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Original poster

DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

186 replies

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 17:19

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 18/06/2025 18:20

He's is doing it so everyone sees you are "his" if he could get away with his dick swinging he probably would do that instead ! Your feelings matter it is not a compliment you don't like it he needs to stop

Computersaysdontwantto · 18/06/2025 18:20

He sounds utterly disgusting. Every women who sees him do this to you is cringing at your lack of self respect. Get out. I know nothing about you but I know you are worth more than this.

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 18/06/2025 18:19

TheMAFSfan · 18/06/2025 17:20

My other half is like this and I hate it. He says it’s how he shows affection but I’ve told him it’s not how I want to receive affection. Currently stuck in the same situation so interested in people’s responses.

Sorry, but violating your boundaries isn't affectionate. It's controlling behaviour and treating you like property.

TryForSpring · 18/06/2025 18:18

groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

You think this is "just who he is"?

No. It's a choice he makes every time he behaves in such a disrespectful and Neanderthal way.

What an absolute prick.

JHound · 18/06/2025 18:17

I am not bothered by PDA but I AM bothered by partners who ignore my “no”.

His disregard for what you repeatedly ask him
to stop doing is disturbing.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 18/06/2025 18:17

It’s about ownership, often.

NoAlarmsRequired · 18/06/2025 18:16

Figcherry · 18/06/2025 18:05

Just scream loudly every time, he’ll soon stop.

🤣. Do this OP.

NoAlarmsRequired · 18/06/2025 18:15

jeaux90 · 18/06/2025 17:33

Your life is not an episode of Benny Hill OP. How about asking him to be a bit more Mr Darcy and a little less dickhead.

Uh, I had one who’s behaviour reminded me of Benny Hill, didn’t last long.

concreteschoolyard · 18/06/2025 18:08

Jesus Christ. He pretends to hump you and slaps your bum loudly, in public, and you’re worried about hurting his feelings?!

He is treating you like a piece of meat. Tell him to stop.

Figcherry · 18/06/2025 18:05

Just scream loudly every time, he’ll soon stop.

outerspacepotato · 18/06/2025 18:03

It's sexual assault and he knows you don't like it, but he continues. He sees you as an object that he can do anything to and he's being an exhibitionist to show everyone around you that he controls you. Not only is it massively disrespectful, it's abusive.

No one is jealous of him. He's an immature abusive ass

pinkdelight · 18/06/2025 18:03

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is

Are you serious?? He bloody well should suppress it! I despair of how much women are prepared to put up with while men go around acting like this.

CiaoMeow · 18/06/2025 18:03

MounjaroMounjaro · 18/06/2025 17:31

Have you slapped his arse back in public or tried to grab his balls?!

FFS don't recommend she does that!

😂

MageQueen · 18/06/2025 18:02

Victoriaspo · 18/06/2025 17:24

What a disgusting man. Believe me people are not ‘jealous’ seeing you get slapped, groped and pinched in public. It’s sexual harassment/ assault. Doesn’t matter that it’s your partner, you’ve told him not to touch you like that and he’s still doing it. It’s abusive

Edited

I disagree with part of this statment. what he means is that "other MEN are jealous because they don't get to grope their wives and be possessive and lechy whenever they feel like but they'd all love to be able to."

OP, everyone is right. Tell him NO. That you are not comfortable. That this is inappropriate and you won't put up with it.

does he grope you a lot in private too? The chances are that will wear thin for you too.

nam3c4ang3 · 18/06/2025 17:57

Urgh gross. Is he 16. Yuck - what are his good points.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 18/06/2025 17:56

This is disgusting OP. Trying to hump you when you bend over ffs.

Slapping your arse loud enough so others can hear.

He's letting you know who's boss and if you don't like it, you're wrong it's just cos he fancies you sooooooo much he can't contain himself/others are jealous.

You know that's bollocks. He's got absolutely no respect for you.

Leave this absolute creep. It definitely isn't going to get any better.

defrazzled · 18/06/2025 17:52

MaggieBsBoat · 18/06/2025 17:48

I tried to grab the balls of my over affectionate DH in the supermarket once. It put an end to everything. Magic!

😂

Verv · 18/06/2025 17:52

Territory marking - utterly grim.

Tell him to stop, seriously, and if he doesnt, humiliate him the next time he does it by yelling at him to get off and casuing a public scene.
Its the public display hes craving so the public display he can have.

defrazzled · 18/06/2025 17:52

He dry humps you when you bend down? WTF?

BreadInCaptivity · 18/06/2025 17:52

Grim.

People are looking because they wonder why you put up with this not because they are jealous.

It’s probably very very obvious you don’t like what he is doing and why would you?

As pp’s have already said it’s a red flag as he’s demonstrating his ownership and control over your body - he knows you don’t like it, so why does he do it….because he enjoys the fact you don’t like it but put up with it proving that his needs/wants top trump yours and he gets off on demonstrating his dominance over you in public.

I’ll bet good money that when you think about it you’ll realise that this attitude is ingrained through your relationship - your job is to please him and much like training a dog you get rewarded for compliance and muzzled/put on a lead when you push back.

Alaoaa · 18/06/2025 17:51

humping you in public? My dogs behave better than your partner. He’s showing you who he is, you’ve said you don’t like it but yet he continues.

BernardButlersBra · 18/06/2025 17:51

"Jealous" 🤣🤣🤣. No, just finding it cringey and rather unnecessary lm guessing

2024onwardsandup · 18/06/2025 17:51

Who he is is a sex pest. I think you very much should seek to repress that.

he is not more important than you.

Ilovepastafortea · 18/06/2025 17:50

MaggieBsBoat · 18/06/2025 17:48

I tried to grab the balls of my over affectionate DH in the supermarket once. It put an end to everything. Magic!

I'm getting sick of saying that I wish the laugh emoji was still available - this is priceless. 😂

Kuretake · 18/06/2025 17:50

I have seen this happen in two different friend's relationships over the years and in both cases the guy turned out to be abusive. It's a huge indicator of all sorts of really unpleasant traits - wanting to mark you as his possession, enjoying your discomfort, getting off on being transgressive in public.

Chuck this one back, seriously.