Adult son wants to quit job

’relative of mine died…. left him some money …..so he has money in bank’

Charge him a reasonable charge - check online for what others do - for food / board, from now. If he quits work he can pay you out of his money.

This is a big problem for many families. You are not alone. It’s almost invariably young males who are like this. It doesn’t help that PIP and benefits in general are so high that for young males living at home with parents it’s a rational decision to kick back and do nowt but game, drink and chill. I think all benefits for the unemployed under 25s who live with parents should be paid to the mother.

What worked with one of ours was giving him a goal and supporting him towards said goal. The vision was ‘imagine how good you’d look and how much easier to get a girlfriend if you had your own flat’. Then we showed him how much he’d have through realistic saving. Then we matched his saving until he had 5 figures in his bank account. Once his savings reached that amount, he had the bit between his teeth.

The other rules we had were a) you’re either working or studying b) you’re either contributing to household bills or you’re saving.

I have a 23 and 21 living at home, when they left school it was either uni or work and when qualified it was job or nothing. Either a full time job relating to their degree or they find another full time job to tide them over .

there was no option of not working.
we all need to work to live.

18 in opening post then next post he's 20.
Not that the age matters he should be contributing.

He keeps the job but also make sure he is engaging with the uni careers department. They'll support him post-graduation to help hone his CV and look for roles. He needs to be very serious about getting a grad role now though, by September he will already be competing with the next year of graduates.

I think it's important to know why he wants to quit his job. Big difference between him wanting to quit his job on a whim, and wanting to quit his job because he's getting bullied or it's affecting his mental health or some such.

He has a degree and he is only working part time and wants to quit?

you need to engage in some actual tough love. Just making him buy his own food is not enough.

I’d absolutely be setting boundaries that encourage more responsibility in him. Charge him a monthly fee and explain everything it covers (gas, electric, water, council tax, wifi, food etc). You can save the money if you want to give back to him (but don’t tell him that or give him any money until he moves out). Also give him a list of housework to do and explain if he’s not working he can contribute more in that area. Being skint at home after paying you and spending more time cleaning and doing chores will likely motivate him to stay in employment.

A careers advisor would also be able to help him Taylor his CV to different jobs.

I think the bigger qn is what does he want to do about a career and his longer term prospects? Is he working towards gaining experience in something he wants to do? Has he researched career prospects, average salaries etc?

It’s easy to live at home rent free, so of course he will choose that option, but what will you do in a years time or longer? Re the money in the bank he needs a wake up call that you pay your rent/mortage, bills, food, then anything else. That money will likely not last long, but could help go towards a course, pay a deposit, give him rent to do a career in xyz … depending on what he wants to do etc.

I’ve seen some similar threads where DC contributes a set charge per week (say equivalent to 50oercent market rate) towards the house, with some or all of it then saved up into a deposit for rent or buying. IMO you need to be firm that this will start from x date, and continue as long as he’s under your roof. If he doesn’t like it he is an adult who can figure out the alternatives.

At 21, when I finished uni, my parents explained that I could have a couple of months free board to sort myself out but after that I’d be paying to live there. I had a (fairly crap) job in a shop stockroom a few weeks later which covered my costs and a bit of socialising until I got the job to kickstart my career ten months later.

My parents are great but they absolutely would have removed my stuff from the house if I hadn’t paid board. Not because they wanted to see me out on a limb, but the opposite. They wanted to see me getting on.

Try sitting down with him and asking him where his employment interest lie. Where does he imagine he will be in 1 year, 5 years 10 years time? Make him write it down then think about how he will get there. He needs to go to see a career advisor to help him focus on finding a job he will enjoy. I would also stress to him he's an adult now and needs to work full time to pay his way as you are disabled so on a limited budget. I'd be telling him he has plenty of time to research jobs he might enjoy as he only works part time but he shouldn't quit until he secured another job.

No way would it be acceptable for him just to leave his job and not have another lined up, or even study.

Unless he's going to move out. While he's in your house, no. I wouldn't have an adult son/daughter doing zilch, or NEET as it's called.

He should be working full time and making an appropriate contribution to the household expenses. If he doesn't, you would be justified in telling him to leave.

Also it's ridiculous that he isn't contributing to family bills as an adult, especially when you are struggling. My sister and I both voluntary gave my parents money as young working adults living at home.

How old is he?