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OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

210 replies

Zahia · 17/06/2025 23:24

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

OP posts:
MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 07:00

TheAutumnCrow · 18/06/2025 06:51

Did they hang framed photographs upside down? Put them back in the wrong order?

I think I’d be more bemused by this than anything. But it’s your stuff and it’s clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, rather than made you think that it’s kind of cool that they were remotely interested.

Or do you suspect they were taking the piss?

It will be the latter. It was to let OP they didn't like her. And her partner let them disrespect her in her own home like this, and this thread is bemusingly full of women saying this is fine and to suck It up.

Zahia · 18/06/2025 07:00

TheAutumnCrow · 18/06/2025 06:51

Did they hang framed photographs upside down? Put them back in the wrong order?

I think I’d be more bemused by this than anything. But it’s your stuff and it’s clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, rather than made you think that it’s kind of cool that they were remotely interested.

Or do you suspect they were taking the piss?

A collection of magnets, photos, various items all displayed on a wall board. A lot are quite delicate, none of them I would be able to replace as they are from the countries I visited. It's quite a busy display as I've travelled quite a bit. They had turned them upside down and moved things around to the point I was unsure if anything was missing or broken and had to check. Really sentimental to me and I cried when I saw and realised someone had messed with it. I don't feel it was from genuine interest in the stuff, as if you were interested you could just look, none of the items need taking off the wall to see closer.

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 18/06/2025 07:00

Your reaction seems disproportionate. Are you actually angry about something else and using this as a way to vent? I can’t understand it. Surely you would have mentioned beforehand that no friends were allowed to touch your didgeridoo.

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 06:59

Flashahah · 18/06/2025 06:38

You may not care, but they will be laughing and eye rolling at you!

So?!

manchestermaggie · 18/06/2025 06:58

Flashahah · 18/06/2025 06:42

Totally OTT!!

Not at all.

manchestermaggie · 18/06/2025 06:56

Maybe that's why these mankids behave that way, overly permissive parents who haven't taught them basic respect.

^ this nails it

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 06:56

husbandcallsmepickle · 18/06/2025 06:33

If it's "on display" you can't stop people handling/picking up stuff. If it's that precious, hide it away or invest in a lockable display cabinet.

Shouldn't have to lock everything away in your own home.

manchestermaggie · 18/06/2025 06:54

Fitasafiddle1 · 18/06/2025 04:42

The issue isn’t your things being moved around for fun or otherwise as I see it, but the fact you feel violated and uncomfortable in your own home.

Having drunk people in your home whilst you are not there is really unpleasant, and then you add in the disrespect of your things, I can totally see why you feel like you do.

I would be looking to move out, or move him out. Your home should be a safe space where you feel
relaxed and calm. How can you feel like that with drunk people around? And your boyfriend isn’t taking care of anything because he is too drunk. It doesn’t sound ideal to me.

Your bf has no right to be angry with you. Now you are having to wait until he calms down? This isn’t right at all.

I would agree with this and would be re-thinking the relationship.

I have just read down-thread that you are all in your 30's. so one would expect better behaviour than this.

Teenybub · 18/06/2025 06:53

I completely understand your point of view and I’m surprised others don’t. I have things in my house that I’ve inherited, combined they are worth about £10 so not a lot, but sentimentally they mean a lot to me and I would be upset if they were messed with. I shouldn’t have to hide them away from other adults in my house, fair enough children that don’t yet know better.

TheAutumnCrow · 18/06/2025 06:51

Zahia · 18/06/2025 06:47

That's so fine, I'm not embarrassed for being upset about this, and if they don't understand it then that's ok.

Did they hang framed photographs upside down? Put them back in the wrong order?

I think I’d be more bemused by this than anything. But it’s your stuff and it’s clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, rather than made you think that it’s kind of cool that they were remotely interested.

Or do you suspect they were taking the piss?

Zahia · 18/06/2025 06:47

Flashahah · 18/06/2025 06:38

You may not care, but they will be laughing and eye rolling at you!

That's so fine, I'm not embarrassed for being upset about this, and if they don't understand it then that's ok.

OP posts:
MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 06:46

IdiottoGoa · 18/06/2025 06:40

That comment was in response to your confusing segue about children. But now we’re on the subject, they moved some stuff and nothing got broken. Presumably it’s not a museum or art gallery, if you don’t want something touching, put it behind glass.

Not that I go round touching people’s stuff (because usually it’s not that interesting) but I don’t think I could be friends for long with someone this uptight. It would be like Hyacinth Bucket with her china.

It wasn't a confusing segue - it was a parallel universe where the women here were insisting a forced apology has no value, when in the Real world - children are forced to apologise literally all the time.

It's a violation of trust to have people in your home who mistreat your stuff. At the very least it's incredibly disrespectful and the OP is upset so that must have been warranted somehow. If I found out any of my children had been at someone else's house and rearranged stuff in a parents kitchen or workspace for lols (nothing harmed or broken) I would be furious. Especially if the other parent was upset. I would hope my kids would know this is unacceptable behaviour. You would just shrug and tell that person to stop being uptight like Hyacinth Bouquet. Maybe that's why these mankids behave that way, overly permissive parents who haven't taught them basic respect.

Zahia · 18/06/2025 06:44

Also OH has no memory of them doing this and thinks he was not involved (something he has apologised for)

OP posts:
Flashahah · 18/06/2025 06:42

Fitasafiddle1 · 18/06/2025 04:42

The issue isn’t your things being moved around for fun or otherwise as I see it, but the fact you feel violated and uncomfortable in your own home.

Having drunk people in your home whilst you are not there is really unpleasant, and then you add in the disrespect of your things, I can totally see why you feel like you do.

I would be looking to move out, or move him out. Your home should be a safe space where you feel
relaxed and calm. How can you feel like that with drunk people around? And your boyfriend isn’t taking care of anything because he is too drunk. It doesn’t sound ideal to me.

Your bf has no right to be angry with you. Now you are having to wait until he calms down? This isn’t right at all.

Totally OTT!!

IdiottoGoa · 18/06/2025 06:40

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 06:32

They don't sound like adults, they weren't behaving like adults. If they're that juvenile, it's not unreasonable to be treated as such. Might do them a favour, maybe they think it's acceptable because nobody has ever told them it's not.

That comment was in response to your confusing segue about children. But now we’re on the subject, they moved some stuff and nothing got broken. Presumably it’s not a museum or art gallery, if you don’t want something touching, put it behind glass.

Not that I go round touching people’s stuff (because usually it’s not that interesting) but I don’t think I could be friends for long with someone this uptight. It would be like Hyacinth Bucket with her china.

monktasmic · 18/06/2025 06:39

Fitasafiddle1 · 18/06/2025 04:42

The issue isn’t your things being moved around for fun or otherwise as I see it, but the fact you feel violated and uncomfortable in your own home.

Having drunk people in your home whilst you are not there is really unpleasant, and then you add in the disrespect of your things, I can totally see why you feel like you do.

I would be looking to move out, or move him out. Your home should be a safe space where you feel
relaxed and calm. How can you feel like that with drunk people around? And your boyfriend isn’t taking care of anything because he is too drunk. It doesn’t sound ideal to me.

Your bf has no right to be angry with you. Now you are having to wait until he calms down? This isn’t right at all.

Good lord 🤣

Flashahah · 18/06/2025 06:38

You may not care, but they will be laughing and eye rolling at you!

Zahia · 18/06/2025 06:38

Ok so sounds like for most I was being unreasonable. To be clear, I wanted to speak to his friends directly to tell them I was upset and please not to touch those things again, but he told me not to, which I respected and therefore asked him to pass the message on so that they knew and could apologize to me (which they did). I did tell him I wanted an apology though. The items are on a wall on display, so not just on a shelf you would consider to pick up, and are clearly mine not his. This is our house which we jointly own. We are both in our thirties, so it's not like they're students any more. I definitely won't care if they don't like me (tbh feel they don't already) or don't want to visit the house again, but I will apologize to OH then if I have been OTT.

OP posts:
Midlifecrisis23 · 18/06/2025 06:37

I put stick on eyes on my friends pictures last time I visited, they thought it was funny.

OP nothing was broken, it’s ok for you to be annoyed but making them apologies is a bit over the top. Just put it all back and if they stay over again remove and hid anything that’s going to cause this reaction.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 18/06/2025 06:36

Where were the possessions and are they obviously personal and belonging to you? If they went into your bedroom or rooted through a closed bathroom cupboard I understand your upset. If the items are delicate and could have been broken I see your upset. On the other hand if they were on a shelf in the living room or kitchen and are just items like books/ ornaments and all they did was move them around and turn a few upside down I think you’ve over-reacted, it’s a bit immature but otherwise fairly harmless behaviour.

ohcmon · 18/06/2025 06:33

spoonbillstretford · 18/06/2025 06:20

Good!

You don't ever mess with people's stuff in their house. What are they, drunk teenage lads or grown men? They would not be welcome in my house.

The homeowner was there... I would be assuming the bf knew what he was doing fiddling with things in his own house and that he would also set things physically right the next day.

In OP's position I'd be fuming too but I hardly think you can blame the friends for picking up a photo frame or souvenir, looking at it and setting it down drunkenly — again since the homeowner was there doing the same

Steelworks · 18/06/2025 06:33

junebirthdaygirl · 18/06/2025 02:11

I think your OH taking full responsibility was a very good reaction and should have been enough. But you put him in an awkward and humiliating position having to go to his friends. That's a difficult one to get over.

This

husbandcallsmepickle · 18/06/2025 06:33

If it's "on display" you can't stop people handling/picking up stuff. If it's that precious, hide it away or invest in a lockable display cabinet.

manchestermaggie · 18/06/2025 06:33

IdiottoGoa · 18/06/2025 06:28

You do know they’re adults?

Depends what you mean by "adults" ?

Students are technically adults but can still act irresponsibly.

What age are these people OP ?

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 06:32

IdiottoGoa · 18/06/2025 06:28

You do know they’re adults?

They don't sound like adults, they weren't behaving like adults. If they're that juvenile, it's not unreasonable to be treated as such. Might do them a favour, maybe they think it's acceptable because nobody has ever told them it's not.