Unwanted videographer at my wedding

Yes, but that wasnt the point i was trying to make - everything doesn't have to be about the bride. Other people getting joy from something is a by product, sure, but it's a nice by product. My mum got dementia and she loved watching the video.

This 100% I didn't really want a video and as we married before smartphones we don't have a great deal of footage but my uncle had a video camera and that little bit of recording is very precious 25 years on as there are a number of loved ones who are no longer with us. A marriage is a whole lot more than a day and you clearly gave lovely friends who thought they were doing a nice thing. You will treasure those friendships down the years and you sadly may ask come to treasure footage of guests who pass on.....

can i please ask for your objective evidence that most people go through post wedding blues please?

"I am so so so upset. It was exactly the opposite of what I wanted – at my own wedding!"

I fully understand how hard this was, OP. You could not stop it happening. I have family members who find it upsetting to be photographed (mental health, crime victim). If it was one of them, I'd have been called out of the church to tell them to stop filming, delete any images taken and go back to the person who engaged them. But that's the nuclear option - instant conflict. In your shoes, who gets the video first before it's shared (if at all)? You as the gift recipient or friend as customer? Are the friends expecting copies? If you, I'd get someone to edit you and husband out and share it as a party vid for the others. Your friend has made a terrible mistake. Your call as to whether they find out.

and there's no "just" about it.

no I think its a friend who fucked up badly and ruined the day

I hate loathe and detest this whiny "only wanted to do something nice for you" Its straight out of the Guilt Tripper's handbook

I loved my wedding. It was exactly what I wanted. I spent a lot of time planning it and I am really happy about how it all went.

i think this is simply post wedding blues, an understandable reaction most people go through

I would phrase that as "I bet they are just supporting you". No explanation needed.

It's you that needs to reframe. It was NOT wonderful, or exactly how they wanted it. "I am so so so upset. It was exactly the opposite of what I wanted ..." (OP).

no not really. I take photos of things but not people.....and ESPECIALLY not people who don't want to be photographed

do you never take photos of events?
to see what you looked like, and remember what your relatives looked like
it is a very common pastime

but presumabley you knew it was going to happen and had agreed to it or at least didn't mind?

why?

you don't know the friend or her motivation. "I enjoyed it so you will enjoy it" doesn't sound great to me.....also we don't know what she told the friends.... "She really liked the idea of it and LOVED mine but her budget doesn't stretch to it" The "friend" might even belive that herself.

Maybe now’s the time to get to the bottom of your dislike of being photographed, particularly if you plan to have children

why? they were there.

but surely there must be some curiousity?

I think it might be an idea to reframe how you’re thinking about this. You say you had a wonderful day and it was exactly how you wanted it, and also that all your closest best friends contributed to it- so if your closest friends, presumably people who know you pretty well didn’t think it was an issue and didn’t say to the lady who was arranging it that you’d hate it and they weren’t contributing as they planned to get you something else, they this lady couldn’t have known. I know it was your wedding day & can see it might have felt intrusive, but it sounds like they were just trying to do something nice for you and thought you’d like it (especially if lots of people knew about it & contributed) I would just say thank you & that it was thoughtful of them and then just never watch it and move on if that’s how you feel- or sit down as watch it with you new hubby, cringe at how hideous it is and try to find the funny side- it’s happened now and you can’t change it & not sure it’s worth falling out with your friends over .

It's perfectly legal to take pictures or video of anyone or anything in a public place. But it's polite to ask permission at a private event in a public place.

because they too think it was a shit thing to do?

We had a video of our wedding. I never watched it but my mum did and when we had children they loved it.

i dont understand why your family dont want to see the video, i bet they are just agreeing with you

The initial conversation was a fact finding mission on her part. If people were politely honest, these situations wouldn't happen. There's nothing wrong with saying something isn't for you. She's got caught up with wanting to deliver a big surprise and they are always about the giver. It's telling that she didn't consult your Mum. I'd feel slightly insulted if someone outside the family, thought that we were all too tight to organise something my daughter wanted. I'd want to talk to another close friend, who chipped in and see how it was sold to everyone. There will be other people at the wedding who went into unnatural positions, sitting stiffly, stopped talking etc because they were being filmed. It would be unusual for the video to not have the business's detail on. I'd drop them an email.