Unwanted videographer at my wedding

I told her I wasn’t having one, and was totally fine about that.

I'd love to have heard the conversations, because this sentence doesn't mean it was a actual decision not to have one...

Completely different as saying " I chose/ prefer/ decided not to have one, the photographer is what I wanted".

Obviously it wasn't obvious someone would pay for one as a present, but it doesn't sound as "bitchy" as posters want to make it.

Who among us can honestly say that we've never arranged for a videographer or photographer to surprise the bride and groom at the altar on their wedding day?

Every single person with a basic grasp of "appropriateness", I'd expect...

So we go from the friend offering a badly-thought present, to a CF who only wanted to ruin the wedding, destroy the bride's life and pocket the money herself.

It did take a few pages to get there at least!

It doesn't affect anyone else.

Weird reaction? Is this a sham marriage? Do you have other partners? The guests will have been videoing with their mobile phones so why you’re bothered about professional photos is strange. If it’s some sort of anxiety maybe you shouldn’t of put on a show and eloped

Really inappropriate to arrange something like this without your consent. I think it’s a common mistake of people assuming that their preferences are the other people’s preferences. The lady who’s mum painted her a lounge an awful colour while she was in having her baby in hospital as a surprise springs to mind. Some people genuinely believe that their tastes and preferences are “right” and can’t seem to entertain the possibility that anyone could like or want anything different to them.

Try not to dwell on it and let it become the focus of your memories of your special day. A wedding doesn’t actually matter, what matters is marrying the right person. My MIL videoed our wedding, with our permission. I’ve never watched the tape. And given that it’s old enough to actually be a tape, I’m not sure how I would watch it now. Maybe my kids will find it one day and be pleased to have the opportunity to watch it.

Therapy! How ridiculous

Some of the posts on here are more unhinged than the CF friend in question

Here you are. AI explains it better than I can:

Wedding videographers must be cognizant of several key aspects of the Data Protection Act 2018 (DPA 2018) as they handle personal data during weddings. Here are the main points to consider:
Key Principles of Data Protection
The DPA 2018 is grounded in several essential principles outlined in the UK GDPR, which wedding videographers must adhere to when processing personal data:

1. Lawfulness, Fairness, and Transparency: Personal data must be processed legally and transparently, meaning videographers should inform clients about how their data (videos) will be used.
2. Purpose Limitation: Data collected must only be for specified, legitimate purposes and must not be processed in a manner incompatible with those purposes.
3. Data Minimization: Only collect data necessary for the stated purpose. For wedding videography, this means filming and storing footage relevant to what was agreed upon with clients.
4. Accuracy: Personal data should be accurate and kept up to date. This applies to capturing names and details during interviews or conversations at weddings.
5. Storage Limitation: Personal data should not be kept for longer than necessary. For example, videographers should have a policy for how long footage is retained after a wedding.
6. Integrity and Confidentiality: Adequate security measures must be in place to protect personal data from unauthorized access or breaches.

• Personal Data Definition: The Act defines personal data as any information that relates to an identified or identifiable individual. For videographers, this includes not just names but also video footage that identifies individuals.
• Obtaining Consent: Videographers should obtain clear consent from individuals being filmed, especially if the video will be shared publicly (e.g., social media). A robust consent form outlining how the footage will be used can help ensure compliance
• 2
• .
• Special Category Data: If filming sensitive data (e.g., religious ceremonies, special events), additional protections may be necessary, and explicit consent is required to process this data
• 2
• .

• Right to Access: Individuals can request access to their personal data. Videographers need a system to manage such requests.
• Right to Erasure: Individuals have the right to request deletion of their data. There should be a clear policy on how this is handled
• 2
• .
• Right to Object: Individuals can object to processing their data for certain purposes, including marketing or if they do not feel comfortable appearing in promotional materials.

"Many people hate being photographed. It's nobody's business but theirs."

It affects other people though.
Also, they should consider therapy for their own good.

What a ridiculous response. Many people hate being photographed. It's nobody's business but theirs.

I think people who fail to have any grasp that not everyone thinks like them need to have therapy.

Everyone in the video is the 'subject'. If you're talking about the law around filming, it's no worse to film the bride and groom than to film anyone else present at the wedding, isn't it?
I do think it's a bit odd to hire someone without the bride and groom's permission, but I doubt there is a law that everything needs to be done by the bride and groom. There are still weddings organised by the bride's parents.

What a ridiculous comment. Many people don't like being photographed and it's no one's business but theirs.

That was me. I am wondering if the OP's friend got a cut of the money all these friends chipped in (suspicious mind).

It’s got ‘dodgy as fuck’ written all over it, in other words? I can see your point.

I think you should tell your friend it was a gift you never wanted and while you appreciate the gesture she got it wrong. Say you feel she needs to know it was overstepping as you are concerned she may do the same to someone else.

Because she will do it to someone else OP, from her perspective she had a videographer she loved and will be thinking you did too!

Also, you need to speak to your friend and tell her that you need to see the video before anyone else does (including her, so she cannot share it). Therefore you need the details of the videographer.

Then you embarago the whole thing. If she asks, you say you weren't happy with it, or your dh wasn't happy with it. Or that it included pictures of [distant family] children who couldn't be identified....

I don’t know what the right thing to do in this situation but just wanted to say your feelings about photos & videos aren’t that weird!

Our wedding is in September and we brought our legal ceremony forward to February just been due to personal circumstances. For both, we had/will have candid photographers because we don’t like having our photos taken! We’ve got friends that are getting married before us who kindly kept offering to film our wedding for us or to link us up with their videographer - it’s so kind they care but we’re just not those people.

Alternatively OP could politely explain she didn’t ask for the film, didn’t want it, and have it deleted. No need to lose a friend, if anything friend should apologise.

OP, I completely understand how you feel. Not exactly the same scenario but…..

Videos weren’t a thing when I got married and the agreement with the Vicar was no cameras past the church door, which my husband and I were in agreement with. We have a lovely professional photo of us leaving the church, taken in the porch, but there were none in the church. The Vicar himself audio recorded the service and we listened to that a few times (mainly for the music).

However, one of my father’s friends took it upon himself to ‘anonymously’ pay the bill for the church, organist and choir. I’m sure it was meant kindly but it still, after 48 years, annoys me. I/we would have preferred a ‘proper’ present from him and his wife, and to have paid for our wedding ourselves. I don’t know if he didn’t realise it would be obvious to us it was him by the fact that he knew the Vicar and he and his wife didn’t give us a regular present.

We still have presents we use which we treasure and remember the givers kindly. This non-gift and taking some of our ownership of our day away still niggles. In theory we couldn’t even thank him.

I can’t advise you but I wanted to say not to feel the people saying you are over dramatic, should put it behind you, etc. etc. are right. Only you know your feelings and maybe you will calm them in time, maybe not.

In the meantime, have a wonderful marriage and remember that’s the important thing, the wedding is ‘just’ a day, albeit an important one, but the main thing is the marriage.

Find a way to make lemonade. Watch the video on your one month anniversary, watch it on your one year anniversary, and so on. Watch it with your children when they come and are of age. One day you may be very glad that you have that video!

Well, this guy turned up and videoed a wedding without the Bride or Groom's consent and presumably made money out of his actions by charging her friend for his services and product. So he made money without the subjects’ consent.

@banjomonkey I totally understand. When I got married I wanted to carry with me my imagined fairytale as I 'glided' down the aisle... NOT the reality of me being clumpy and awkward, or grining inanely, or crying snottily.

I'd IMMEDIATELY tell the vidoegrapher that you didn't commision their work, that you do not give them any permission to share it or show it (nor to share it with the person who organised it, nor to put it anywhere on their own website). Tell them that it was Without Your Permission, and that you will report them to GDPR if they share it, with anyone.

If your organising friend, or any others who contributed, ask about it, tell them that it wasn't part of your plan - sorry.

Well you could throw away the video, shout at and lose a friend and stew about the waste of money. Alternatively you could accept your friend meant well, forget about the money (you aren’t going to get it back) and let it go.
My sister had her wedding videoed without her consent when she watched the video she actually loved it, seeing little details she had missed, sweet things people had said, funny things guests had done and lovely memories of people who are no longer with us.
You are currently causing yourself a huge amount of unnecessary pain to no useful end.

This is typical of someone trying to push their own wants and needs (usually to be glorified by others) onto someone else and dressing it up as generosity and kindness.
It drives me absolutely mad. I’d feel exactly the same as you OP, regardless whether it was a videographer or a bloody trapeze artist. It wasn’t for your benefit at all. I’m so sorry your wedding day was spoiled. I have no advice but your feelings are 100% valid imo.

Is the videographer making money out of it? I presume he/she was paid for their services so do not need to make extra money.
A private event in a hotel or something is still in public isn't it? And people can film when they're in public.