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AIBU?

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Original poster

Putting a four and a half year old in nappies

37 replies

ontheirown · 19/06/2025 07:38

Honestly, this doesn’t sit easily with me.

Potty training DS was by no means a straightforward process and he was still having daily accidents for around a year. Recently they’ve ramped up again and dealing with the laundry and mess is getting to me a bit.

I have been reading Janet Lansbury and her recommendation is very much along the lines of ‘I can see you’re having trouble using the toilet, so we’re going to use nappies.’ But he’ll be starting school soon and I can’t have him start in nappies.

He isn’t constipated and I honestly think it’s laziness.

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheirown · 19/06/2025 08:46

Thanks for replies. It’s been both soiled and wet accidents and honestly I’m pretty sure it’s him just not bothering to go to the toilet. He’s become very guarded about going - gets very annoyed if you offer to help - so will often say he’s gone and I’m not sure he has.

My suspicion is he’s drinking a lot more than normal in the hot weather and he is therefore needing to go and wee more often. And can’t always be bothered!

OP posts:
Butterflyarms · 19/06/2025 08:36

I would do timed toileting - make a note of when he is peeing and then take him to the toilet at those intervals. Maybe he is caught up in play, or maybe he is 'lazy' but punishing him won't fix this: proactive management will. Also, is he drinking more because of the hot weather, in which case, take him to the loo more regularly.

Geneticsbunny · 19/06/2025 08:22

Are you 100% sure he isn't impacted? Thats when they have a lump of hard poo stuck and just soft poo comes out as it can squidge round the lump. It means that they can't feel when they need to go and often have poo and /or wee accidents.

I would have a read of the Eric continence website.

IwasDueANameChange · 19/06/2025 08:17

Oh and persevere as well as growth spurts can cause regressions, at this time of year kids grow a lot. He will get back on track.

IwasDueANameChange · 19/06/2025 08:16

It can 100% be laziness, especially with boys

  1. ensure that an accident results in more disruption to playing than going to the loo does - stop the game, make a big fuss of sorting it out
  2. involve them in the cleaning up - they have to help wipe up a puddle or put clothes in the wash.
  3. if they have an accident, whatever they were playing at the time stops. This is particularly relevant for anything involving a screen - the screen goes off if you can't drag yourself away from it to go to the loo
  4. make it a game - toilet targets to pee at
  5. rewards. Choc button for every pee that goes in the loo. If they need a bigger incentive - buttons in a jar , when you have twenty you get a toy etc
  6. cut out all squash and be careful about fruits that can irritate bladder (citrus etc)
  7. allow them to pee in the garden etc when only 4
CreationNat1on · 19/06/2025 08:05

Woops, no I ld say he was 5 or maybe 6.

Plenty of fibre helps to regulate, cut down on dairy too.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/06/2025 08:04

Poo accidents?
You need to rule out any clinical issues. First stop is your GP. Once you have more info, you can make a plan.

My instinct is to say that nappies would be a retrograde step.

MidnightPatrol · 19/06/2025 08:00

CreationNat1on · 19/06/2025 07:44

It might just be laziness. My now 16 year old was very difficult to train. He saw me one day washing out his soiled underwear, I couldn't put it straight into washing machine. All of a sudden he realised someone had to wash his dirty underwear, and he miraculously was much more committed.

The way this is phrased, makes it sound like he was 16 when he saw you washing and had this revelation 🤣

Emma543 · 19/06/2025 07:46

Yes I’d go to GP just to rule anything out specifically with it getting worse recently

CreationNat1on · 19/06/2025 07:44

It might just be laziness. My now 16 year old was very difficult to train. He saw me one day washing out his soiled underwear, I couldn't put it straight into washing machine. All of a sudden he realised someone had to wash his dirty underwear, and he miraculously was much more committed.

CommissarySushi · 19/06/2025 07:44

Agree with the first poster. It's not laziness at 4 years old.

Stepintomyshoes · 19/06/2025 07:41

I think you need to take him to the doctor to rule out an issue; I don’t think ‘laziness’ cuts it at 4.5 years old, especially if previously toilet trained. Something physical or psychological is going on here.