To not want my DH’s birthday present?

56 replies

LovelyBranches · 18/06/2025 21:56

In my 20s my father passed away suddenly in front of me and I had PTSD from his death. I’ve had therapy and years of trying to challenge myself because I had lost the ability to listen to music or tolerate loud noises. Now I’m able to, but I’m very choosy and tend to stick to music I’ve always known.

Last year DH wanted to go to a gig and invited me along with him, but when I got to the outdoor venue it was unbelievably packed and I hated the crowd, hated the music and felt completely overwhelmed. I left DH to enjoy the night with his friends. It really set me back because I felt I had made so much progress and realised that I hadn’t. DH and I talked about all of these feelings after the gig so he is completely aware of how I felt.

However this year for my 40th DH has got my tickets to see Chappell Roan in Reading festival and to be honest I was utterly horrified to receive it. I have liked some of her music which I know is unusual for me, but the thought of being in a field all day, unable to get away from loud noises and having to deal with huge, noisy, busy crowds is really frightening to me. I’ve never been to a festival before and the videos I’ve seen online make me quite worried. Also, we have very little childcare and going away overnight is always a challenge. We live nowhere near Reading.

I feel like DH got me a present which he’d like for himself. I didn’t get much for my birthday and I had told him of a sentimental item that I had wanted, but he didn’t get.

WIBU to not go?

OP posts:

Drummend01 · 18/06/2025 22:04

It wasn’t his smartest move but maybe because it’s an artist you like, whereas the last concert you said you hated the music, he thought you’d enjoy it more. Still it is a silly move and it’s completely reasonable to feel hurt that he doesn’t seem to have really thought it through. Ultimately you need to speak to him and say why you’re hurt and that you don’t want to go. And if he suggests that he go with a friend instead then I would be quite firm that actually no, it would be very insensitive to go to your birthday present without you and he should resell the tickets (through the proper websites so it’s legit of course)

Impastmysellbydate · 18/06/2025 22:04

I think given he knows you wouldn't like the present anyway then you should ask.him to sell the tickets and buy you something else that you would like.

It seems selfish and thoughtless of him to say this is your birthday present and I would be wondering why he has done this.

Original poster

LovelyBranches · 18/06/2025 22:03

DorothyStorm · 18/06/2025 21:59

Given he knows you would hate it, I wonder if his actual plan is to go with a friend…

I did ask him this and he said that he genuinely thought I’d want to go, and that he got excited to hear that Chappell Roan was coming to the UK and that he thought I’d love it.

OP posts:

whynotmereally · 18/06/2025 22:03

It may be he thought because you liked the music it would be a good place to try and over come your fear. Thank him amd explain you want to sell the tickets if he suggests he uses them offer him market value for them

ThatGladTiger · 18/06/2025 22:02

Yes the festival can get busy, but if you stay on the edge of the crowd you will still be able to hear and see the artists, and have space to walk around in.

That’s what I do at festivals, it’s too hectic in the crowd for me. I find a nice spot on the edge and chill!

If you go early you can acclimatise before the headliners go on! It’s quite chilled in the day. Just avoid the huge crowds that are near the front of the stages.

DorothyStorm · 18/06/2025 21:59

Given he knows you would hate it, I wonder if his actual plan is to go with a friend…

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