Am I intolerant and unreasonable or would you also find this infuriating?

I’m guessing you never noticed any of this before you had a child with him?

😂 me too, phew

My DH is like this, the man was head of a large and quite prestigious University dept. He is like a brilliant snail. Over almost 30 years I have said ‘stop schlepping about’ more times than I care to mention. I think he is time blind and genuinely struggles to do thing quickly. He always has the first shower, myself the second, I am almost always ready at the same time and I need to blow dry my hair and sometimes chuck on some make up. I have been pretty harsh and said he was very lucky to be born so clever is he had not been he would have starved to death if he had to function in the regular world and not academia.

Due to other significant traits I have observed he probably has a form of ADHD. I walk in the kitchen and it’s like the scene out of The Sixth Sense where the ghost has opened every kitchen cupboard and drawer.

Mine is the opposite, always in a hurry, we get in the car,he's ready to drive off before I even get my seatbelt on. He walks really fast, I actually have to jog to keep up.. went shopping today, his usual big rush, I haven't got my phone,that I need for the app. Often something gets forgotten.

Maybe a hot poker 😬

There is a time and place for chill. I’d go mad if this was the pace of everyday life. Especially the eating at 930pm…

How is he trying to control the family but the OP is not? (I don't think either of them are FWIW but I also can't understand how you could possibly apply that judgement to one of them but not the other)

I wouldn't put up with it, personally 😀 Give him a literal kick up the arse 😂

Has he always been like this?

For the most part this is just different horses, different courses. I can understand why you find it infuriating but surely this can’t be new? It sounds like you’re probably just incompatible, no-one is unreasonable. There’s a downside to both - doing everything at a million miles per hour, like a bull in a china shop, is also annoying. If you dislike him as much as it sounds, I’d maybe have a serious think / talk about the relationship.

It must be exhausting seeing conniving malice in other people's basic personalities.

May as well say that people who rush around chivvying people into being efficient are being more literally controlling.

Or just accept that people have different modes of being?

I have ADHD and I'm like the OP - doing lots of things very quickly. My DD has ADHD and she's like OPs DH, can't get organised, does everything slowly, forgets bits, goes back, forgets why she went back...

It's not ADHD, it's personality. Some people have a slow, take life as it comes, way of doing things. Mums tend to have to do three things at once and it makes us more speedy, because generally you can't have kids and take life at a comfortable pace.

You might find, OP, that you meet in the middle again once your DD is older and you don't have to do so much for and with her.

Are you having an affair with my partner!? 🤣 I could have written this. We call him Mr Soft on account of the pace and amble!!!

I had a similar thought. He is doing it on purpose maybe to slow everything down lol? Annoying though.

I voted YABU because BOTH of you would stress me out.

My DH is worse! He's really slow...until last minute when he gets all stressed and efficient. I'm the contrary ; quite anxious and can't support stress so I plan and do everything in advance so that I can stay calm..when Im not with DH!

OMG my best friend and my big sister can both be like this. My friend is capable of getting a move on, but doesn't see the urgency most of the time (I suspect this is because she generally has to do the chivvying of her faffy kids, and wants to relax a bit when she's around me), but my sister has always been incredibly thorough, but also very slow. It's just how she is, so if one needs a task done very carefully and precisely, and there is time, one gives it to my sister, and if one needs 20 tasks done "well enough" under great time pressure, one gives them to me. If we were in the same field of work, we'd probably complement each other very well, but it can be a touch frustrating when e.g. trying to cook a meal together.

I always think that of Comic Book characters, "The Flash" must be the most frustrated, because everyone else around him is so slow-moving! But then again, he probably doesn't feel pressured to sort out everyone else's life admin for them...

This would drive me crazy but like you I'm very quick and I know my partner finds it hard to keep up with me. I do try to slow down on the unimportant things to even it out a bit but some things do need a bit more urgency 🫠

Why don't you have separate nappies for the car and a pack for home? That would eliminate one of those stresses right away😮

Cant' stand ditherers, would drive me nuts!

I get on my own nerves now, I am so slow, I am 75, never been super fast, but now I have arthritis and brain fog! My dog is like OP raring to go at top speed all the time, getting out for a walk, is torture! I put my dog in the car first, for the drive to the country park. Then I can get ready in peace and be sure I haven't forgotten anything vital.

So, a tip for your husband, put your wife in the car before you start, it's easier to get ready without someone snapping at your heels, and pressuring you to hurry!

“Fuck arses” I’m using that!

So I have bipolar and more hyper/manic than “normal” people. Saying that, most people would just say I’m very quick and can get a lot done. My H on the other hand is like yours. Jeeeeezuz. I’m constantly getting stuck behind him in the house as he ambles around taking his sweet time and I’m jogging side to side to overtake him while one of the kids is wailing.
He genuinely takes forever to do anything. If it was up to him we’d never leave the house or get anything done. If he does go out with the kids “for an hour or so” he is out for hours and hours and I’ll have dinner ready and he’s nowhere in sight. No sense of urgency at all. And don’t get me started on the poo just as we are about to leave and how long it takes him to put his shoes on or off.
i deal with it by just doing everything myself. I don’t ask him for anything because it’s quicker and easier getting it myself. Make decisions before you leave, set timers, reminders etc. Do it to your timing and he will have to keep up. If he doesn’t then do it alone. I’m not suggesting everyone is as fast as I am but it’s so aggravating when you need urgent help and they’re faffing and need micro managing. Effin useless.

He is who he is, OP, and he very likely won’t change. You’re just different people and you either put up with it or you don’t. Please don’t allow your annoyance to rub off on your daughter.

It would drive me mad. But I’m aware that at times, I can be too “right! Let’s get it done!!” when there’s no actual need to rush through everything. Your pub example, why can’t he talk about options before driving off - if there’s a decision to be made, it doesn’t make sense to start driving before you decide where you’re going.

But yes, ultimately, I’d have killed him