To be unsure about naming our baby after partners best mate?

I think even the middle name is pushing it frankly, but I suppose it's a compromise.

Please remember Angel that if you are unmarried, only the Mother can register the baby's birth and your DP can only be named on the birth certificate if he is present at the appointment. You do not have to use his surname either. So if push came to absolute shove you can name your baby whatever you like, with no reference to your DP at all. A nuclear option undoubtedly, but an option he needs to be aware of. Yes he can get his name added to a birth certificate at a later point, but he won't be able to change the name without your agreement.

I’m named after my mum’s friend who was killed in the blitz. But she died trying to save her little brothers. So my mum had no guilt around her death. I’ve always been proud of my name.middle name in fact.
This however is an entirely different situation and I’m not convinced this will go anyway to helping your dh in fact it will make him worse. I would say no and encourage your dh to have more therapy.

Correction sorry, his friend's parents. Incidentally does he still keep in touch with the friend who was the driver?

No, a million times over.

I'm sorry that the drivers parents are resentful about your DP. What could he have done, he was a teenager and was probably in shock.

That aside, it's totally a bad idea for baby to have the same name as late friend.

Given that your husband is still carrying so much guilt around this, it’s entirely possible that he will start to associate your child with the trauma if you give him his dead friend’s name. That can cause all kinds of issues further down the line. Not to mention the potential fallout with the grieving family.

Your husband needs to go back to therapy. Maybe you can revisit the conversation once the anniversary of the accident has passed?

It wouldn't be a tribute it would be about him trying to stop feeling guilty, it wouldnt work and I dont think it is appropriate

@AngelMiracle0

Our DS2 was originally going to be named after DH's best friend who died in a plane crash at 20. It was a common name, not a favourite of mine, but I could live with it. I had the naming of DS1 so I figured I'd let him have the naming of DS2 and that's what he chose. In the end, he decided to give our son his late friend's name as a middle name. Mainly because there was a man in our 'social circle' who was a real egotistical prick and DH knew that if we named DS 'that name' this man would think we'd named our son after him.

So maybe search and see if there is some sort of 'less than favorable association' with your DH's friend's name that might put him off using it as a first name.

@Cerialkiller nailed it!

NO, it’s just not appropriate especially for your child.

It’s morbid. I wouldn’t let him do it. Not first name, not middle name. That won’t help him get over it, if anything it extends the misery. It will put pressure on your son to fulfil this memory of a man he’s never met. Happy with tribute names after a loving grandfather, but Dad’s mate from years who died in a car crash? It’s just not a nice story.

I wouldn't do it even if the family were happy about the tribute. I know it's silly, but it feels like it would be bad luck to name a baby after someone who died tragically.

Middle name - fine. Fiirst name - no!

No. Just no. Put your foot down @AngelMiracle0 and find another name.

If he really wants a name tribute as a reminder, why can't your DH officially change his own middle name - or add another one - to that of his deceased friend?

Apart from anything else, that would last hom as a permanent reminder of his friend for the rest of his life; whereas children quickly grow and then go off to live their own lives, and don't necessarily see you constantly or even very often at all.

If he thinks that would be weird - bearing in mind that he knew the friend well, whereas
your baby will obviously never meet him - that might give him pause for thought as to why it might be magically different for your baby to have to bear the name in these circumstances.

I agree with this. It is not an appropriate tribute. The manner of the death does impact this. Your baby is going to be their own person. A friend of my parents was always known by a nickname totally unrelated to his actual legal name. To the extent I didn’t know his actual name. As a child I never thought anything of it but then one day we were talking about birth certificates and my Dad joked to his friend that, of course, he had two. He did indeed that two identical birth certificates where the only difference was the date of birth. His elder sibling had died before he was born and his parents had given him exactly the same first name and middle name. It has massively impacted his whole life. He didn’t feel his name was his own. Given the upset of your DH’s dead friend’s family and their strain relationship with your DH, it would be cruel to give this name to your baby.

Assuming you're not married, OP, he can't register the baby's birth without you.

So you need to tell him that you're not naming your baby after his dead friend so he needs to accept that, move on and start considering other names.

I would say this is a baby- a tiny human to be cherished, and you’re not starting out right. A middle name as a nice memory, but not a first name as all the baby represents. If it’s a first name maybe the family will hate him, maybe they will want to see him, and that’s not fair on our baby or me.

Well yes that's what I was trying to say.

I’m the mum of a boy who died. I wouldn’t like his name being used by someone I associated in any way with his death. It’s not relevant in my situation as no one was responsible but I’m just saying as a parent who has lost a child I wouldn’t like someone naming their baby after him in the circumstances you describe.
His name was Max so if someone decided to use that name that is up to them but for example my sister is currently pregnant. If she decided to call the baby Max I would expect her to speak to me about it first and to be honest I would really rather she didn’t. (She won’t as they like more unusual names anyway.)
I think a middle name is a nice tribute as it would be less in your face to his family etc. Also each child is their own person so I don’t think they should be named after someone who has died.

I think that was @lazyarse123’s point

Do you WANT to give your baby his name? Is it not going to be a massive burden on him and also stir up severe negative emotions in both of you constantly?

I very much doubt the drink friend's would not have driven just because he told them not too. It’s not his fault, it was theirs.

Agree

This is a good compromise

As a middle name perhaps. I never had kids but if I had, would have wanted to give my late sibling's name as a middle name.

Since the friend's family feel badly towards your partner, however unjustified that may be, they may feel he is taking the piss by naming a new baby after their son.