To stop being a people pleaser

It might help to reframe your thinking of why you try to please. Ultimately, you think you behave as you do because you’re trying to please other people; but actually, you’re trying to please yourself - by trying to ensure not having to feel awkward or guilty or other negative emotions if somebody dislikes a choice you’ve made or something you’ve said or a refusal to do something.

Mostly, other people aren’t pleased by people pleasers: I find it utterly infuriating when somebody won’t make a decision and tries to foist it onto me because they fear making the “wrong” choice; or I can’t get a straight statement out of them because they’re mincing their words all over the place; or they constantly ask for reassurance that they’re being pleasing which I’m expected to give; or they say yes when really they’d like to say no, and then there’s resentment later as a result. It isn’t pleasing!

The majority of people appreciate it when those around them say what they mean, and mean what they say. If you communicate clearly and confidently without trying to second guess people, you’re actually less likely to offend or upset them; a clear and confident communicator is also more likely to gain others’ respect and confidence that they are not somebody who will have been actively trying to upset or offend.

Have surety in your choices. Worry less about the what ifs. Believe that at a basic level, nothing bad actually happens if people think invisible thoughts in their head about you. That’s their issue to carry, not yours. If people dislike you as a result of a change in behaviour, they weren’t worth having around in the first place.

Yep, was for years. Ended up going for counselling because I was so stressed. Worked on boundaries. Saying no gets easier the more you do it although I still feel myself slipping back into it at times. I’m peri too and that definitely makes things easier too because you have so much less patience for everyone’s shit.
one of the main things I remember from counselling was that I’m not responsible for how others feel when I say no- that was a big help