DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

I tried to grab the balls of my over affectionate DH in the supermarket once. It put an end to everything. Magic!

So you’ve told him you feel embarrassed and he is still doing it… that says it all
He doesn’t really care how you feel as long as he gets to do what he wants….total lack of respect for you. Ditch him.

What?! Thats not touchy feely, that’s humiliating and cringeworthy. You need to lay it on the line - noone thinks this behaviour is nice or affectionate, its embarassing and shows lack of respect for you.

FOJN He sees you as an accessory to inspire jealousy in others and he's marking his territory to let everyone know you're his possession.

This.

We frequently hold hands or link arms (though now we're of an age that we sometimes do it to stop one from falling over 😂) We will also give each other a peck if we're out & one goes to the loo. Recently, while walking the dog in the park, I pulled him onto a bench for a snog - because we haven't done that since we were dating.

Many years ago (we would have been early 20's) DH & me were in WH Smiths browsing the magazines. I moved along the shelves. DH tapped my bum & said 'shall we go & have a coffee now gorgeous' only for a strange middle aged woman to answer 'I'll just go & ask my husband if it's OK first'

Poor DH was devastated - he apologised & said that he thought she was his wife & stood there calling for me as he needed to produce said wife. Luckily she saw the funny side of it & said that she was rather flattered as she hadn't been called gorgeous for years. 😂

Maybe try to open the conversation with “When you show affection in this way, I actually feel embarrassed, disrespected and that I like you less. I’m assuming that’s not the message you’re aiming for. Can we agree another way of doing this so that your need to be affectionate in public is met, and my need to not feel upset and unvalued also gets met.”

(I know ‘do that again and expect a divorce’ would be what I would want to say too, but we’re trying here.)

It’s nice he’s attracted to you, but I would absolutely die if my partner did this.

My ex used to do this so I’d chase him to put my finger up his arse.

he hated it. I’d remind him that I hate being sexually assaulted too.

luckily he’s an ex and my DH shows me respect.

'who he is' as a person stops at your body. He doesn't get to use you like this. Your body isn't a tool for his self expression. It's profoundly disrespectful that he continues to behave this way when you have asked him not to.

Married or not - no one should ever touch your body unless you want them to.

you need to be firm about this.

Any relationship where one suppresses their need and boundaries so as not to upset the other is at a minimum toxic and probably controlling and abusive

his needs do not trump yours especially around the autonomy or your body

‘GET DOWN SHEP!’ every time he starts acting like a badly behaved dog.

My actual response would be to say in an aggressive tone that I do not like that and if you do it again in public this would be the end of our relationship becuase I have asked once and i will not ask again.
Whether that is the right or wrong way to deal with it, ai don't know. But that is what I would do and also I would follow through.

@RachSmit It's your body and your choice. I would absolutely insist on this.

But, I think that he already doesn't understand about body autonomy and is taking the piss.

No one is jealous.

Any witnesses are thinking that poor woman, what is she doing with such a juvenile creep?

You've asked him to stop multiple times.
He ignores you.
He doesn't listen to you.
He doesn't respect you or your boundaries.

Why do you tolerate it? Most women wouldn't.

Your life is not an episode of Benny Hill OP. How about asking him to be a bit more Mr Darcy and a little less dickhead.

Absolutely unacceptable. He's deliberately doing it to show that you are 'his' property. He might as well be pissing up your leg as humping it.

I'd sit down tonight and say to him VERY clearly 'I do not want to be touched in public in any kind of way other than you holding my hand if we are walking together. If you do this adolescent groping one more time I will end the relationship and walk away. Do you understand this, because I've raised it before and you aren't listening. This is a deal breaker to me'.

Have you slapped his arse back in public or tried to grab his balls?!

FFS don't recommend she does that!

I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

He sees you as an accessory to inspire jealousy in others and he's marking his territory to let everyone know you're his possession. He's a pig.

I'd dump him but if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt you could tell him one more time that he has to stop. If he gets upset you know he prioritises his feelings over yours and you can then decide if you're willing to put up with that.

Op, I work in the arena of stopping VAWG and this is considered sexual harassment. You are being abused. Take it seriously

Ewwwwwwwwww

Why would anyone be jealous of that? Literally anyone could do it but people don't because no one likes it

Urgh. I had a BF like this when I was a student. It was pretty annoying then but at least we were young and typically surrounded by other students who were generally pretty feral too. As a grown up - hard no.

How about talking to him and say please can you tone it down a bit.

My husband and I are affectionate in public. Hold hands whilst walking, even a little kiss sometimes (not a full blown snog, I'm hasten to add!). However, he doesn't slap my arse in public or pretend to hump me!! I would be embarrassed. Is your husband trying to 'mark' his territory, because it's like a Tom cat spraying, to say 'this is mine'?!!! Have you slapped his arse back in public or tried to grab his balls?! I ask, because perhaps you need too, so he can see how uncomfortable and inappropriate it is?! Of course, it could backfire spectacularly, and he enjoys it! You need to have a honest conversation with him, tell him you don't mind holding hands or a kiss in public but the rest is over the top and makes you feel like a piece of meat, especially as you've told him before and he's ignored you.

Im sorry, humping you in public?! Is he a fucking In Betweener?