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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for saying dd14 has to have a hobby

192 replies

Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 21:59

She has a hobby she moans about constantly she would quite happily give it up -
however my rule is she either has to have a hobby or do volunteer work - if I didn't have this rule she'd be in bed or up the park half the time
she absolutely refuses to do a lot else
because of this she just stays at this hobby she says she hates rather than trying something new

if I give suggestions she says I'm overwhelming her

I really am struggling with the complete la l of motivation she has to do anything

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 18/06/2025 22:09

You can’t make people enjoy themselves. I had a friend with a mother like you when I was her age. She was beyond jealous because I was allowed to spend the majority of my time with my head in a book.

Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:08

Dryshampoofordays · 18/06/2025 22:04

I never had a hobby or volunteered, and I do find it hard to know what to do with myself when the kids are in bed now that I’m grown up! Encouraging her to have interests is great but I wonder if pressuring her to do something she doesn’t want to do will have the opposite effect you’re hoping for. Would she prefer hobbies at home? Cooking/painting?

Tried that when I tell you this girl has no other interest other than talking to her friends on snap chat or meeting them down the park I really am not lying. The hell I have to go through to get her to ecen tidy her room is insane!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:06

AmberTurtles · 18/06/2025 22:04

Poor lass. Cool your jets and allow her to have time to herself. It's essential to her mental and physical health especially at her age.

She has more than enough time to her self - I can't understand why it's cruel to want her to enjoy something that isn't tik tok or Snapchat

OP posts:
Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 18/06/2025 22:06

Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:03

Well this is the thing she doesn't think anything is fun! Everything I try to organise or do she hates this wa stage last thing she liked and now saying she hates it.

Show quote history

I think you’re going a great job. A lot of parents could do well to copy you.

SpookyMcTaggart · 18/06/2025 22:06

This is ridiculous- she doesn't have to have a hobby, nor does she have to volunteer. You can't make rules and force people to be motivated, the motivation has to come from inside. Back off and give her some space to find out what really interests her.

Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:05

Confrontayshunme · 18/06/2025 22:03

Totally agree. Yanbu. I have the same problem. Schools, work and training programmes in 5 years will all require some commitment to...anything. but what 14 yo wants to think about that? Their brains aren't developed yet.

I wish I could find something she likes but she turns her nose up at absolutely everything - If I said ok leave she would just sit in her room and eat me out of house and home! I'm genuinely worried she doesn't seem to like anything

OP posts:
Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 18/06/2025 22:05

AmberTurtles · 18/06/2025 22:04

Poor lass. Cool your jets and allow her to have time to herself. It's essential to her mental and physical health especially at her age.

Just because she has a hobby why do you think she has no time to herself?? It may only be one or two evenings a week….

curious79 · 18/06/2025 22:04

Stick with your plan to insist she does something. It’s what she’s always known. Loosen this and it’ll be a slippery slope to your teen being in their room all day doing f’all

Dryshampoofordays · 18/06/2025 22:04

I never had a hobby or volunteered, and I do find it hard to know what to do with myself when the kids are in bed now that I’m grown up! Encouraging her to have interests is great but I wonder if pressuring her to do something she doesn’t want to do will have the opposite effect you’re hoping for. Would she prefer hobbies at home? Cooking/painting?

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 18/06/2025 22:04

BIossomtoes · 18/06/2025 22:00

Why does she have to have a hobby? Or volunteer?

So she doesn’t sit around like a lazy thoughtless screen junky destroying her mental health and not being of any use to anyone.

AmberTurtles · 18/06/2025 22:04

Poor lass. Cool your jets and allow her to have time to herself. It's essential to her mental and physical health especially at her age.

Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:03

Pineapples123 · 18/06/2025 22:02

It doesn’t sound like much of a hobby if she doesn’t enjoy it? Aren’t hobbies supposed to be fun?

Well this is the thing she doesn't think anything is fun! Everything I try to organise or do she hates this wa stage last thing she liked and now saying she hates it.

OP posts:
Confrontayshunme · 18/06/2025 22:03

Totally agree. Yanbu. I have the same problem. Schools, work and training programmes in 5 years will all require some commitment to...anything. but what 14 yo wants to think about that? Their brains aren't developed yet.

Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:02

I don't have any family to help her dads not around no siblings no family to visit so she can be very isolated

OP posts:
Pineapples123 · 18/06/2025 22:02

It doesn’t sound like much of a hobby if she doesn’t enjoy it? Aren’t hobbies supposed to be fun?

Original poster
Isntitisntitisntit · 18/06/2025 22:02

Because as I said if she doesn't she won't do anything else - aside from sit in her room on tik Tok all day or argue with me about how she's not cleaning her room or not doing her homework

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 18/06/2025 22:00

Why does she have to have a hobby? Or volunteer?