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DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

186 replies

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 17:19

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

OP posts:
WorcsEdu · 18/06/2025 18:50

That’s sounds over the top and like he needs a talking to.

That said, my partner and I are very touchy feely. I think it’s part of what makes us compatible. We always hold hands walking down the street, cuddle, say ‘I love you’ ten times a day. This is after 3 kids and 11 years married. My point is: being compatible on this front is hugely beneficial for our relationship. I imagine being incompatible on this front is equally detrimental?!

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 18/06/2025 18:49

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 18:32

I don’t think doing similar back to him would be any good (obviously I wouldn’t do it anyway) - he said he and his ex could be ‘exhibitionists’ so I think he’d welcome it!

Rape alarm then, each time he does it. Draw attention to it.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 18/06/2025 18:48

Have you tried doing it to him?

NeedWineNow · 18/06/2025 18:47

My ex-boyfriend used to do this. I agree, it’s a form of marking ’his’ territory, but it’s puerile adolescent behaviour.

I got so hacked off with it one night when we were out with his workmates and he kept doing it that I yelled at him to stop touching me up, stalked out of the pub and went home. He had the cheek to phone me the following day and rant at me that I’d embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I told him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and ditched him.

Mudflaps · 18/06/2025 18:47

He'd slap my arse once and I'd slap his face, itd be an automatic reaction. Get rid, he's an idiot.

sweetpickle2 · 18/06/2025 18:45

"I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is"

Who he is is a massive pervert, OP. Pretending to hump you in public isn't 'touchy feely' is fucking gross. I couldn't be with someone like that.

WilfredsPies · 18/06/2025 18:44

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is Why not? Because he doesn’t give a shit about how you feel, or that you have to suppress who you are, does he?

pinkyredrose · 18/06/2025 18:40

Tell him if he does it again you'll slap him and definitely do slap him. If that doesn't work ltb.

ginasevern · 18/06/2025 18:40

You've told him to stop so it's abuse. Is he a sandwich short of a picnic? It probably physically hurts too. I'll slap his fucking face hard after the first warning. And then leave.

Terrribletwos · 18/06/2025 18:39

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 18:32

I don’t think doing similar back to him would be any good (obviously I wouldn’t do it anyway) - he said he and his ex could be ‘exhibitionists’ so I think he’d welcome it!

It's short answers like this that make me think that something ain't right.

NoAlarmsRequired · 18/06/2025 18:39

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 18:32

I don’t think doing similar back to him would be any good (obviously I wouldn’t do it anyway) - he said he and his ex could be ‘exhibitionists’ so I think he’d welcome it!

Does it not make you lose respect for him?

RampantIvy · 18/06/2025 18:37

Shout out "keep your hands to yourself you pervert"

How old is he? He sounds like a schoolboy.

pinkyredrose · 18/06/2025 18:35

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is

He needs suppressing! Your feelings are hurt, that matters. He's doing something to your body that he knows you don't like.

It's a sign of ownership. What's he like in other areas of your life, does he like to have his own way, choose what to eat, what to watch, where to go etc?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 18/06/2025 18:34

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is

But if he's a sleazy creep who doesn't give a toss about how it makes you feel it's good to suppress it? Why do you care about his feelings when he clearly doesn't give a damn about yours?

I'd be moving away from him every time and saying 'we've discussed this and you know I don't like it'.

If he says he can't help himself, well only you can decide if it's your red line. It would be mine, it would give me the ick.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/06/2025 18:33

How long have you been with him???

RachSmit · 18/06/2025 18:32

I don’t think doing similar back to him would be any good (obviously I wouldn’t do it anyway) - he said he and his ex could be ‘exhibitionists’ so I think he’d welcome it!

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 18/06/2025 18:32

I would not like that one bit and you need to tell him in no uncertain terms, NO PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION. He can confine it to holding hands or putting arm around your shoulders where appropriate but no more.

Anywherebuthere · 18/06/2025 18:27

He sounds vile. It's not affectionate if you have said you don't like it and he is continuing to do so.

No one wants to see anyone else being handled like that. No one is jealous of it.

He is trying to show his power and control over you. There is nothing appealing about it. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Imisscoffee2021 · 18/06/2025 18:26

All these interactions are less affectionate and more sexual, and it's a bit cringey in public when you stop being a teen 😅 hand holding, a loving embrace, a kiss would surely show more love and affection than a slapped arse?

Coolasfeck · 18/06/2025 18:26

If I saw him slap your bum jealousy is not want I’d be feeling. I’d be grossed out. It’s all a bit Benny Bill/Page 3/On the Buses. Yuck!

Chat2025 · 18/06/2025 18:26

Absolutely repugnant and disrespectful as you have asked him to stop.

Nanny0gg · 18/06/2025 18:23

TheMAFSfan · 18/06/2025 17:20

My other half is like this and I hate it. He says it’s how he shows affection but I’ve told him it’s not how I want to receive affection. Currently stuck in the same situation so interested in people’s responses.

It's disrespectful and creepy

And showing 'ownership'

It's nothing to do with affection

JHound · 18/06/2025 18:23

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer.

Your rights over your body trump his feelings and unwillingness to “express who he is.”

Wreckinball · 18/06/2025 18:22

He needs dumping

whitewineandsun · 18/06/2025 18:21

and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

There is not enough ick in the world. Incredibly disrespectful.