Comments about shape of body and clothes

It’s not a ‘generational thing’.

It can be a generation thing or a weird mother and daughter thing. I personally think if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything. But would appreciate someone telling me something didn’t suit me IF it was thoughtfully delivered and there was no malice.

but what I find weird on this thread is that at least 4 people have commented ‘I bet you looked great’ which I find really weird. Because it’s totally fucking irrelevant. And it’s also totally ok not to look great all the time and I think the whole ‘reassure the OP that they looked great’ despite the fact that we have no idea if she did crackers. Why are we so hung up on looking great????

also I have quite narrow hips and I’d much rather they were bigger. Don’t let her make you feel self conscious cause there’s definitely people that would love to have wider hips! If I had full hips I would wear dresses everyday.

Well done on losing 5 stone... fabulous achievement.

Mothers can sometimes be overly critical, often because they care and are concerned. Just shrug it off and carry on with your diet well done.

But there's always a nicer way to do this though isn't there?

Your mum saying "you look awful and massive in that dress" rather than saying "I don't think the cut or style of the dress suits you" is just being mean.

It’s not ‘mothers’ or her age. Most mothers of her age don’t do this.

This is about your mother behaving nastily.

Suggest heading over to the Stately Homes (dysfunctional families) threads (relationships section of MN) for some resources and wise posters.

If she sulks about ‘not being allowed to say anything’ that’s a good opportunity to confirm that, and ask her not to offer you unsolicited, negative feedback on your body, clothes, relationship, whatever else she’s upset you about.

To be honest, no one makes nasty comments like this to me, so I’m just thinking out loud here.

i think if someone said this to me, i would just stare at them. Eg if she made a comment about your body, look her body up and down in a judgemental manner. Then say something that you know will get under her skin like “that’s rich from you”, “thank you” or even just start laughing at the incredulity

my thought process is you just want to twist the insult onto them and give them the complex they are trying to give you!

That’s something called narcissist triangulation. Your bro is the golden child, but you should know with him she’ll be talking about you and your sis to create jealousy. It’s just divide and conquer

Why do you have to do these things for her? Prescriptions can be automated and delivered. Ditto shopping (even easier). Even if she claims all of that is beyond her (merely in her 70’s?) you can do it remotely. Time to drop the rope.

You are important.

Well that tells us all we need to know!

You don’t need to do this every day. Most surgeries uses patches or similar for prescriptions now and her shopping can be delivered.

I think a couple of weeks of that would focus her mind and make her realise how bloody lucky she is to have you. I’d like you to tell her so, too.

If and when you continue more regular visits, and the rudeness creeps back, tell her “don’t talk to me like that mum, I’ve no obligation to be here”. Then leave, every time, until the message sinks in.

My mum said similar to me when I got out if rbe car to meet her and dad at grandads funeral.
I was bloody crushed and it still hurts thinking about it as I was in a lovely dress that cost me a few hundred pounds. I could never wear it again.
I said she was hurtful. She said I was too sensitive.
She'll never change.

Ps, know a thing or two about it

My grandmother literally sneers when she sees me confident. It’s hilarious to watch now. Gotta learn to enjoy winding narcs up. Go hard, succeed more and rub their nasty faces in it!

Your mum sounds horrible.

Unfortunately I have to see her as I'm the one who does her shopping, sorts her prescriptions out things like that. And I'm the only one of of my family that will

Why is that? Is she vile to everyone?

You've done so well with your weight loss and you're a nice person to help her so much. Don't let her erode your self worth.

Typical narcy narc trying to piss on your parade!

Well done for the weight loss, it’s obviously getting to her! Keep it up lovely 💖 you’re doing amazing work

In future when she does something like that , I think you should just refuse to go out with her.

As for the sulking if she can't say anything she will sit in silence, then let her. Or tell her that yes it might be best if she only has rude things to say. Time to push back and stand up to her.

Dont see her daily or contact all, until she apologises.

It was a really spiteful thing to say but my mum used to make cutting remarks when I put on weight. Of course, when I lost it, not a word of congratulations. Have you got a target weight/dress size or are you happy with what you've lost?

I agree. My mum and sister and I were all overweight. My mum has always been adamant is genetic and nothing could be done.
We actually grew up with a really unhealthy lifestyle, which was why

Eventually my sister and I made healthier lifestyle choices and lost weight, got fitter etc.

Mum was really bitchy... 'oh why have you bought that fancy dress, where will you ever wear that' 'i didn't have time to go jogging when you were little, I was too busy being a good mum and putting the kids first etc'.

We both keep her at arms length now. Weirdly she absolutely fawns over our brother's wife, who is attractive etc but spends huge amounts of time on herself despite having kids, with our parents bending over backwards to babysit whilst she goes for a run/ spends an entire day having her hair highlighted/ meal preps.

Mums can be really bloody weird to daughters at times.

I’m sorry OP, I’m sure you looked fabulous and congrats on the weight loss!

I’ve lost quite a bit of weight as well and I feel that people scrutinise our bodies and are much more pass remarkable than before the weight loss 🤦‍♀️ people need to learn when to zip it!

You've lost five stone

Great achievement!

I bet you look great

She's tactless

Please don’t let it. My parents seemed to lose all sense of constraint when they reached their 70s, too. Not excusing your mum but I suspect it’s fairly common. With my mum, unfortunately, it was the beginning of dementia. Seems my stepdad just became rude 😁

In your position, I’d make it perfectly clear that you have a life of your own and no obligation to visit her every day. If she doesn’t stop behaving like this and being offensive, you’ll cut the visits right back.