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OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

210 replies

Zahia · 17/06/2025 23:24

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 18/06/2025 05:46

Another example of how low the bar is for men. “They didn’t break anything-lighten up, they were drunk!” FFS.

SD1978 · 18/06/2025 05:44

Violated, not collated…..

SD1978 · 18/06/2025 05:43

I think it’s a bit dramatic to say you were collated when the objects were clearly displayed. Disrespectful, yes, and I would expect that he made sure they didn’t touch things again if they could be broken.

LillyPJ · 18/06/2025 05:38

If they just moved a few things, I wouldn't mind. Maybe they were interested in them and having a closer look. If you're so bothered that you don't want things touched at all, it might be best to put them away if people are visiting your house when you're not there.

Flamingoknees · 18/06/2025 05:30

Was this a small collection of niknaks on a shelf OP? Jusr trying to get the full picture before commenting.

Beetletweetle · 18/06/2025 05:29

Assume you don't have DC. You cant have any 'personal possessions' with children. Everything gets trashed and ruined.

EasternEcho · 18/06/2025 05:26

Your OH apologized and took responsibility. You should have let it go after that. Embarassing him wasn't necessary.

MoreWalking · 18/06/2025 05:10

He is probably really embarrassed that you made him make them apologise. I think you should laugh it off now. They didn’t deliberately break anything. It sounds like they were just messing around and they won’t do it again.

Perimama · 18/06/2025 05:09

I would be cross with my OH as he should have stopped them, but the demanding an apology for the friends is OTT. I would just want reassurance that it wouldn't happen again.

Zanatdy · 18/06/2025 04:59

I think you’re being a bit OTT. DP should have told them to leave them alone as assume they’d know you’d be annoyed. So it’s him you should he mainly annoyed with. Forcing him to make his friends apologise is embarrassing for him, hence he’s annoyed. It was childish of his friends yes, but guess they didn’t realise how upset you’d be. It seems like a very extreme reaction and your DP probably feels a bit humiliated and no doubt will be ribbed by his friends about it.

Fitasafiddle1 · 18/06/2025 04:42

The issue isn’t your things being moved around for fun or otherwise as I see it, but the fact you feel violated and uncomfortable in your own home.

Having drunk people in your home whilst you are not there is really unpleasant, and then you add in the disrespect of your things, I can totally see why you feel like you do.

I would be looking to move out, or move him out. Your home should be a safe space where you feel
relaxed and calm. How can you feel like that with drunk people around? And your boyfriend isn’t taking care of anything because he is too drunk. It doesn’t sound ideal to me.

Your bf has no right to be angry with you. Now you are having to wait until he calms down? This isn’t right at all.

InWalksBarberalla · 18/06/2025 03:45

This sounds like a massive overreaction - they picked up some items on display for a closer look and put them back differently? Why is that an issue? The forced apology is just embarrassing.

Sleeplessnightssleepydays · 18/06/2025 03:30

Does your H often get drunk and give his drunken friends the run of your home when you are away?

I would be furious that he had so little respect for your home and for your personal possessions.

He sounds like an obnoxious irresponsible teenager.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/06/2025 03:11

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 18/06/2025 02:30

You’re acting like his Mom.

It sucks they touched your stuff but you are overreacting about nothing.

Particularly as nothing was damaged. 🤦‍♀️

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 18/06/2025 02:30

You’re acting like his Mom.

It sucks they touched your stuff but you are overreacting about nothing.

junebirthdaygirl · 18/06/2025 02:11

I think your OH taking full responsibility was a very good reaction and should have been enough. But you put him in an awkward and humiliating position having to go to his friends. That's a difficult one to get over.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2025 01:34

Forced apologies are weird, they just are. And I’d be with your OH on this. Please rethink your attitude to apologies, and why people give them, before having children.

Septembiosis · 18/06/2025 00:59

I agree with Mintsj. It's over now. At least they know you weren't happy and may behave more respectfully next time they visit. (Not that I'd shed a tear if they are reluctant to visit again; one of them can host instead!)

You could apologise to your husband, but maybe it's best to just let it go, at this point.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 18/06/2025 00:50

Don't sweat the small stuff. You'll be so much happier

PollyBell · 18/06/2025 00:44

I may have asked please take more care next time possibly I may have acted like him if someone treated me lile a naughty school child

mrsm43s · 18/06/2025 00:36

Maybe just put them back again? And then forget about it.

Mintsj · 18/06/2025 00:26

They are immature drunken prats. It’s bad behaviour to mess with people’s sentimental stuff.

That said, I think requesting an apology was a bit strange. It’s not much of an apology from an adult if you ask them for it.

I think your partner should have profusely apologised to you, but I can see why he’d think it very embarrassing/odd to be made to demand an apology from his friends.

But the fact remains, their behaviour was not acceptable.

PeapodMcgee · 18/06/2025 00:22

It's not a big deal

Renamed · 18/06/2025 00:19

I think it’s utterly weird for people to move and turn your pictures upside down in your house, not something I’ve ever contemplated doing when drunk - even as a prank to someone who isn’t a close friend in my teens

ForFunGoose · 18/06/2025 00:18

Very OTT reaction, don’t think his friends will be visiting again.