Unwanted videographer at my wedding

I would have absolutely stopped it, but I understand why OP felt she couldn’t.

Someone upthread wondered whether there was something fishy in the arrangement. Now I’m wondering whether the videographer was a friend of a friend who benefited from the arrangement.

Also, at no time did videographer converse with op, and give op their details which it s a bit suspicious.

Finally, , I’ve been looking at video prices £1000-£ 1500 seems standard but it can be double that. That’s alot of money wasted.

Me too. I’d have been furious. You have my complete sympathies. I hate having my photo taken and tend to do the uncomfortable, ugly face whenever anyone does. I hate looking at photos other people have taken of me. At my wedding, a very small affair abroad, I reluctantly had a photographer, a bit like you we asked him to stay in the background and not be in our faces. My DH and I looked at the photos when we got back and I hated every single one and wish we hadn’t bothered. He wasn’t impressed either. They’re on a disc somewhere in a drawer I think, we never looked at them again and don’t want to. That was 15 years ago. Our wedding was wonderful and my memories of it more than enough. I’d have lost my shit in your position. A friend who didn’t check something like this with the bride and groom before arranging it is thinking more about herself and her preferences than yours. Weddings aren’t cheap and are supposed to be that one special day, having a videographer is a personal choice and certainly not everyone’s preference. She has intruded on your special day and totally overstepped inflicting her preference on you tbh.

If it is at a private event where the op has a reasonable expectation of privacy, and the videographer is making money from op’s images without consent, they may be on dodgy ground with the data protection act 2018.

Personally I feel you’re being precious. Your friend meant well, let it go.

"nope but I belive in choice and don't say that people need therapy for exercising that choice."

It's more than just a choice not to have a video this time. The groom never likes having his photo taken. This will affect his family all along their lives.

Your friend is an interfering dickhead

i would not be happy

so instead of money towards a honeymoon, your friends have donated to a video you didnt want

Your friend missed the mark but I don’t think she necessarily did anything wrong. Your reaction is over the top. Maybe next time someone raves about something you should speak your mind - why do you consider this to be rude? You weren’t giving a negative opinion about her wedding by saying ‘love that for you, but honestly Dave and I have chosen not to have one’! Can’t imagine not having an honest (normal!) conversation like that with my friends. And clearly no one knows about your complete phobia or your closest friends would have said - videography is not something I think she’ll like.

Totally over the top reaction.

nope but I belive in choice and don't say that people need therapy for exercising that choice.

Neither are you!

good job you aren't in charge then!

Not outrageous at all because anyone can walk into a wedding ceremony in a church.

What consent do they need to film in a public place in the UK?

No, I think the first comment was correct. It's not normal to have such a strong reaction to being photographed. It's something that will continue to happen through life and avoiding photos affects other people. I really believe people who can't be photographed need to have therapy.

This doesn’t even make sense 🤔
when did this fundraising start? This must have taken some effort to co-ordinate? How did she have the contact details of family members if she’s a friend? And NOT ONE person told you?
these people are usually booked in advance, so she booked them, did the fundraising well in advance, contacted all these people and no one said a thing even on your day. Yet everyone who knows you, knows about your dislike for videos? Hmmmm

This post has nothing to do with MILs.

Why are you bringing MILs into it?

Why would MY response have been different?

This is obviously an absolutely bonkers thing to do. But some people cannot comprehend that anyone would think about things differently to them. Your friend thinks that anyone would love a videographer because she did. After the WTF feelings have faded, the best way to make peace with this is to feel lucky that you have friends that would all spend so much money because they want you to have lovely memories.

I am also someone who did not want a photographer at our wedding. We picked the most unobtrusive "documentary style" photographer we could find and she got the balance exactly right. The photos were perfect. I like to think I would have lost my mind if my friends had hired a videographer but I probably would have just had a silent seeth and posted on mumsnet.

That said, I only got married 10 years ago and I would love to see a video now. I know it's 2025 and we've got more photos etc than ever before. But, in the last 10 years we've lost family and one close friend and it turns out that in this situation there isn't such a thing as too many pictures or videos

Tell your friend! I can’t imagine a true friend doing that without checking with you. It’s rude, intrusive and overbearing. I’d have been furious. She’s basically taken over part of your wedding unasked - and with something you actively dislike.

What if your friend had fish and chips from a van at her wedding, mentioned it to you and you said No, you’re not having that, you’re having a 3 course gourmet meal - and then as you and your guests are just sitting down to eat, your friend swans in with carrier bags of fish and chips wrapped in newspaper! You’d be horrified, and rightly so. It’s equally justified to be angry about this. It’s not just the videographer, which you dislike on principle, it’s the way she took over your day, and had the gall to make your other friends pay for her idiocy.

Who’d do that?

It will eat away at you and sour things. Tell her. If she’s upset, then that’s her fault for doing something without asking. I’d be pointing out that while she might be upset, she’s not as upset as you and your family.

I’d be furious about this. But I would have stopped it. I’m amazed that you didn’t speak up.

YANBU OP.

I understand what you mean. The photographers (married couple) we had did amazing photos for other couples which was why we chose them and the photos they did for our engagement were just lovely.

But on our wedding day they were so intrusive and even though I'd told them they could go after the wedding breakfast they didn't..they were really in your face and distracting which was what I didn't want. I wanted more natural photos of the day, people enjoying themselves etc.

We had a few famous guests and our wedding (I work in the music industry) and they hassled them non stop taking photos (I'd told the togs not to do that beforehand) and they were a pain in the arse. Even at midnight they were still there snapping away..

The best bit? Our photos were fucking awful, just so bad, there isn't one photo they took that we would want to put in a frame and I don't understand how they could take such beautiful engagement photos and such horrible wedding photos. The only physical photos we have are of us on the day are candid ones the guests took.
I can't even bring myself to look at the shit our togs took.

I feel for you op, especially as they were interrupting you being fully at peace when saying your vows.

I would also address this with the videographer, and if you need to get the number from her, so be it. You can be vague depending on your level of comfort.

You raise a good point about DC being there. Without her knowledge there could well have been children there who should not have been filmed for safeguarding reasons.

“Hi friend, any chance I can get the number for the videographer please?”

”Why? Confidentiality [mumbles] safeguarding”

Then ask videographer to explain his/her consent procedures and ask how they will make amends.

YANBU. Truly thoughtful gifts are about the recipient, not the giver. I'd be pissed off about the wedding, but also the fact that loads of close friends had banded together to give me something that I thought some of them knew I'd hate.

It's ultimately a judgement call for you as to whether you can brush it off or whether you'll feel like a liar with your friends if you don't say something. If you do, just emphasise that you don't want to hold a grudge or lose their friendship, only that you can't pretend you were thrilled to see the videographer. If they're good friends they'll understand.

I’m missing the point completely I know but I also didn’t want/have a videographer at our wedding.. 13 years ago. Desperately regret it now. I asked my DDad to keep his speech (he had it written down) but he forgot and he died 3 years ago and I would cherish a video of him saying nice things about me now.
op you may feel differently at some point in the future about the video of your closest people.

banjomonkey loved my wedding. It was exactly what I wanted. I spent a lot of time planning it and I am really happy about how it all went^^

Keep this this major point in mind and put the rest aside and don’t dwell on other things.

You loved your wedding and you were really happy about how it went.

Lots of people are saying that you are over-reacting. You are not. I would also have hated that, however I would have also been able to say to the friend that had and enjoyed a videographer at her wedding that I would rather stick pins in my eyes. Just because she enjoyed it, doesn't mean that you should, or that by not wanting that, you are undermining or minimising her enjoyment of it. I think it's a real shame and I would be really upset by this, especially if it was a substitute for actual gifts! Mind you, I was sad when I was given green saucepans for my wedding rather than the blue ones I'd coveted, even though I'd said "either or".....(I got married a long time ago! If I got married now, I wouldn't be asking for bloody saucepans!!!) Don't let it spoil your memories of the day, there are plenty more good memories to be made :)