Unwanted videographer at my wedding

Agree with this post

I’m with you OP. I’d be so p*ssed off. And what adds to it is you can’t actually tell anyone. Your friend and been very presumptuous and naive but you just have to forgive her for being so stupid. She couldn’t have known and probably thought she was doing the best thing ever.. Maybe biting the bullet and watching will help.

Although I agree with you, changing the flowers or the menu (even to food the bride and groom dont like) would be lesser and more fleeting annoyance than having a videographer thrust upon a camera-shy couple for the whole day.

I agree. I hate having my photograph taken unless it’s something I’ve agreed to. You lose all control over who its shared with, where it can end etc.

And the fact your friend did this on your wedding day without running it past you:(

Would you insert your own preferences into your friends wedding without discussing it or getting permission?

Would you change their menu because you LOVED the one you had?
Would you phone the florist and change the flowers, because you know in your heart that she would like the ones you had, even though she'd already said she wasn't having irises?
Would you change the music that she was going to walk down the aisle to, without telling her, because your music was so lovely?

Come on now. You know you wouldn't. Because it would be an egregious overstep. And this was too.

Agreed. If the friends knew the couple had chosen not to book this service why would they override that choice without checking ??

I totally get why you wouldn't want someone filming you. Some people like the memories but to some its just intrusive and a reminder of a day that was hijacked by a well meaning but insensitive friend. To be honest, she sounds like she was so in love with her experience of a videographer. She didn't listen to you. And just did what she thought she would like. It was irresponsible and a bit of a take over to then get your other guests to chip in without first consulting you, if this is what you and your partner wanted. I am a private person and wouldn't have been able to relax if this happened on what was supposed to be yours and your grooms day. I think you need to tell her how you feel in a polite way. In case she trys to upstage you in future at other events like birthdays or holidays. Unless you have been in your shoes it's easy to say forget it or that you should be glad. Her behavior sounds controlling. Look at other situations she has been involved in. Has she done anything like this before. If not, hopefully in time you will be able to forgive her. But be wary of this type of behaviour. It could be a kind gesture she misread or a pattern of behavior she has to others and yourself

Loads of things happen we don't really want. Like surprise parties. Novelty Xmas gifts. It's how we deal with it that matters. Sounds like OP handled it well on the day.

No!

She absolutely should not lie to them about it.

I would hate this, if I knew someone was videoing me all day I would be completely self conscious and wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. I would definitely let it slip to one or two friends that it wasn't a good idea, if they dont like that then tough, they should have been more considerate, especially if your DH also felt the same way. Totally inappropriate to decide what someone else wants at their wedding!

but you didn't get one forced on you.

I was absolutely adamant I didn’t want a wedding video so we didn’t have one. However we have just celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary and I cannot count the times I have regretted that decision. All the family & friends we have lost over the years I would genuinely love to be able to watch what was the best day off life back and see those faces and show them to our son. You might not feel like it now but you are very lucky to have that.

Nearly 40% (Queensmith, 2024), corporate survey;
12% more severe (Scott & Stafford, 2018), research paper;
over 50% mild (Stafford & Scott, 2016), research paper.
As a research body, this is low significance and indicative only. A full literature search might strengthen the case.

what? from studies?
hilarious

yes, it is like that usually in a forum
not everybody has the same opinion

i agree that accidents can happen but this was deliberate and not only that, the bride is expected to be PLEASED about such a lovely surprise....

oh god another one......

but but surely when you declare that "most people xxx" then you can support your statement? Otherwise why just make something up?

I wouldn't have minded if my friend had turned up with a cake as some loony decided to refresh there perfume right next to our original cake and thus was inedible ..but ye I think a good idea wasn't for you but no need to fall out just pop the video away and forget about it 😊

dont be so argumentative, objective evidence my foot,

Usually good videographers consult with the bride and groom with what they want and what’s important to them. They get value for money then. Also they have to liaise with the vicar where they can position themselves during vows etc so they are not intrusive. They view the church environment and know where best to set up especially for the vows. Certain parts of the ceremony are generally not recorded (usually prayers) but the point I’m making is - it’s discussed and preferences made clear. Your friend assumed quite a lot in either making those decisions for you or by leaving it up the videographer to decide! No wonder they were just bobbing around in your line of site- poor prep!! I play piano for weddings all the time - and often at rehearsals the videographer is there to check out the church venue. However the service and vows are not easy to film without being intrusive. Maybe your friend thought the videographer would have been more sensitive and discrete but a video is by nature in your face. You say she’s normally great - but it does sound very controlling …

Im trying to say "every cloud has a silver lining". I dont buy the idea that on your wedding day it's important that everything goes exactly to plan, to the point where you fixate on something that didnt go to plan. It's not that important.

I didnt even know the footage had been taken TBH because there was a lot going on which is a little different I accept from the OPs experience. However I can't agree that the average person would not treasure footage of a beloved deceased parent having a lovely day.

On the wedding day?????? Surely on that day the bride can say what she wants and (within reason) expect to have it.

you "didn't really" want but you didn't ABSO BLOODY LUTELY not want, also you knew it was going to happen. Not everybody will treasure footage of dead people.