kids and enjoy life.
Equally this boy’s life could go the opposite way, be may rebel against it all…you just don’t know

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BiancaBlank · 19/06/2025 16:30

You just know that if OP had come on here and posted instead that a neighbour’s kid kept knocking on her DC’s door wanting them to come and play when they were supposed to be studying for those very important tests that 8yos do at the end of June - all the posters would have been on here saying for pete’s sake can’t you let the poor child go out and play!

Allergycream · 19/06/2025 16:29

When we was kids my sisters friend was like this she had to do all her home work plus more studying for test etc.
Her parents tested her at home for gcse at 12.
Long story short.
Guess who is now a top lawyer and doing bloody well for her self married no kids living the dream.
And guess whos a factory worker with 2 kids divorced now has a new partner and always moaning.

Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:28

MyLov · 19/06/2025 16:25

I agree. If the OP is right here that is incredibly sad and awful for this poor child’s development. People saying “it’s up to the parents” well obviously it is, but it’s not good for children to be kept inside and/or shepherded from one activity to another. And it’s good for people to point this out and highlight it.

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This is it, just a bit sad, he’s a lovely boy

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MyLov · 19/06/2025 16:25

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 15:54

Some parents like to control every inch of their children's life. There is no time to just "be a child" with unstructured play. I agree with you OP- I think imaginary play is really important and so do all leading child psychologists. But for some parents it's only performance that counts and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. But it's really sad.

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I agree. If the OP is right here that is incredibly sad and awful for this poor child’s development. People saying “it’s up to the parents” well obviously it is, but it’s not good for children to be kept inside and/or shepherded from one activity to another. And it’s good for people to point this out and highlight it.

Jeschara · 19/06/2025 16:24

This really has nothing to do with you, I hate this let kids be kids when alot of what you know comes from your daughter.
Do not judge them for thier parenting style just because it is different from yours. Maybe they do not want there son mixing with children of judgemental gossips.
Leave them alone and let them get in with their lives, in their own way.

Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:24

TheNightSurgeon · 19/06/2025 16:15

He speaks to your dd an awful lot for a kid who isn't allowed to socialise.

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He has said it when at our house, he does come over, but all very strict and nowhere near as much as the other children and my friends kids

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WhyWouldAnyone · 19/06/2025 16:24

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 15:48

How is it higher expectations? No playing out in the fresh alr, no imaginative play or bike riding, indoors playing video games

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Academically speaking.

It's not how I'd choose to parent, but it's up to them. They are obviously prioritising his education and focussing on entrance exams right now. It might not be what you'd choose but it's hardly illegal.

Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:22

OkPedro · 19/06/2025 16:13

Why do people say this.. mumsnet wouldn't exist if we all said well none of my business, it's a bloody chat forum.. people can post wondering about many things that aren't their business. I don't think the op said she's going over to the parents to ask them

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Exactly 💓

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Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:22

Annascaul · 19/06/2025 15:58

You are so invested in this child, you’re starting to sound a bit creepy, tbh.
You have no idea what his life is like, all you actually know is that his parents don’t want him running round the streets unsupervised.
Maybe just accept this??

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Nobody is ‘Running around the streets unsupervised’ they are kids, from 5-9 years old. They play at each others homes, in the garden, in the pool, riding bikes, it’s fantastic.

It’s not creepy at all, I just feel for him. I know the family very well, they have been friends since they were toddlers. The family are nice, but it’s so much pressure and i’ve seen him change from a fun, silly boy to an anxious, sad looking boy with no energy

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Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:18

Todayisaday · 19/06/2025 15:55

I wouldnt let my 8 year old play i the atreet or walk around and knock for other children and they do have to stay in and study or just be indoors.
The parents might be fed up of your dd knocking all the time and want him to stay in for many reasons.
My 11 year old is just starting to be allowed out like that.
You don't know the experiences of the parents that have led them to be cautious.
The kid might well end up with fantastic grades and an amazing life where he can do what he wants as an adult as he has bags of money through his studying!!

They don’t play on the streets
All the other children work hard at school and do some clubs too, but they’re also allowed to be kids while they can. I’m sure my Dd will go on to lead a great life too with time spent being free as a child too

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Original poster

Swimmingwithoutfloats · 19/06/2025 16:15

arcticpandas · 19/06/2025 15:54

Some parents like to control every inch of their children's life. There is no time to just "be a child" with unstructured play. I agree with you OP- I think imaginary play is really important and so do all leading child psychologists. But for some parents it's only performance that counts and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. But it's really sad.

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100% agree, he’s still so young, it’s so much pressure, let them be kids

OP posts:

Holluschickie · 19/06/2025 16:15

Why don't you mention it to the parents?Start with how important you think imaginary play and unstructured time is for their son.