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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL being spitefull?

67 replies

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:11

AIBU to be annoyed here? SIL has been doing a few of what I believe to be “spiteful” things recently. My DS was in her company the other day and he mentioned about something new he had seen and they looked cool , but “mum is going to order me one!” As soon as he said that SiL told him “oh I will get you one anyway, ill pay for it to arrive faster than mums one and ill buy a few extras to go with it” 🧐 she did not bank on DS (9) telling me this. She is coming over this evening uninvited for my DD’s birthday (I had invited MIL and FIL, but she told my son she would be taging along!) aibu to be a bit miffed and to think that there is some strabge one up-age going on here with her? She is DH’s sister

OP posts:
Jennps · 17/06/2025 19:41

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:18

Not even the, “ill pay extra so it arrives faster than mums obe?”

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No

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/06/2025 19:38

Regardless how sorry you feel for them you may have to draw a line now and prevent your son from having this again by telling your in-laws they can only see him at your house from now on.

While you're at it you should probably tell them you know she's planning to come along tonight and she is not welcome and won't be let in.

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 19:31

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 19:26

Im not cross with my in laws, there has been alot of emotional manipulation behind the scenes with SIL feeding lies to them, I feel sorry for my in laws in the situation

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So your in laws don’t think/believe/know that their daughter assaulted her brother?

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 19:26

Delphiniumandlupins · 17/06/2025 19:24

Well now your DS has told you just let her buy this thing for him. Save your money or get him something else. Don't let it be a competition or share your annoyance. Are you cross with your in-laws too, for not keeping her away from your DC or do they not know what has gone on?

Im not cross with my in laws, there has been alot of emotional manipulation behind the scenes with SIL feeding lies to them, I feel sorry for my in laws in the situation

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 17/06/2025 19:24

Well now your DS has told you just let her buy this thing for him. Save your money or get him something else. Don't let it be a competition or share your annoyance. Are you cross with your in-laws too, for not keeping her away from your DC or do they not know what has gone on?

KrisAkabusi · 17/06/2025 19:23

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:17

There is a major history of boundary crossing. She was not invited because she physically assaulted my DH last year.

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Oh FFS! As drip-feeds go, this one should be prize winning. You'd have very different responses if you put this in your first post.

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 19:10

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 19:09

Not how it is thanks

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Well that’s how it started off in your first post…

Ellie1015 · 17/06/2025 19:10

She sounds like a nightmare and while this one instance on its own is not awful when she is not speaking to children's father after assault and knows she is not welcome around them it is very unreasonable.

I would not allow mil to watch children if she doesn't respect your wishes to not have contact with sil. But it really should be dh decsion (unless she is a danger to the dc)

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 19:09

@Bringonthesun1 so the story about the gift is a red herring then. The real issue is why are my in laws facilitating contact between my children and the adult who physically assaulted my husband.
The gift for your ds really is a non issue in comparison, so not sure why you are focusing on that tbh.

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 19:09

Blessthismess2 · 17/06/2025 19:07

This

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Not how it is thanks

OP posts:
Blessthismess2 · 17/06/2025 19:07

Screamingabdabz · 17/06/2025 18:18

She bought your kids stuff and wanted to come to their birthday. What a bitch!

YABU get a grip.

This

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 19:05

thepariscrimefiles · 17/06/2025 18:50

The gift one-upmanship is definitely spiteful. Why would she buy her nephew something that his mum has already ordered with faster delivery so that her gift will be the one that arrives first. She sounds like a jealous twa.t

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As I said, it only creates a problem if you allow it to. You tell ds that sil is so kind and what a lovely thought and thank sil for her generous gift. Sil doesn’t get the reaction she wanted, assuming her intent was to cause some kind of drama. Sil spends her money, ds gets a gift and op saves her money.

DiscoBob · 17/06/2025 18:55

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:42

We have attempted this is why im so angry at her right now.

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Surely if you and your husband don't want her having contact with your child, then they won't?

thepariscrimefiles · 17/06/2025 18:55

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:42

We have attempted this is why im so angry at her right now.

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Are your DH's parents doing this on purpose because they don't agree with you keeping SIL away from your kids? If that's the case, you will need to stop sending the kids there and stop inviting them if they bring your SIL with them.

How have they reacted to their daughter assaulting her brother? Have they taken her side?

thepariscrimefiles · 17/06/2025 18:50

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 18:17

Neither action is spiteful imo.

The gift one-upmanship is definitely spiteful. Why would she buy her nephew something that his mum has already ordered with faster delivery so that her gift will be the one that arrives first. She sounds like a jealous twa.t

Poopeepoopee · 17/06/2025 18:50

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:41

Please read other post, she turned up at in laws house when she knew they were there without myself and dh.

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Yes. But the party tonight is at your house isn't it. So you CAN stop her being there even if you can't stop her being at your in-laws. Who, as a pp said, clearly can't be trusted.

And what time is this party anyway? It's nearly 7 now and a school night.

Coffeeishot · 17/06/2025 18:45

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:41

Please read other post, she turned up at in laws house when she knew they were there without myself and dh.

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You can't trust your inlaws either id have them see the kids at your house, you can't say this woman has no boundaries if you don't protect your own, if this woman is as bad as you say then you need to make sure she is nowhere near you or your family,

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:42

DiscoBob · 17/06/2025 18:41

If she physically assaults people why don't you just stop your child from seeing her?

Otherwise if she wants to buy him gifts, let her get on with it. Either you accept her attempts at bonding with your child; which may be clumsy, or you just fully stop contact.

We have attempted this is why im so angry at her right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:42

lnks · 17/06/2025 18:37

I'm very surprised that you allow your ds to spend time with her if she actually assaulted your DH last year

Please read other post, she turned up at in laws house when she knew they were there without myself and dh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:41

Coffeeishot · 17/06/2025 18:31

But you let your son be alone with her?

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Please read other post, she turned up at in laws house when she knew they were there without myself and dh.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 17/06/2025 18:41

If she physically assaults people why don't you just stop your child from seeing her?

Otherwise if she wants to buy him gifts, let her get on with it. Either you accept her attempts at bonding with your child; which may be clumsy, or you just fully stop contact.

SuperTrooper14 · 17/06/2025 18:37

Why are you letting her have access to your DC if she assaulted their dad?

lnks · 17/06/2025 18:37

I'm very surprised that you allow your ds to spend time with her if she actually assaulted your DH last year

Coffeeishot · 17/06/2025 18:31

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:17

There is a major history of boundary crossing. She was not invited because she physically assaulted my DH last year.

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But you let your son be alone with her?

Pinty · 17/06/2025 18:27

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:25

Its the other way round, but no I no longer like her either after everything shes done

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You didn't give the full story in your original post. The examples you gave weren't spiteful on their own.
But there has obviously been a family rift.