Unwanted videographer at my wedding

Get a life

I don’t think you were unreasonable to accept that it was happening on the day - you were keeping things smooth and being sure not to upset your guests. It is all a bit unfortunate.

i also chose not to have a videographer at my wedding which was fine but… the day was so intense that I forgot large parts of it and I now feel it would be nice to see certain people who have now passed away. In particulier, I can’t remember my dad’s speech but people occasionally mention how funny it was. Dad developed early onset dementia, and since he died, I really wish I had a video of his speech.

I hope that at some point, you discover a reason to value having the video, and perhaps can reframe it then as being a gift that you wouldn’t have chosen but which worked out to be wonderful in the long run.

Your friends all meant well and love you, and that’s the best thing to hold onto in the meantime. Congratulations on your wedding!

It is unlikely that the digital format created by this videographer will be in existence by the time children/grandchildren are even interested in it. I can’t believe how many people are trying to put such a positive spin on a considerable overreach and invasion of privacy

The ‘friend’ massively overstepped and gave an unwanted gift - even worse she misrepresented the OPs position by persuading others to collude in giving an unwanted gift. It’s appalling and I totally understand why the OP is upset

Can you read?? OP stated clearly that she was having photos, it's a video she didn't want. The clue is sort of in the word 'videographer'. Or were you in such a hurry to start the sneering that you missed the actual relevant details.

Another poster who seems incapable of understanding anyone who isn't exactly like them. Your post contains some ridiculous leaps.

"Find a way to make lemonade. Watch the video on your one month anniversary, watch it on your one year anniversary, and so on. Watch it with your children when they come and are of age. One day you may be very glad that you have that video!"

yup @SabreIsMyFave ....youbthink you have seen aaaaaaaaall the batshit and then you find you haven't

Nah, therapy can't fix stupid

FFS its his choice!

To be fair, if you go to a wedding or work at one, you expect that you might end up in a photo or video, even in the background. I always assumed there would be a photographer at the very least when I was playing or singing.
This situation is very different. The two people saying their names and being the main focus of that video didn't give consent in advance and it doesn't sound as though @banjomonkey would be keen on giving it retrospectively.

A bit off piste but one of our treasured wedding presents was from a lady we worked with. We think the gift was probably a bingo prize (she was a bingo fiend!) but she was lovely and gave us something she was sure we would use. Interestingly, those cheap, bingo prize, steak knives have been with us for 48 years and we still think of her when we use them.

I’m shocked at the amount of people excusing her behaviour. If you’d have said ‘I desperately want one but can’t afford it’ AND she paid herself that would be fine. But to make your guests pay for it and decide that SHE knows better for YOUR wedding is utterly batshit. It’s such a personal thing, I also can’t believe the videographer would agree to it without speaking to the couple. It’s so intrusive. The fact he took you out of the moment by being in your eyeline is really sad, you can’t get those moments back.

I'd add, too, that while I'd have little-to-no interest in watching a video of my own wedding, I do take joy from various of the thoughtful wedding gifts we received that are dotted around the house.

That this pig-headed videographer surprise came at the expense of things the OP may actually have cherished is a real shame.

This is the kind of person who would take your dc to have their ears pierced without your knowledge and expect you to be delighted.

I would get the MOH or your DM to speak to this woman and tell her that you didn't want to hurt her feelings but MOH/DM feels they need to let her know how upsetting it was to have the wedding filmed when you said you weren't having a videographer. She needs to know that this is not something to spring on someone without warning, hopefully there weren't any cared for children there but she didn't even check with a family member to make sure this wasn't an issue. Plus the unprofessional videographer who didn't have the consent of the B&G.

Tell her quickly before the editing takes place so they might be able to recover some of the money.

I remember being very young and going to some random person's house with a whole heap of people including the church choir to watch a wedding video.
I have a feeling, @banjomonkey that your pal will spring a watch party on you. She has the comms with the videographer so will probably be getting the final version. Something needs to be said to stop it from turning into a complete circus.

My goodness.

Even if you personally are entirely comfortable being photographed or filmed, surely you're aware that camera-shyness is very common. Most polls/studies find that a sizeable majority of people experience it to some degree.

It is also very common for camera shy people to more comfortably tolerate posed photographs than they do candid ones or being constantly filmed. A posed photo can mean a fleeting moment of self-consciousness (that you can manage your appearance for), but a videographer buzzing around all day (alternating between being up-in-your-face and candid "documentarian" stuff) is likely to leave most camera shy people stressed and anxious, particularly where they're the "star" of the show.

To spring this on someone, unannounced, on what is meant to be the happiest day of someone's life (and, usually, one that is meticulously planned to be enjoyable for the bride and groom) is incredibly thoughtless and rude and would cause a lot of people to feel distracted, on-edge an anxious.

While its great, for you, that you don't seem to experience any of these very common hangups, your posts demonstrate a remarkable level of self-absorption and a deficiency in empathy.

Interesting. I wonder what is going on for you @Gwenhwyfar that you are trying so hard to argue against the Op and those of us who are empathising with her.

This. ^ Batshit comments from @Gwenhwyfar

I would have hated having a video taken of our wedding. I'm very self conscious, and would have been hyper aware of it all day.

??? Eh?

I'm trying to work out whether you are being serious here: to say that people who dont like being photographed need therapy is nothing short of ridiculous.

How on earth does not liking to have your photo taken affect other people? You make it sound as though having your photo taken is a moral duty!

Surely it's the people who obsessively take selfies and spoil every moment by photographing it rather than enjoying it are the ones with the mental health problems?

You probably don't, but OP's groom can't handle even being photographed.

I don’t get this. I didn’t want a videographer for my wedding. Why do I need therapy?

Yes, that is a rational explanation for what is a thoroughly bizarre situation.

It obviously does.

": Videographers should obtain clear consent from individuals being filmed"

In what wedding, ever, is every guest asked their consent to be filmed.
The following part was about the video being shared on social media, which it presumably would not be.