Unwanted videographer at my wedding

Oh bless you, OP, how absolutely awful.

I'm with you and your husband, I HATE being photographed at the best of times, as for videos...I just can't even...

Idk how old you are. My younger cousins (20s) who've grown up with SM don't have an issue with it, but I'm in my 40s and it makes me seriously uncomfortable. I know plenty of people who feel the same way, how horribly presumptuous of your friend.

Sadly I don't think there's anything to be done now. you mention all the time you spent organising your wedding and how well everything went, so just try and focus on remembering all those lovely things about your day...and hopefully in time video-gate will fade into nothing.

Oh how have we managed without them for at least a century?

Lots of people hate being photographed. It's not strange at all.

Photos will suffice for that

And it's not for you to diminish the OP's feelings

I would say let the friend and videographer know it was out of line so it doesn't happen again in the future.

If she pretends to love it he could be there as a surprise at the birth of her first child!

Or just getting paid to ruin other people's weddings.

I think the OP needs to decide her answer herself. I also think that people who think its that easily smoothed over and that she will love it one day are mistaken.

So what’s the answer?

Destroy the recording?

Cut the friend out of your life?

Insist the friend pays for a re-run of the whole day without video recording spoiling the proceedings?

I think your friend was really out of line, and the other friends who chipped in, surely one of them could’ve tipped you off to check this was what you actually wanted? I’m surprised the videographer went along with her without wanting to speak to you first, seems quite unprofessional.

I too would have hated a videographer at my wedding! I wouldn’t pretend to your friends that you’re happy with the ‘gift’ I’d just say something like ‘if I’d wanted a videographer I would have hired one, I didn’t say anything on the day but it made me quite uncomfortable actually’ maybe make them think in future.

“Like a grass seed in your bra”
spot on analogy 👌

When new formats are introduced there are usually ways to convert old formats, one just has to ‘keep up’ converting anything important.

dodged a bullet there then!

all these "put it away, smooth it over, you may treasure it later" merchants...can you none of you see that it will be a reminder of a great day gone wrong because of what someone did? I am sure many people besides me have incidents in their past that are still annoying? You may have forgiven the person concerned, its rare for you to even think about it but if it ever comes up, the irritation is still there like a grass seed in your bra....you can acknowledge that its irrational but feelings are feelings.

😆 slightly off main topic, but this takes me back to the time the doorbell rang one late Sunday afternoon about 10 years ago, My DH and I were finishing off weekly housework type things before the working week began and a roast was cooking in the oven. I answered the door and our next door neighbour (the husband of an older couple) was standing there. He just said really forcefully and enthusiastically “Come on, come over and see the slides of our holiday!”. I just stood there a bit surprised at first. We hadn’t prearranged it, my husband wouldn’t have agreed to it (even the notion!). We hadn’t discussed or expressed and interest in their holiday. They had told us in passing that they were off on holiday soon and that indeed it was an all inclusive somewhere which cropped up in the chit chat. I just said, I’m sorry “Neighbour” but we’re in the middle of cleaning the house and cooking a roast.so maybe another time. The neighbour just stood there for what seemed an age staring at me in silence and disbelief. I ended up saying “I’ll let you get on” and slowly shutting door while he stood there. My husband was so relieved I hadn’t said yes and no he hadn’t discussed it with them before. It was never mentioned again. Incidentally we’re not close to these neighbours and have really nothing in common with them at all. No other neighbours were invited so it was all a bit odd. Just to clarify, we say hi to them when we see them but nothing more than short polite chats.

its not going to do this videographer's local rep much good though is it... doing something so personal without the protagonists' agreement? and yes parents do organise some weddings but with the agreement of the bride and groom....if they don't know every detail its because they have agreed with the organiser(s) not to know every detail and not because some batshit friend has muscled in.

Your wedding- your way.

Did you tell her you didn’t want a videographer? If so she is being unreasonable.

If you just told her you weren’t having one, perhaps she thought that you didn’t have the budget for one and thought she would surprise you with a nice present.

Everyone is different but most people getting married love to have a record of it.

When my GPs got married in the 50s, my Great Uncle did an 8mm film of them coming out of the church. It’s got no sound and is only a few minutes long but it’s a real family treasure.

Maybe just thank her, put the video away in a drawer and forget about it perhaps in decades it will be something to treasure. You may feel differently about it one day and be glad of it?

But it wasn't the happiest day if her life on account of the bloody videographer

I can’t believe she did that. I’d never plan a big surprise at a wedding, the couple will have planned what they wanted. So sorry this happened to you. I hope with time you can turn it into a cheeky fucker anecdote so it hurts less.

This happened to me! I had similar thoughts / feelings to you and had chosen a photographer for their sensitivity.

DH’s friend wished to be an unofficial videographer and asked DH on the day, DH acquiesced. I felt like you about it, just got on with the day.

Been married over 20 years and I’ve not (yet) watched the video.

Basically the friend inserted herself and her preferences into someone else's wedding. Which is just bizarre.

The bride and groom of any wedding, put a lot of thought into what they want, from the venue to the name cards on the tables. It's incredibly arrogant to add one's own choice into someone's wedding without discussion or even letting them know it would happen.

The friend's behaviour was quite astonishing and I'm surprised that there are people defending her.

Did you miss the bit where the videographer was in the way all the way through the wedding, spoiling the moment?

Cameras in shops and streets are unobtrusive to the point of invisibility.

Yes he can. He doesn't like it, but agreed to have a photographer.

And I don't get how you think someone not liking having their photo taken affects others.

...is this meant to be a joke?

If not...fucking hell 😂

How do you leave the house, knowing that you're on camera virtually everywhere?

This is a wedding video that's never going to see the light of day. It can't be un-filmed. It's literally a non-issue unless OP is determined to let it ruin the happiest day of her life.

We recently managed to watch some home videos that were recorded onto VHS in the early 1990s. I imagine digital files will last longer.